Do rebounds occur in LDR, too?

[Sookie]

I'm just wondering, when you were in a LDR and your ex leaves your for someone else, someone local, does this count as a rebound, too?

 

Or is it that due to the distance, it's easier for them to fake everything is fine, while they had already checked out of the relationship emotionally and have done their grieving long ago? So it actually really IS easy for them to let go and move one without ever looking back?!

 

Thoughts?

[Crazyaboutdogs]

I don't believe in this whole "checking out long ago" excuse that people give for jumping straight from one relationship into another. It still amounts to the inability to be alone. If they had checked out long ago then they should have ended once they know they are no longer interested. They stick around not because they are unsure, but because they don't want to be without a partner, so they wait until they have someone else lined up before they bail on the old relationship. So rebound or not, it still comes from a place of dependence and not being able to stand on their own two feet without having someone prop them up.

[David Mac]

I like what you've written crazydogs, It makes sense as that's what I believed when my ex got with someone so quickly after we broke up.

[Sookie]

I don't believe in this whole "checking out long ago" excuse that people give for jumping straight from one relationship into another. It still amounts to the inability to be alone. If they had checked out long ago then they should have ended once they know they are no longer interested. They stick around not because they are unsure, but because they don't want to be without a partner, so they wait until they have someone else lined up before they bail on the old relationship. So rebound or not, it still comes from a place of dependence and not being able to stand on their own two feet without having someone prop them up.

 

Yeah, that is a good point... unfortunately I guess, many (if not most) ex's behave like this, at least from what I've seen on this forum so far It's really unfair for us, who are left behind And seems very easy for those who do the dumping...

[endy]

I don't believe in this whole "checking out long ago" excuse that people give for jumping straight from one relationship into another. It still amounts to the inability to be alone. If they had checked out long ago then they should have ended once they know they are no longer interested. They stick around not because they are unsure, but because they don't want to be without a partner, so they wait until they have someone else lined up before they bail on the old relationship. So rebound or not, it still comes from a place of dependence and not being able to stand on their own two feet without having someone prop them up.

 

I've always shared this opinion myself. With everything I've learned from a psychological standpoint it is true in my opinion. It's just not healthy behavior. It shows a lack of confidence and need for constant acceptance. Usually I would guess this behavior is learned from a parent or older sibling.

 

As far as the LDR part of it goes... I still think it's somewhat of a rebound. It may not have as much as an effect as that person is physically there, you are not, and they may or may not have had to face you. Either way though, the behavior in an of itself is unhealthy.

 

Examine why you are attracting these people. Usually like attracts like. Ask yourself and take a good look at how you accept yourself. Do you love yourself? Do you have a lot of self confidence and self esteem etc?

[token09]

I think all of the above is true. My ex said to me last week that she doesn't feel she has got as much out of the break up as i have. I can only think it is because she tried to move on too quickly, i.e. the rebound.

 

I do think LDR plays a major part in this. The fact that in an LDR, it is a big strain on the relationship. Having someone just be there, physically fills in aspects where we weren't there.

 

If you follow my story in my thread, you will know that i was still speaking to my ex until last week. She has told me that i make her happier than anyone else. But i also upset her more than anyone else. This new guy gives her a more constant level of happiness. Maybe not the extremes of her and i, but can be relied on more. I think the distance plays big part in that, and can lead to people looking at what is closer to them, someone that can be considered more reliable. But i think, as she is finding, this isn't always better if you just rebound into it.