I am worried about the lack of sex

[dark angel9]

I am having my first serious relationship (early 30's) and I have been with my boyfriend for 8 months. We now live together.

 

We never really had that much sex. Still, when we were dating, it was every time we saw each other. Now that we live together, it is only 2-3 times per week.

 

I can't help but worry that it's not enough. I know that I am not his exact physical type and that doesn't help.

 

We do love each other but I so deeply wish that he desired me more on an purely physical level. I can't help but think that that's what couples in love truly do

 

We talked about it and he said that he has low sex drive and doesn't need/want sex every day. He actually just prefers to snuggle and cuddle. He is very physically affectionate otherwise.

 

Is this relationship doomed?

 

BTW it's not that I have high sex drive, it's more that I feel unattractive because I feel like he doesn't want me. I go to gym regularly and am thin and in better shape than he is...

[Keyman]

You say 2-3 times a week like it isn't much. I think most of us would love to be having sex 2-3 times a week. And often, 8 months in the sex will be starting to slow down into a more regular amount a week. So, there is nothing wrong here.

 

I DO think you have a high libido and by the sounds of it, it's higher than your boyfriend's. That's not a bad thing, it will just need an arrangement between you both to meet your needs. Maybe you need to ramp up the initiating yourself and make him feel wanted, or make him want you.

 

At an extreme, maybe he has some intimacy issues, the girl I broke up with this week has major intimacy issues and I could just not go on, and this included sexually with her either. I'm not saying this is the case though.

 

Perhaps he could assist you in helping you to get off on some other days to relieve some of that need?

[Ms Darcy]

Yes you should worry. Not about the amount of sex, but because of the origin. You have several other threads stating your concerns, and I just don't see enough there to last a lifetime. Having said that, I don't think he'd leave right away ... but given where he is now (and how you feel too!) long-term would be a tough road.

[Alezia]

I don't get the feeling that you have a high sex drive, and that you are actually ok with having sex 2-3x a week. It's just that the fact that he isn't crazy wanting sex with you like any red blooded male would do makes you insecure, is that right?

 

I am getting the feeling that this is really not about the sex, so are there other issues in your relationship?

[dark angel9]

I don't get the feeling that you have a high sex drive, and that you are actually ok with having sex 2-3x a week. It's just that the fact that he isn't crazy wanting sex with you like any red blooded male would do makes you insecure, is that right?

 

 

Yes...that's it. I worry that he is not as attracted to me as he should be.

[offplanet]

I would find it depressing to have someone not seem that attracted to me, and to know that I wasn't his preferred physical type.

[dark angel9]

But would he really ask me to move in with him, do many sweet and nice things for me, tell me he loves me constantly if he is not that attracted to me?

 

Would he even be with me for 8 months?

 

It's confusing.

[dark angel9]

I guess the million dollar question is:

 

If he had a girl that he is exactly his type, would he still have sex with her twice a day? Or would he still have low sex drive?

 

I am prepared to work with the latter but not if former is the case.

 

Not sure how to find that out though.