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Empty. In a void. Please help if you can.


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I've been posting on the Getting Back Together forum, but I don't think that's going to happen any time soon. So I'm asking for help on this part of the forum. I know I need to heal from this.

 

I just feel so empty. He was my life for 6 years and he's gone. I know I have to make my life about ME now, but I'm finding it so difficult. I've ordered a few books from Amazon to read, in the hope that they might help and I've made a few plans about where I want to go with my life, but I just can't motivate myself to do anything at the moment. It's all I can do to get my daily list of jobs done. And half of those get put onto tomorrow's "things to do" list. I just can't motivate myself. I feel like I'm in a void. He brought so much of the joy, laughter and happiness into my world - I just don't feel that I'll ever be that happy again.

 

I need help. How do I get out of this funk? I'd really appreciate any help or advice.

 

Thanks in advance.

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Make time for small pleasures. Now is the time to learn to rediscover yourself. If you've made your life and your happiness dependent on someone else, it's no secret you've lost some sight of who you are, as an individual, not part of a couple. What hobbies and pasttimes may have brought you happiness before might not now. Or maybe they're too painful for the moment to indulge in, and that's ok. Find time for tiny pleasures, new ones, too. Make sure you get your important daily responsibilities taken care of, but make sure you take time to release and self-soothe. If you need to cry in the bed for a couple of hours, do it. You will not drown in your feelings, as much as it feels like you will. If you can't find anything tried and true that gives you some happiness, even fleeting - Try something else. Something new and different. You might not like it, but you won't know that until you do it.

 

Balance your time. Don't push yourself too hard in any direction if you can help it. Read your books...I read one new book everynight. Most of them are self-help, but some are also simply for pleasure(simple, funny books that bring a few smirks to my face). Reading all those books have not sudddenly made me happy and motivated, and frankly, when I first started reading them I felt like I read through them. Nothing was sinking in and it was just words accross a page. Put them down for awhile if that happens. What books have you ordered?

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The Journey from Abandonment to Healing is GREAT! That's a really good read, I think you'll like it. It sheds logic on the process that we go through.

 

I also like "How To Break Your Addiction to a Person"(I just read this one this past week). It talks a lot about staying in a relationship that is no longer working for you, about attachment hunger(which was really a really pertinent and interesting read for me), about how even when we KNOW we should walk away, even when we already have, all those addictive, rushing feelings come in and we feel like we'll just evaporate if we don't reach out and do something about it.

 

Also, "Getting Past Your Breakup" by Susan Elliot is great. It has a lot of journaling exercises to do in there that can be really, really eye-opening.

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Thanks Mintiya. I already have "How to Break Your Addiction to a Person" somewhere on my shelf, (I read it when I left an abusive relationship many years ago) so maybe I'll read it again while I wait for my new books to arrive. And Susan Elliot's book will be next on my list.

 

Thanks for those recommendations. x

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It is really only time that will get you out of your funk. In the meantime all you can do is try and be strong, stay positive (as best as you can). Don't push yourself, try and relax.

 

Try doing things YOU like to do, even if you have to drag yourself out to do it. You might not feel the greatest when you are out, but it is a step in the right direction to a stronger you!

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I'm not able to help you much I think, I can only let you know you're not alone in this. I'm feeling a big void at the moment. My ex was so important to me, we did everything together. He meant the world to me, he was my everything, and losing him was one of the worst things I could think of that could happen to me. And, after 15 months (I know that's not long at all compared to your relationship, but our relationship was intense though), that nightmare became reality.

 

At the moment I'm missing him so much, even though he treated me like *** at the end. I miss kissing him, hugging him, holding hands while we were at the movies together...playing computer games together and watching movies while cuddling on his couch etc. etc. all of those great moments. I miss looking into his beautiful eyes, I miss him saying kind words to me. No more emails/text messages in the morning saying: goodmorning, I love you so much...my phone's gone quiet...no more looking forward to seeing him in the evenings and the weekends...

 

I just feel so empty without all that. Now I've heard he wants to emigrate to Australia...it doesn't feel right at all that he'll be on the other side of the world, without me. 3 months ago I could hug him, touch him, kiss him, he was so close to me...and in some months from now he'll be so far away from me, probably forever. That feels so wrong. I'll never get to feel and touch him ever again. He'll not be near me anymore. I can hardly bear the thought of him being so far away from me permanently. It also means that we won't get together ever again, it's very clear to me. It hurts so much.

 

Sorry for bragging so much about myself, just hope you know you're not alone in this pain.

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