Scared of being alone tonight

[Tarnation Joe]

I really screwed up my marriage and now I am separated from my wife of thirteen years.

She says its not too late, and we're in counseling and there is hope.

 

But she and the kids have been my whole world for a long time. Starting tonight, she has the house and kids again for a week.

I've been such a insulated homebody that I have few friends. The ones I do have are busy, and I hate to mope around them anyway.

 

I'm not too mopey, as there is hope. But I am really uncomfortable. I have to keep my spirits up to help the process of getting my family back together. I have to give her time and space.

I have an empty bedroom at my parents house waiting for me and that's it. They aren't even there.

 

I don't know what to do with myself. All it looks like I have left is to find a barstool every night until I get the house and kids again.

I've never done that before, but I've got to find a way to keep myself busy, if only to be more healthy when we can work on the marriage.

 

I don't know how its done. I haven't made a friend in fifteen years at least. I'm just wimping out and being scared of being alone, I know.

[DerekJason]

Keep your head up TJ, just know that what you are feeling is temporary.

[pl3asehelp]

My advice is to skip the barstool. That's not going to help anything and in fact will hurt your chances of getting back together. Why don't you spend that time doing something positive to improve yourself such as exercise? Athletic activities often make making friends easier at any stage in your life. Maybe you'll lift weights and find a partner to work out with - everyone needs a spotter. Or you can bike in a group....

 

Maybe skip the parents house too if you can afford it. That would certainly get me down moving in with my mother. I'd rather get a short term sublet off craigslist, apartment, or hotel even before I'd camp at my parents for any longer than a couple days. Just demoralizing and depressing which you don't need right now.

[offplanet]

Those who said skip the barstool, and go to the gym, have advised well. Thankfully, you say you're not too 'mopey' because there is hope. That's good you're not in the depths of depression because it will make it easier to take up some new interests. This is the best thing you can do! It will be good for you for whether you reconcile or not. In fact it's a great opportunity for you to branch out, seeing as you say you havent made a friend in 15 years, and have been a homebody. You will be more interesting to her, and it will boost your confidence. I don't know what things you might have ever thought you'd like to try learning, but now is the ideal time to try something out at a community centre or whatever you have there. I took up drawing and painting in this situation many years ago. It could be sport or meditation or cooking or writing or discussion. There must be something you might like. It can only be winning situation. You will open up different sides of yourself. Your wife will not need to feel sorry for you, because you will be out there doing something, and doing it, hopefully, with other people. Good luck with it.