Batya33 Posted October 2, 2011 Share Posted October 2, 2011 I don't think being a doormat is nice so if you mean that you think she is kind because she'd allow someone to walk all over her, that just means she is insecure and seeks approval through good deeds -her focus is not as much to be kind as to be liked -a more selfish motive (even though the result is the same -she is kind to others). It's not a nice way to be -it can be selfish since it's all about her and she likely will get more insecure or resentful that she gives so much but doesn't seem to get the positive attention she wants -she's taken for granted. I don't think it's complimentary of you to refer to her as a "good girl" -she's not a girl -she's an adult - and it shows that you don't respect her with that label -she's more like an obedient puppy dog than someone who you admire for her kindness and strength. I do think you need to get over your attraction to cold, inconsiderate people unless you're looking simply to date around and have short term relationships -for the long term, while the cold/inconsiderate might turn you on or be a fun challenge, when you're a team with someone for the long term, you're going to value that person's compassion and kindness far more than having to be on your toes just to be thrown a bone of kindness (I am all for keeping each other challenged and interested but not by withholding affection). And if you eventually want a family you're not going to want to subject a child to an adult who is cold/inconsiderate when the child is not as "cute" all the time. Link to comment
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