Help!

[arod111]

I met someone through a friend and we seemed to click from day 1. It's been almost 6 months since I've been seeing this person and up until 2 months ago things were going really well. This man is currently going through a divorce he is legally separated from his wife. They have a 4 year old son. The beginning as in all new "relationships" was very exciting, We would see each other at least once a week, text every few days and talk at least once a week. He displayed lots of enthusiasm and interest, always initiating contact, asking for dates, being very affectionate etc. me... not so much. I was in a relationship for 11 years that had a very bad ending and have since put up walls, encased in barbed wire... with and electrified fence behind all that. I am not quick to display emotions or invest myself emotionally into something so recent. We started sleeping together about a month and a half (about 8 dates) into this. Like I said he was always very affectionate. Lots of hand holding and cuddling. he would stare at me with a smile on his face (that would kind of freak me out) overall he seemed to be very into me, me and my walls I refused to believe he was really into me and constantly misread all his actions and doubted his intentions. He never asked for exclusivity although he asked if I was dating others, I was and I was honest. He and I did not have a formalized relationship so I assumed we were at liberty to see others. 2 months ago he asked if I was sleeping with other people (I am not) and I told him it wasn't any of his business. I understand that it IS in fact his business as whomever I'm sleeping with, he's sleeping with, but I'm not the type of person to sleep with multiple partners and I let him know this when we first slept together and I was caught off guard and I thought he was asking because he wanted me to know that HE was sleeping with others and I shouldn't get so attached (my guard at it's best). Ever since then he has changed drastically. He stopped reaching out, and when he does I feel like it's to be polite as he hasn't asked for a date. He did ask to see me about a month ago then canceled never rescheduled. I asked for a date last week and got one but having not seen him for over a month it was extremely awkward. We had very poor conversation, but did have sex. He brought up the sleeping with others question and I admitted that I was not and that he had caught me off guard originally. He told me he wasn't sleeping with anyone else and had not since we started talking. At the end of the night when he walked me out he said "I'm glad I could be of service to you tonight". I did not understand what he meant by that, I was completely caught off guard and did not respond. He clearly thinks I'm using and that I'm sleeping around and this is not the case.Txtd him that night and have not gotten a response from him. I understand that I was not displaying that much interest originally, but I don't see why he would think I wasn't interested. I'm hurt by his comment and this recent lack of interest although I understand I'm at fault. He would ask me why I never called or txtd etc....I haven't heard from him and I don't think he will be reaching out but i am dissapointed as I did feel a genuine connection with him. I was fighting all these emotions but not having him around for so long brought them to the surface. Is there anyway I can reverse this?

[Mesemene]

What was the reason his marriage was breaking up?

[arod111]

Don't have the full details. He always starts to open up about it then shuts down. Seems very bitter. I know it was his decision though.

[Mesemene]

Sounds like he may have been on the end of finding out his soon-to-be ex was a cheater, or verging on it.

 

I wouldn't get involved with him unless he takes time to come to terms with his baggage, whatever it may be, and lose the bitterness - it'll just follow him into any new relationship otherwise, and that, well, you don't need it. If you told him "but I'm not the type of person to sleep with multiple partners and I let him know this when we first slept together" and he responded by behavior that assumed you were sleeping with multiple people because you went out with them, your word doesn't mean enough to him - there's a definite lack of trust there.

 

And his comment about being of service - way out of line, IMO.

 

I could scold you for getting involved with a guy who's still married (even if separated legally) but you've put yourself in enough misery without me adding to it!

 

Just remember from now on - getting involved with someone who is still dealing with an ex, or with ex issues, almost always ends in heartache for the other party...

 

IMO, the only chance you'd have for this to really "work" is for you two to reconnect after he's resolved his current situation. And I'd be really hesitant, regardless of his reasons, to form a relationship with someone who could dismiss you with a comment about "servicing" you. He sure didn't have a problem with you sleeping with him, now, did he?

[arod111]

I don't know that it was cheating. From my understanding she was very manipulative and controlling. I'm certain there is nothing between them though (romantic wise, they are obviously tied for life as they have a child).

 

I know its best to wait for people to unpack their baggage but when I got involved I wasn't aware of this jealous side or of how quickly I would develop feelings. I tried to keep myself emotionally detached but eventually these things catch up.

 

He has a very sarcastic personality so I really could be reading too much into his comments. Really it's his lack of enthusiasm and contact that has thrown me off. If anything his comment leads me to believe that he's hurt cause the thinks that's all I see him as and he used his sarcastic jokestar side as a way to put it out there... I don't know how serious I should take him. I know I haven't really invested much into this abut there are definitely issues to be resolved if he ever plans on pursuing something .

 

Thanks for your input!