My Story - Need Advice Please

[Acrylamide]

I came here mid August looking for answers and advice. Some helped, some were just repetitive remarks I received from numerous people, and some were things I completely ignored as my state of mind was compromised. Now that I am in a much more stable mind set, I would like to present my story. Of course, I have posted bits of pieces of my situation, but I feel I need to start from the beginning to better assess the situation.

 

We met sometime in late March, before winter quarter was about to end. When I met her I had no interest whatsoever and I was enjoying my single life that involved going to clubs and doing whatever I wanted with no consequences. She was not even close to my type so I simply initiated small talk and walked away. She was cute, but never crossed my mind.

 

Spring quarter starts about 3 weeks later and I found myself sitting outside of my Economics class waiting for class to start. A familiar figure approaches me and it turns out to be her. She starts talking to me, but eventually one of her friends pops up and she quickly occupies herself in their conversation. To avoid the awkward situation I departed and sat near the stairs while waiting for class to start. My watch hits 6:00PM and the class before mine starts to empty the lecture hall. For some reason she came back to me and wanted to sit with me. I sat with her that day, but for the following next two weeks we didn't even see each other since we never exchanged contact information. I see her two weeks later and she asks for my number so we can sit next to each other. I gave it to her, but she only texted me about class related things.

 

Sometime during that period she wanted to have dinner. She joked around about me paying for her dinner, but I told her that that would be strange. She still wanted dinner and so we had it. During dinner she suggested we go to the temple (we are both buddhist) and I agreed after she repeatedly asked me to take her. It was about a 30 minute drive, and when we got there what was supposed to be a temple turned out to be a buddhist church. I gave her so much crap for that.

 

That following weekend when I woke up, I felt a strange sensation in my chest that I hadn't felt for quite a while. I missed her and I think I started to like her. She didn't text me for a week, and the sensation grew so I decided to see what happened if I took some initiative. We hung out and connected on a level I never thought I could reach with anyone. We had nothing in common (she hated the movies and music I enjoyed and we had completely different hobbies), but there was so much chemistry somehow.

 

Then came the night when it became official. I invited her to have a couple of beers and a movie to just hang out because she told me how much she loved drinking beer. I had my personal stash of Blue Moons in the fridge, but I picked up some smirnoff ice just in case she didn't like my beer. We were supposed to just have a couple of drinks, since I was supposed to take her home that night (it was Thursday night and we both had class on Friday). She bought me some Spam Musubi when I picked her up and we watched Grown Ups. I wanted to start off slow, but she completely chugged her first smirnoff ice. She wanted to try a Blue Moon so I gave her one and she chugged that too. She preferred the Blue Moon over the Smirnoff Ice! She ended up drinking about 6 beers, while I had 5 and we talked all night. It was amazing. We eventually made out and fell asleep in each other's arms. For some reason I was really drunk so my memory is slightly blurred. I just remember her telling me how she wanted to show everyone that I was hers. I told her that I really cared about her and we both fell asleep.

 

I never thought I could feel that way about anyone. I fell so HARD for her.

 

Fast forward a couple of months, we both attended a party where I was supposed to just have a couple of drinks. I ended up taking well over 10 (we just finished finals) and I was incapable of driving home. She offered her place and even took care of me at the party when my friends kept telling me to take more shots (she swapped out my shots with wine shots). She kept sneaking kisses that night during the party and kept staring into my eyes even though I was gone. I never thought she would leave me...

 

Back at her place, the last bit of alcohol finally hit me and I started telling her things. I normally lie when I'm drunk, but for some reason I poured my heart and soul out. I told her how much I loved her and how special she made me feel. I also told her about how I had a friends with benefit thing before I met her. She wasn't bothered by it at all. She said I was being really sweet and she enjoyed my drunk stories. Summer was about to hit in about a week, and I kept telling her how much I was going to miss her when I was drunk. She repeatedly told me that it would only be a couple of months and we would see each other soon. I held onto her promise. I missed and waited for her return.

