ThatGirl24 Posted September 29, 2011 Share Posted September 29, 2011 First off, I'm here for some encouragement and need some advice. Keeping it bottled up is really starting to bother me! I'm really having a tough time with this. I'm 23. I've always lived with my parents, my sister and we've always been a close family. I've been engaged to a wonderful man since March. (We've been together for about 3 years now). We are getting married May of next year. We live an hour away from each other - initially, he wanted me to move to his town now.. but honestly, I didn't want to be an hour away from my family. We compromised and settled for the middle - 30 minutes away from where we both are currently. He will be about 40 minutes away from work, which is no different than what he drives now. I'm thankful we agreed on in between. He's loving, supportive, we get along so very well - no doubt he is the man I've waited all of my life for. I am excited to start a life with him, purchase a home and have children and experience the joys of being married. I don't want to live my whole life and miss out on that - I've always dreamed of being a good wife & mother! Now, the problems... I'm having a super tough time imagining getting married and moving about 30-35 miles away from where I am currently. I know you may think it's silly - but I just have such an extreme fear for some reason. My parents are in their 60's, not in the best of health, so I help them out a lot. Cooking, helping mow, cleaning the house, etc. I feel SO, SO guilty about leaving them that it just breaks my heart. I know they have my older sisters who will help them out also and I will visit often, but it still bothers me to no end. I also have extreme fear that something will happen to one of them health-wise... honestly that has always been a fear since I was a small child. I also had a very difficult time being away from my mom when I was a kid... not really sure why, but maybe it stemmed from that fear? Then in another way, I feel like this is my "comfort zone" - what I've always known and it will uncomfortable to leave. I'm used to being around a large family, the house being loud with kids around & always having someone to talk to. That is my "normal". I stayed overnight with my fiance and we had the house alone... honestly, I enjoy his company greatly but it was so quiet and it made me uneasy. It almost put me in a panic - I'm not used to that. I love him so much and I don't want to feel like that. I also work from home (not always, my job changed and for the past 2 years I've worked out of my home office) and my mom is with me during the day - we talk, eat lunch together. I stress when I think about a quiet house during the day. I seriously may have to start a new job after I move just so I'll keep myself occupied during the day - seriously, it's crossed my mind. My fiance gets up for work at 4:45am and doesn't get home until 5 or sometimes 6 - and sometimes works out of town. I think I'll struggle with being alone at nights, too. Don't laugh - I'm being 100% honest. Lately, I've been waking up in a panic thinking about "it's all going to change soon and I won't be waking up here." It seriously makes me want to run and that in itself breaks my heart, because I'm excited for the most part. Some days, I am soo happy and into planning it and looking at houses and thinking how much fun we'll have being married and planning a new life together, and it'll be okay because I can come visit my parents a lot or they can come down for dinner - then some days I just don't want to even think about it. I'm trying so hard to be strong and positive because I know life is too short for this! Can anyone give me some words of hope, advice? Anything? I really need it. I don't understand my fear - am I just the world's biggest chicken?! maybe it's fear of the unknown, my own insecurities, who knows? This really is hard for me - I've expressed my views to fiance and he tries be really positive & says sweet stuff that will help, but it really doesn't truly help me. I just want to adapt to this change and embrace it and be okay with it!!! HELP! Link to comment
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