Confused

[Morgan13]

I have always gotten on with a guy at work, we have always exchanged small talk etc during work conversations however a few months ago our conversations/emails started to become more friendly, then intimate and long! He pursued with vigour, saying he had fallen in love with me, thought we were a good match, even started talking about marriage. He was pushing for us to meet outside of work but I said no as he had a girlfriend. He had always said their relationship was poor and appeared to be over but he was stalling to leave as he did not want to hurt her. Even when they went to stay with his parents for a week he texted me about 7 times a day still saying how much he loved me, missed me and about the ideas he had of how our life would be together. He indicated he would finish things with her when they got back from holiday however she then had a pregnancy scare. After a few weeks of is she or not? and him saying if she was he would feel obliged to stay and try and become a family I decided it felt like he was messing me about and I told him I was out of the equation. It has since turned out she is not pregnant but he has decided he wants things to work with her (although he does not sound happy when I speak to him) he always makes a point of saying things are good at home. Initally he kept saying he hoped we would stay friends but I was angry and upset and told him this and we did not speak for a few weeks. He has apologised for hurting me and I have told him today if we are going to be friends we need to start talking regularly again and spending time together as friends and he has since backtracked and now says lets see what happens. I still love him, he did completely sweep me off my feet with all the wonderful things he said and would still love for him to leave his girlfriend and tell me he loves me and still wants to be with me. Is there any future??? What should I do and say to him?

[John3572]

It sounds like this guy is looking to have an affair. If you are interested in him than stick around. If you aren't bail on him. He is toying with your emotions. It's not fair to you. He has someone and he's giving the time he can to you and keeping you in the wings. Meanwhile he is getting his needs(both physical and emotional) met by someone else.

 

If I were you I would have a talk with him ending what's going on between you too. I'm not sure you guys can be friends right now considering both of you have romantic feelings for each other. I would say approach this situation with caution because you are setting yourself up to get hurt.

[Flyingpiglet]

Stay away from him... He's a player as far as I can see.

Even if he left his girlfriend to be with you would you ever trust him to stay true to you. He has made his own decision to stay and try to make the relationship work so I would just leave him to it. Do not try to stay friends unless you are willing to meet his girlfriend as a 'friend'. unfortunately, you can't avoid being work colleagues, so just stay polite and proffesional at work. Keep your head held high knowing you are doing the right thing!

I was in this situation myself many years ago and when the guy in question said he was going to leave his woman for me... I told him that if he left, he should leave for himself, not for me and that I would want him to spend some time alone before picking up a relationship with him! Needless to say, he stayed where he was!

[Morgan13]

Thanks to you both for replies. After reading your advice, I called him to let him know I had decided we could not be friends and needed to just keep things to business when at work. He did not answer and later text me apologising for missing my call and saying something about having a busy weekend, too much to drink and feeling rough. I text him back saying I did not want us to be friends but wished him well and hoped he got better soon. He replied saying he needed food and sleep but that he also wished me the best, cared about my welfare and hoped I would be happy. He has since been off sick the last 3 days, I heard from another colleague he has reported he has hurt his neck. Although at this point I don't care I do wonder if he is lying as he told me he felt unwell at weekend as had drunk too much nothing about his neck - if he lied about this it just reinforces what a untrustworthy guy he is.

 

I have to confess to crying over him since his last text but I know you guys are right and he is a bad guy and would only hurt me more so I intend to stay strong and hope I get over him soon. I am also looking for a new job as I think it would be easier if I never had to see him again.

[Flyingpiglet]

Well done You should be proud and certainly don't be ashamed about crying over him!

Hey girl, we've all been there!

 

Hold your head up high, You've done good!

Stay strong

FP

[cereza]

Get away!! stop talking to him, e-mailing him, erase his number, don't answer his calls or texts! I know is going to be hard because you like him but he is no good for you. He will only hurt you because from the beginning he told you something he didn't do. Just flirting with you while in a relationship was bad enough (I dont talk to guys that do that because it means that he is a cheater and he will eventually do the same to you) Then when he just left you like that and told you he "wanted" to work things with the gf when he had told you that " he was leaving her?" he is obviously playing with both. I bet if you ask her about her relationship with him, she will tell you that he is happy with her and tells her he loves her. Because he is not married then why couldn't he leave her if he likes you? he is a JERK! dont even accept him as friend is not worth it and save yourself for someone better who deserves your love.

[Morgan13]

Sadly I have not managed to stay strong!! After a few too many drinks the other night I decided I needed to tell him that I thought he made the wrong choice and that I would have been the best thing to come into his life and that I thought he was right when he said in past we be amazing together - at time wanted to make him realise he blew it and get anger out. He used to say how happy I made him, that he was always grinning from ear to ear and couldn't stop thinking about me so in my text I asked him if he missed being that happy because he did not sound happy nowadays. He text back saying he is very happy, loves his girlfriend to bits and had stayed because of the length of time they had been together and their history and that up until now he was glad and that if he ever sounded not happy it was because of other stuff on his mind or the fact that he nearly lost her (his gf). He said he didnt want to seem insensitive to me and knew it was probably hard to hear but that he thought I deserved his honesty! He had the cheek to end his message with a kiss and suggest he hoped I was having a good night.

 

My parting text was that I was glad he was happy but I thought his happiness would be short lived coming from a point when they had both talked of leaving the relationship and that he had panic attacks at thought she was pregnant (information he told me at times they happened) and their relationship returned to point they hardly had sex anymore. I told him that it was not hard to hear as I still thought it was his loss. I also pointed out that if he nearly lost her it was because he pursued me and that I was just glad I never gave him what he wanted.

 

I suggested we only speak at work when absolutely necessary - we do not share office so won't have to look at him.

 

He did not reply to second text.

 

I feel sad now that I sent these texts as I wonder if I crossed the line with what I said and also now he is very aware of just how upset I am and I am embarrassed I have lost face.

 

I also found out a couple of days later that while I was getting drinks a friend of mine sent him a text from my phone saying I was too good for him and what a loser he is and that he would regret losing me as no one is better than me - he actually put something along lines of no disrespect to your current gf but as an ex I know what a good thing you just lost - my friend is male, have been friends for many years and actually dated for awhile when younger so he can be abit protective of me.

 

Should I apologise for my or my friends nasty words or just take it that he hurt me so he deserves whatever he got????