igo Posted September 29, 2011 Share Posted September 29, 2011 I posted about this a while back but, I figured I would give it it's own thread. Here is what happened to me. I meet this girl at church. We seem to have a lot of common interests. We go out for a bike ride around the city. It was a short / relaxed date. We seem to hit it off pretty good and I hung out for a bit at her house after the bike ride and we had pretty good conversation. We had pretty good eye contact and I gave her a hug on the way out. A few days later I try to get the second date set up (dinner and a movie) and she was too busy to do anything. I get the hint and end the call. I sent her an email the next day so I could get a little more information. This is her response: [...]I had a good time and we did click, but only on a friend level. I also really do not have time to date anyone right now. I'm really not interested in starting a relationship--regardless of who its with. I have a lot on my plate with grad school, teaching and [...] coming up. I've realized over the past few years that I need to be taking care of myself before I can have a relationship with anyone else and recently, I haven't been taking care of myself quite as well as I should. So, I need to focus on the things that matter most to me right now and having a relationship just isn't one of them. That's all I really have to say, which probably doesn't help That was around a month ago. Since then We have had some interaction over facebook and text. Plus, I see her 2 days a week at church and we chat for a bit most days. I realized that she IS insanely busy (that was not just a made up story). She is working on her PHD and spends around 50-55 hours between lab and teaching. And then does yoga a few days a week and church 2 days a week. I still have feelings for her but, I realize their is no way that she could have a relationship with her crazy schedule. I am looking on an online dating site and other places for women. I just can't get this girl out of my head and the situation sucks. I wouldn't say I am completely "friend-zoned" either. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
EgoJoe Posted September 29, 2011 Share Posted September 29, 2011 Her message is a super congenial let down which doesn't backburner you or make excuses. I am honestly attracted to this girl now that I've seen how direct she was. If you strike out let me get her number, hahaha! I kid. I removed my first bit because I glossed over her response! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DN Posted September 29, 2011 Share Posted September 29, 2011 Move on - sorry, but she is clearly not interested. Find someone who is. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LDRohnos Posted September 29, 2011 Share Posted September 29, 2011 I agree, even if you "bag" her with some sweet moves she's going to resent you for going against her wishes. Chances are it won't work out anyway. Find someone else. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CMS Posted September 29, 2011 Share Posted September 29, 2011 Not interested, move on Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bichin Posted September 29, 2011 Share Posted September 29, 2011 Even super busy girls will tell you when to expect them to have spare time if they are interested (could be months from now), clearly she isn't interested. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
igo Posted September 29, 2011 Author Share Posted September 29, 2011 Yeah, you guys are saying what I already know. I just wonder how the situation would have been different if she had a less hectic schedule. Plus, I hate seeing that she is single and available but, not really available. The PHD comes first. It's disappointing because I never really had much of a chance and she is a super cool girl. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
EgoJoe Posted September 29, 2011 Share Posted September 29, 2011 So tell her that and date others. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
igo Posted September 29, 2011 Author Share Posted September 29, 2011 So tell her that and date others. Tell her what? This: I just wonder how the situation would have been different if she had a less hectic schedule. Plus, I hate seeing that she is single and available but, not really available. The PHD comes first. It's disappointing because I never really had much of a chance and she is a super cool girl. I just went on a date with someone else a few days ago. This was the first date I have had since the bike date a month ago. It's not like me and this girl were a couple or anything. Keep in mind I do run into her once or twice a week at church. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
motley802 Posted September 29, 2011 Share Posted September 29, 2011 I've had that experience before and I waited for "super busy" girl who told me that she had no time due to grad school and all. We remained as friends and used to chat online once in a while. One fine day she told me she found a boyfriend. I asked her about her busy schedule. She told me that we did click on romantic level but she met someone who was exactly like her dream guy and she couldn't let him go. Everything between us ended there itself. Good grief! Sorry but I don't want to spoil your feelings for her. May be she is really busy but trade your waters carefully. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jenny_mcs Posted September 30, 2011 Share Posted September 30, 2011 Yeah, you guys are saying what I already know. I just wonder how the situation would have been different if she had a less hectic schedule. Plus, I hate seeing that she is single and available but, not really available. The PHD comes first. It's disappointing because I never really had much of a chance and she is a super cool girl. It seems like you are glossing over the real reason- where she says she only clicked with you "on a friend level." This means she isn't interested in you romantically. Her stuff about being super busy was meant to soften that blow. Glad you found someone else that you are interested in! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
igo Posted September 30, 2011 Author Share Posted September 30, 2011 Oh, I saw the dreaded F word in there. It's funny because I feel like we both know each other a lot better now then when she sent that message ( 1 month ago). Yeah, I feel like I didn't get a chance to be more then friends with just one short date! bleh. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ms Darcy Posted September 30, 2011 Share Posted September 30, 2011 Agree with Jenny. Friendzone. Move on my friend. Good luck. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
igo Posted September 30, 2011 Author Share Posted September 30, 2011 Ugh, How can I be put in the friendzone so quickly! Oh, and the first date she showed some signs of interest: eye contact, hair fliping, she briefly mentioned an old boyfriend (only because it related to the topic we were talking about) and quickly said "she is over him". Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
capilot Posted September 30, 2011 Share Posted September 30, 2011 but only on a friend level No, you have no chance whatsoever. Sorry. It really doesn't get any more unambiguous than that. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CMS Posted September 30, 2011 Share Posted September 30, 2011 Get over it man, stop obsessing over a girl that is not interested, move onto other girls who are interested. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
igo Posted September 30, 2011 Author Share Posted September 30, 2011 Ok, thanks for slapping some sense into me. I am pursuing a different girl at the moment. I have kept the mindset of the past month of being a friend but, not being to close. I am happy to get to know someone in the church and getting to know her has led me to become more active in the church (which is a good thing). Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CMS Posted September 30, 2011 Share Posted September 30, 2011 BTW this situation is not entirely irreversible, what you need to do is move on now, date a few other girls (attractive ones preferred), show her that you are desirable by the females and she MIGHT change her mind in a few months. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
igo Posted October 2, 2011 Author Share Posted October 2, 2011 UPDATE: Well, yesterday she set her Facebook to "in a relationship". It's some phd Lab partner of her's. Well, I am fine with that. I can finally feel like I can be a friend with her at church and not have feelings. Now that she is "off limits". Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Stockings Posted October 7, 2011 Share Posted October 7, 2011 Huh, so much for her being direct and honest. Mind you, this status change could be a way of keeping potential suitors at bay since she's opting out of dating at the moment, but that doesn't change that she's off limits. She would have indicated when she would be "less busy" in her original message if she had been interested in you. Next, as they say! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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