finding your other soul mate

[meoww]

Anyone lose a soul mate (basically just another word for someone you really want to marry) and find another one?

 

if so, how long did it take and were you lonely until you found that person, or did you get over the loss completely before finding your new love?

[LDRohnos]

Ahhh Soul Mate...relationship myth! There's plenty of men out there that you're very compatible with! Take your time if you just broke up...take a LOT of time. When you stop thinking of your ex is when you're ready to move on.

[meoww]

Ahhh Soul Mate...relationship myth! There's plenty of men out there that you're very compatible with! Take your time if you just broke up...take a LOT of time. When you stop thinking of your ex is when you're ready to move on.

 

I know I sound like someone fresh out of a break up but it's been over a year. I would never admit it to my ex who has moved on but I'm still kind of in love with the idea of what we had...

 

I was never a believer in all this soul mate business until I met him! I think it's just mostly me wanting to have a good relationship with someone I really care about again. Thanks for your perspective--you're right, it's not that complicated, I just need to be more patient. Sometimes I lapse and start feeling lost again.

 

I would like to hear from people who have healed from really deep losses though. It would make me feel better.

[furiouspsych]

I'm feeling similar Meoww. In December it'll be 2 years, yet I just found out this week that my ex has moved on.

 

I've let "soul mates" go. Yes, plural. I've had at least 2 girls that I fully regret not doing more to keep them, but I was at a different place then. We all move on though, the amount of time differs for each person and each occurrence. I've had just a month or two before meeting someone great, this time it's taking much longer. It's tough to find the joys in being single sometimes, but I keep thinking of the pros rather than the cons when that negativity pops up.

Take care of yourself and keep a smile when out and about, it's the best thing you can do at this point.

[LDRohnos]

Most of it I'm sure comes from bouts of loneliness. I've been through 2 very painful breakups in my life and a few other ones that weren't as hard. My recent ex I broke up with about 8 months ago and there are times (usually when I'm feeling lonely) when I think about her. The hardest time for me are weekends usually when I *want* to be with someone yet turn around and have no one. That hurts at times but the only thing I can do is spin it into something positive. The extra free time I have now I can invest into MYSELF. I know that doesn't always replace having someone else but it's important to your own self-esteem and self-worth.

 

The bottom line though is it just takes time and keeping yourself occupied improving yourself. Just hang in there and keep fining new things to do and keep yourself busy, one week without thinking about him will turn into one month and eventually you'll just say "ex-who??". Trust me, it takes a long time to get over a hurt that deep, it's like a loved one dying...sometimes worse.

 

Hang in there!

[Realitynut]

6 months yesterday since I last saw him. Broke up later in the week over the phone. so no goodbyes in person. He planned it that way...he of course was seeing someone the whole time...long story. but I'm thinking of going up next week to get some of my things. Clothes, dishes, food, pots and pans...I was living with him, and took all my stuff to his house after my divorce....

 

Will make a new thread about that. I'm so torn. I still miss him, but I've only been 3 weeks out of my depression, and I don't want to go back to that dark hole. I still cry. But not daily like I did for 4 months. He's 4 hours away, I just want to go before the weather gets cold. But I'm so unsure if its the right choice.

 

I guess I have a week to decide. Was going to go up June9 (we originally were to be married june 11) but when we talked and he said he was in love with her, and lots of other things...I realized I was not able to drive up there and confront/see him. My pup misses him tho. lol

[meoww]

It's so hard!! but it's usually best to take what they say at face value, even if you're not totally convinced. Maybe it'll be good to see him, if he's really in love with her you'll see it with your own eyes. Good luck with everything!! xx

[Stay_home]

I'm not a supporter of the 'soulmate' myth, I think anything is possible with anybody.

[meoww]

I'm not a supporter of the 'soulmate' myth, I think anything is possible with anybody.

 

to be fair--soulmate as I used it was an umbrella term for 'intense connection' or something like that.

 

From my experience, I don't think anything is possible with anyone. I've tried living that perspective but I find myself in really unsatisfying and subsequently destructive relationships in the long run. These days, I don't believe in sacrificing my happiness to that principle, no matter how ideal.

[UnchainedSoul]

Dear Meoww,

I have loved so much and intensely that I tried to end my life when it was over. Not only did I believe that man was my soulmate but NO ONE could ever compare to him. I had invested 5 years into that relationship and when it was over I thought life was not worth living because I could not be without him. That was 7 years ago. I spent all that time being alone, dating here and there but always thinking about him because I felt that no one could compare to him. Until late last year I met someone new. Someone amazing. My true soulmate. Most people don't believe in soulmates but I believe that if there is an intense connection that you feel the remainder of your life then your soul, has found its mate. I have found him. After 7 years after that painful loss I felt it finally happened. Also, I am 31 now and I had a lot of growing up to do for myself. Taking care of myself and loving myself. My advice is work on you and he will come. He will. I feel it in my heart because the pain I felt all those years ago made me a stronger person and believe it or not a stronger advocate for love.

 

Hope this helped,

Lynn

[Realitynut]

I'm so happy for you, but sweetheart, I'm gonna be 57...and truly, they guys don't look as good as my ex!!! His vitality for his age was unbelievable. His best bud was 32, and some of his buddies were in their 20's. His boys were 26,28, and 30. So his friends, were his kid's age,,,was't that a little weird??

 

But anyway, finding someone new...hopefully I won't have to wait 7 years. I haven't dated since I was 30, and I haven't been alone since I was 18. Hmmm...actually I'm sitting here night after night alone, for the first time in my life! Boy, am I having fun NOW!!!