 

Two weeks before she was coming back she started acting strange. She started replying to my texts a day later. I'd text her at 2PM and she would text me at 8pm the following day. I asked her if there was another guy, but she quickly denounced that. She came back on August 1st, but I wanted to confront her about the situation to see what was up. I had the mind set that she was going to break up with me so I had mentally prepared myself. She did. She told me I was being insecure and she wanted a break. We didn't see each other for two months... who would request a break? I didn't fight for her and I respected her decision that night. I took her home and called my best friend to tell him what happened. He told me to keep my head up. I felt fine until I got into bed that night. I didn't sleep as my mind kept replaying all these memories... and I went to my internship the next day as a zombie. What shocked me was when I got home. I was suddenly taken over my emotions and I started crying. I felt so pathetic. I never cry, yet I was over here crying my eyes out.

 

What came next was so horrible. I couldn't eat or sleep for the next 4 weeks. I lost more than 10 pounds and I cried everyday. It kept getting worse and at a point I wanted to just jump in front of the next moving car to end my misery. She contacted me 2 days later and suggested we should still be friends. She asked for dinner, and stupidly I accepted. I felt like throwing up the whole time, but I managed to act like nothing was wrong. She invited me back to her place where we sat in her kitchen and chatted for 2 hours. We usually hung out in her room, so I assumed that the kitchen was her way of showing she wanted only a friendship. We had lunch 2 days later and I still maintained my composure.

 

Of course, I started feeling worse as the days went by. I decided that I needed some closure so I contacted her. She was cold, and didn't want to dwell on the past. She told me to move on. She forced the conversation over text, when I originally wanted to meet in person. I asked for 10 minutes of her time, but she wouldn't give me that. She told me we had clashing personalities and that we had nothing in common.

 

We argued about a couple of things, but I never thought it was worth breaking up over. She also said that over the summer that she realized she liked me as a friend only.

 

Fast forward to now, I feel much better than my state of mind in august. I still miss her and love her. Oh, and did I mention that I'm pretty drunk right now as I'm typing this? I apologize.

 

TO SUM UP THINGS: Is there any chance I could have a second chance. I love her. I can't seem to move on.

[EgoJoe]

Stop saying can't because you can and you will. Can't is self defeating language supporting self defeating behavior. You got drunk and plopped your deck out to be seen and ruined the attractive vibe you had in the "get to know each other" portion of the honeymoon stage before things really kickoff.

 

Focus on healing and moving on to an indifferent state of mind before anything else. Your perspective will evolve. Stop talking to her, say no to friends, do not explain why.

[hazelnut321]

I feel for you. I think all of us here know what you are going through. LOVE is something that endures over time. You didn't have enough time with her to REALLY be in love, IMO. YOu said yourself, that she wasn't your type, you had nothing in common- but had great chemistry.

 

Hon, that sounds like pure lust to me. It's so hard to tell the difference at first- they are both very strong emotions.

 

Like EgoJoe said, put positive words into action. Easier said than done, but it really does help. Self-talk that you are moving forward in your life and you've closed this chapter. Writing a list of pros and cons about your relationship is also good. Make sure the cons outweigh the pros and put it on the fridge.

 

I think in 3 months you will have moved on- for good. You will wonder "WTH was I thinking?" Good luck! You are going to be just fine, promise!

[Hastyhand]

Your story is similar to mine at not seeing eachother for 2 months, having a break and then eventually breaking up part.

Except in my case we were together for years before the downhill. So it is a lot easier for you actually.

 

Go NC, dont stay friends and move on.

 

Also watch the movie 500 days of summer.(again in case if you have seen it)

[Mesemene]

 

Good starting point thread for setting some goals and getting on track with the focus on you, instead of on how miserable you feel right now.

[catfeeder]

I agree with the folks above that the language you select for your self talk is a crucial decision. It makes no sense to keep rehashing your story with the same self-defeating focus. It's a decision. You can decide at any time to surprise everyone, including yourself, with your resiliency and ability to bounce back. Once that becomes your choice, you'll take every small step possible in the right direction until you find yourself where you've chosen to be.

 

Nobody else can make that decision for you.

 

Head high.

[Acrylamide]

Lust? The idea of sex never crossed my mind. It's already been little bit over 2 months since the BU and I'm still dreaming. I just woke up from a dream that still has me shaking. The relationship was short, but I fell for her hard and I thought she fell for me.

 

Even though we had nothing in common she was willing to do things I enjoyed and I was willing to do things she enjoyed. I eventually started liking them. If that's not love, then I don't know what my past relationships have been. I've dated a girl for 7 months, but this girl in such a short span of time had me doing things I would never do.

 

I was willing to do anything for her.