How to start a conversation

[hmdreamer7]

I really like this guy who I see at least once a week during my commute to work... he owns a coffee shop that's on my way to work and because they make great coffee, they're also usually busy when I'm there. Anyway, he is incredibly friendly and a nice guy - but also really busy. I want to start a conversation with him, but I always feel as though I'm going to bother him or that he's too busy to stop and talk to me - I'm trying to break myself of that thinking! I've even practiced things that I could say to him, but when the time comes and I'm actually right in front of him, I feel like he's too busy to want to talk to me. Does anyone have any ideas on how to just stop and talk with someone, especially conversation starters that go beyond stuff like the weather?

[Flyingpiglet]

It sounds like you've already got things in mind that you could say to him.

I would say a bit of gentle flirting first maybe. The lingering look etc.

Or just something along the lines... You always seem busy in here... Do you ever get time to actually sit and drink coffee

Is there anyway you could 'go for coffee' at a less busy time?

[phresh]

I agree with what Flying said. In situations where theres little time to converse, you need to be direct and open. For example, when hes taking your order... "Hello can I get a small coffee. [Pause for a sec] Also I was also wondering whether youd like to...... or anything else you want to ask!

 

Personally, if hes seen you around the shop quite a few times, he won't think your a creep or stalker so go for it, you got nothing to lose GRANTED thats easier said than done.

 

If he says he would love to but hes busy.. just exchange contact info and let him know the offers still on the table if hes interested. Hope that helps

[hmdreamer7]

I think that's my biggest fear, phresh, that he's going to think I'm some sort of creep bc I come around a lot but don't say much more than just my order! Actually, now that I've written that out... it sounds kinda silly! But it's how I feel I guess - I wish this were easier for me, I just want to be one of those 'regulars' who can come in, order 'the usual' and strike up a conversation. I guess I just need to push myself to be direct!

 

Flyingpiglet, I actually have been there a couple of times when it was a little slower, but still, my nerves get the best of me and I don't strike up any conversation past ordering a drink. It's so weird when I get there bc I just freeze, I get stuck and I'm completely aware of it happening in the moment, and I don't know how to get out of it! But, I like both of your conversation ideas. Maybe I just need to practice them more in my head so that I get comfortable with the idea of initiating the conversation.

[Flyingpiglet]

Well dreamer..

 

You say he's a nice, friendly guy right?

Do you know whether he is single for definate? Always a tough one in these situations!

 

So I would say the trick would be to say something that will not cause you embarrassment if he is already taken.

Thats why I like the, 'so, when do you get to sit and drink coffee' sort of line. It could just be a throw away comment so if he for example says. 'I tend to meet up with my girlfriend after work' or 'I don't drink coffee' and just carries on without really acknowledging you, you haven't lost face or put yourself in a uncomfortable situation.

 

But if he is single, it may just make him look at you as something other than, just another customer!

Plus, you should be able to read a little from his reaction.

 

Or perhaps if you go in on a quieter day..... 'Hmmm, I fancy something different today, what do you recommend' or 'Whats your speciality'

 

Again it's quite a neutral statement so shouldn't cause emmbarrassment if things don't go the way you hope!!

 

Good luck anyway.

Be strong and confident... Apparently, guys love that!