Falling out of love after 6 years.

[raghimatiger]

Yep, so 30 seconds into being a member, I'm posting. I'll be honest it was my only purpose for joining. Okie dokie.

 

So, I'm 21 and have the most amazing 2 year old son. i'm a nurse so my schedual is quite hectic. Pretty much 7 days a week I'm doing atleast 4-11 hours a day. Whilst im at work my partner (let's say... X is his name) sits at home and looks after our son. Now, we have been together for 6 years, yes the cliche "On and off". We've been through the whole him cheating, seeing other people blah blah blah etc. My issue now is, he sits at home, earning money from the government for sitting at home & hardly looks after our son.I come home on my breaks (often 11.30am and X is asleep while my son is running around in the nappy i put on him the night before) I pay our rent, the bills, aswell as put food in the cupboard and put clothes on my child. I was once inlove with X but now I feel like I can say I love him but I'm not inlove with him (I am aware that makes absolutely no sense as X tells me). Put it this way the sight of him drives me insane but if we were to split up I'd probably hate myself for the rest of my life. I have no physical attraction to X at all, we don't talk and we have an absolute non exsistant sex life. I know this is my fault because he says he is still 100% inlove with me. But, I truly can't change how I feel. He has cut off all connections I have with any person of the oposite sex so it's not that I am inlove with anyone else. And I know this is sounding like its his fault but its not it's absolutely mine. I just can't work out why I can't just let him go so easy. In my head it sounds so easy, when it comes to our arguements its really not. What is going on in my brain seriously? Any suggestions other than psychiatric help? Thanks

[hangingout]

Sounds like your relationship is running its course and your partner could have self esteem issues. It sounds to me like you blame yourself for a lot of stuff. It's classic mistake women make. "it's my fault, I'm to blame" but it's not true here.

 

It takes 2 people to initiate sex and make the other feel sexy and wanted, it takes 2 people to raise a child and have joint responsibilities for their well being. The only blame you have is having allowed him to slowly take control over aspects of your life i.e. you going out to be the bread winner whilst he sits on his ass all day, and allowing him to cut off contact with people of the opposite sex. That's not cool and he has no reason to be jealous (considering he's the one who has cheated????????).

 

Sounds to me like you know deep down what's the right thing to do. It's make or break time. Start looking for ways to either communicate your needs -and HAVE THEM FULFILLED either with couples counseling or having clear goals he needs to do in say within a 6 month period or you leave (yes an ultimatum), or start to find a way out now i.e. finding a place for you and your child to build a life out of this relationship. It sounds like you're doing pretty much everything by yourself now anyway and your life wouldn't be any more difficult. If you take this step, you'll find angels in people who will help you out. Have faith in your well being. Everything is going to be fine

[lukeb]

Honestly I am not so sure that makes a lot of sense to me either where you say you love him but not in love with him. Maybe you are in love with the idea of love forever, the idea of being together forever.

 

The problem with getting together so young is that you inevitably had (and have) a lot of growing and changing to do, and the chances are always going to be high that you don't grow and chance the same way. So either you grow together or you grow apart, and it looks like you guys did the latter.

 

Yes he cheated but you say you have no physical attraction to him, and that it is your fault that the sex life is non-existent. Well if you want the relationship to be monogamous, then you are his only sexual outlet.

 

There is no question there is a reason why you are still with him, you are the bread winner, maybe you feel that gives you the upper hand in the relationship, maybe it is something else.

[catfeeder]

Why decide that you'd hate yourself for dumping him when you can thank yourself instead?

 

What does this guy bring to the table that's fabulous enough to weigh your whole life down for him?

 

We never get any wasted time back again for a do-over.

[Stay_home]

It's not your fault at all.

[Mesemene]

It sounds like you have less a partner and mate, and more a second, albeit bigger, child.

 

You go out, you work. You come home, and do more work.

 

It takes two people to keep a relationship healthy and thriving. What is he doing while you're working to be a partner? Is he doing even a decent portion of childcare? Housework? Laundry? Having dinner ready for you after a long day?

 

If "none of the above" is your answer, it's no wonder you don't have a sex life. Except for controlling who you can see/talk to, what IS he really contributing to your relationship? You'd be mentally, physically, and emotionally wrung dry on a daily basis. Not much extra energy left there to feel sexy when you finally get to the point you can sit down and relax, is there?

[hangingout]

Agreed with all of the above.

[LeoB]

I have a hard time believing he's 100% in love with you. At the very least, he'd lavish his love for you on your son. And do housework to show that he loves you and wants you to have time to spend with him. You are running yourself ragged. Can you try to mend some of your friendships or call a family member you trust? It sounds like you need to talk this out with someone who will listen and help you. Even a divorce support group orsingle parent's group might help. I think you need to break your isolation so that you don't have feel like you have to be super woman.