oasisrob22 Posted October 3, 2011 Share Posted October 3, 2011 Hey all, Good to be back on these forums. Used to spend a majority of my time on here lurking and posting in the Healing After Breakup/Getting Back Together forums. I come to the wise people here with a different topic. My girlfriend and I have been together for about three months now. We dated the first time for 7 months back in 2010, a relationship that ended previously because I would get verbally abusive when drunk and it got to be a deal-breaking problem, understandably so. We didn't talk for 6 months after that -- while I went and worked on my drinking problem and went to a counselor and finished up my degree, she found a new boyfriend and was together with him for several months before breaking up with him because she wasn't happy. We ended up starting to talk again and ironing out our differences. We had several good conversations and we gradually started hanging out again this past spring. It soon developed into strong, renewed feelings coming back on both of our ends. We both admitted that we thought about each other consistently when we were apart for those 6 months...and we decided to go ahead and try again. I know that she is the girl that I see myself marrying down the road, so I was fully committed to making it work the second time around. We had a serious talk about two weeks ago where she thought that we were getting too comfortable and that I wasn't putting in enough effort during the week. She is still in college, while I work 40+ hours at my job during the week. Since we had our serious discussion, I've been putting in more effort and giving her more attention. Unfortunately, it hasn't really translated into our relationship improving. We were driving home today from spending a weekend together out of our town, and she brought up the fact that our relationship is now "different". She says that she knows she wants to be with me, but we don't hold hands and kiss nearly as much as we used to. She said that she feels like we're best friends and that she loves me so much, but right now she doesn't feel as if I'm her "boyfriend". She feels like she is stuck in a rut and she just wants the relationship to be romantic and fun and very loving like it used to be. She ended the conversation saying that she doesn't want to make any decisions to suddenly break up or take a break, and she also cited her commitment to us. She just didn't know if she was going through a growing phase in her life or what. ENA folks, how can I move forward from this and try to strengthen our relationship? Does it just take time to show someone that you're putting in more of an effort? Is this relationship coming to an inevitable end? Link to comment
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