Left me for the rich guy...

[Aqua066]

Ok. My story very simply is she left me about 7 months ago because we weren't getting along and because she met another guy. She and I went back and forth a couple of times after her fighting with the new guy... She ultimately stayed with him and left me hanging (literally left me without a word). A little over three weeks ago (after 4 months of hard NC), she came back to me again after the new dude apparently broke up with her. She apologized for what she did, missed talking to me, blah, blah, blah. We spent time together and were in constant contact via text, seeing each other at work, talking on the phone and hanging out. I was on cloud nine. Then bam! The other dude came back hard and next thing you know she drops me like a bad habit. All this talk about being friends, etc. doesn't matter anymore apparently.

 

So what's killing me and I don't know why... is that this guy she left me for 7 months ago and again recently has A LOT OF money. He has like three cars, a Porcshe, Corvette and some other truck or something. He lives in a big ass house that apparently he designed. Now that there back together again, she's now driving his Porcshe into work... which absolutely sucks! It makes me sick to my stomach every time I see it (she drove by me today on my way to work).

 

Now, I never, ever thought my ex was about the money until our recent contact because of the comments she made about his house, cars, his 6,000 watch, etc. It pissed me off like you wouldn't imagine. Now, she doesn't make a lot of money at all. She drives an old car, lives in a very modest apartment. But I honestly think that this girl is with this guy because of the money and the life that he can give her. Now I'm not broke by any means but I'm not in the same finacial category of this guy. It is absolutely killing me. Also, this guy is NOTHING looks wise. He's older then me by 6 years, bald and really skinny (I'm a lot more muscular, full head of hair and better looking).

 

I know I can't ever take this girl back for all that she's done and I've gone about steps to ensure she doesn't come back like blocking her number on my phone, etc. but this is something I am having such a hard time with right now. I can't stop thinking about it!!! I hate her for leaving me for this chode! I hate her for coming back to me for her selfish reasons! and I hate her for going back to this guy for his money and throwing that damn Porcshe in my face!!! Remember it was just three weeks ago she was sleeping in my bed!!

 

I don't know why this hurts me sooo much? Maybe its my pride or something. If she was with some poor guy I don't think it would hurt me as much. Do women really leave men for guys with more money?? How long can that last for?

 

After her now living this beautiful rich life, how can she ever turn that down? How can I get this out of my head and over this?!?!?

[Eocsor]

Women leave for all sorts of reasons money and lifestyle being one. You can't compare yourself to an exes new boyfriend as it's a losing battle. All you need to know is that she's gone and from the sounds of it you dodged a bullet. She's his problem now.

 

It's not a judgement of you and who you are. It just didn't work and the fact that he's rich and you aren't doesn't mean he's better than you. And after all you've been though it's a good thing she's gone. She sounds like a peace of work.

[thelastsong]

Listen to the song "Stars and the Moon" by Jason Robert Brown. She'll probably end up regretting it eventually, but even if she does, don't you want someone who would live in a rundown apartment just because she loves you? Girls like that do exist. It all comes down to priorities, and you're better off with someone who puts love and family and friends above trivial things like money and luxury goods.

 

It'll get better, I promise.

[Mun]

Hi there,

I'm very sorry you are going through this and hey I congratulate you for having the courage to block her number and such. Yes there are women ( and some men) who are this shallow. I don't blame you one bit for how you feel. I can sort of relate

 

I want you to know that not all women are like this. Keep moving forward, there is a girl out there that will love you with much or little because she will love you for you not just for what you provide. This girl sounds like she is all about herself. Her attempts to come back to you were only to feed her self esteem while that guy and her were split. Do yourself a favor and don't give her the time of day. You deserve better treatment.

 

stay strong

mun

[C_Unknown2005]

You dodge a major Bullet. Don't let your self-esteem take a hit. Love yourself man there are better women in this world for you. Money helps but it shouldn't make an individual happy in life.

[petite]

Count your lucky starts! You're better off and you will find a girl that doesn't care how much you earn. She obviously was not right for you and hopefully this guy will see right through her and dump her! Remember, just because some people have money it does not mean they live great or happy lives.

[tattoobunnie]

She went back and forth a few times between the both of you. Her recent breakup had nothing to do with the money. You didn't get along when the initial break-up happened...focus on that...that's why she left. If she really left you for a rich guy, she wouldn't have tried again with you in the first place.

 

How I know this...I've always dated wealthy men, and am marrying a po' guy in two months because he's the best.

[Furtive]

I generally despise feelings of angst, especially when they're caused by someone else's material success.

 

Look, she was not a good woman. Period. She was not the first to do this in the world, and definitely not the last.

 

The new guy may just have a loveless life with her, and maybe that's all he's ever known (or maybe he's a great guy in other ways, we'll never know).

 

So in some respect, you won. It's not a total loss. Unless he was trying to get with her well you were solid with her, you have no reason to hate this guy at all. Direct your sadness/anger towards the woman that broke up with you, then jumped back into your life when she thought her new relationship wouldn't work, then left you just as fast when she saw an opportunity for it to work again.

 

Don't sweat it and don't hate him based on his success because some material-obsessed loser chose him over you.

[swann]

Hey Aqua066,

 

Sorry for what you going through but you will come out a better man for it I bet. I also agree with the "you dodged a bullet and count your lucky stars" quotes. Those two lines are true. And I realize it hurts, especially seeing her all the time (thank goodness I don't have that issue) so I feel for you there also. She's NOT the woman for you. The sooner you accept that AND LET HER GO the quicker you will heal.

 

And I would also add to letting the "rich guy and his house and car" junk go as well. He's just a dude who puts his pants on the same way you do. She left you for another guy period. Rich or poor. I get what your saying but it really makes no difference. And when you say "throwing that damn Porsche in my face" who is really hurting you here? Think about it. You are the only one who is letting this happen to yourself. She is just driving a car, nothing more nothing less but you are attaching an emotional value to it and letting it cut you like a knife. I hate to say it but you are doing that to yourself. On the flip side, you control you right? So stop letting your emotions run wild. Hard to do sometimes and we're only human but just ask yourself "are you letting someone else determine your happiness" and go from there.

 

There are always going to be people who have more than you or me and there is always going to be people who have less than you or I. There will always be someone in front of you, beside you and behind you.

 

Be happy with yourself. I wish you well.

[tattoobunnie]

Honestly...there are ways to tell she was a gold digger. (Was she obsessed with labels? Did she have a fit when you didn't pay for something, like coffee? Did you always ask about your salary, or things you own?) The OP is just assuming she left because of the money. So, instead of figuring out what really happened, he grabs at straws. There's no actual proof. She left because she chose to leave.

 

First of all...the OP needs to take a hard look at himself as to why he chose to go back and forth with her while she was with the other guy. And why he took her back the second time around?! "Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame of me."

 

Ultimately, you both didn't work out. Don't accuse of her running off because of money...you haven't officially dated eachother for over 7 months. And so what if she's driving his car. Hers may be in the shop or becoming a total clunker...would you want your girl driving around in a hunk of junk?

[tattoobunnie]

& I'm sorry to hear she hurt you. You may not be right for eachother. Plenty of fish in the sea!

[Aqua066]

Thanks for all of the feedback and honest opinions... This past couple of weeks has been rough for me to say the least. Yes I probably made the mistake of letting her back into my life after how she left me... but when she came back she sounded as genuine as when I first met her. She cried and anguished over what she had done and explained to me her reasoning for leaving... I guess hearing it seven months later is better than nothing.

 

Now, I do admit the fact that I have let things bother me that maybe shouldn't bother me such as her having this deep connection with this guy after me in such a short amount of time. I had to hear about him over the course of the last few weeks when we reconnected. It killed me. This is why they say its never a good idea to be friends with an ex especially if you still have feelings for them.

 

Also, this guy did play a big part in our breakup so many months ago. He was feeding her crap, how I wouldn't change and how she deserved better and that he could/would take care of her. She told me in our recent talks how hard he persued her while she was still on/off with me. Eventually she caved and chose him and not me (without telling me a word btw). She says she left me without saying anything because it hurt too much and that she might have second guessed her decision. I don't know what to say or think about that... I did tell her it was probably the best thing for me because I found myself again. I focused 100% on myself in those seven months, I got fit, more confident, started playing/creating music, etc. I was a better person for what I went through but I did say how she left did leave me with a hole that was very hard to fill (no closure from her). I told her I had to find that closure from within... which I did. It was her actions or I should say her NON ACTIONS were my closure.

 

That being said, her coming back to me after them breaking up was for her selfish reasons. She was hurting and alone. She needed someone to occupy her time and show her interest again. She wanted to see if she could still have me. Believe me the time we spent together - there was no doubt that we were leading to a reconciliation. We held hands, hugged, she talked to me about all of our good/fun times, she slept over my house, etc. She did all of this knowing that she would go right back to him if he came back... which she ended up doing. I had no idea she would do this. She told me that she wouldn't take him back and he wasn't right for her etc. She says they probably fought more then we ever did. I guess the guy is really cocky and also likes to look at other women a lot. This makes sense seeing the car the guy drives lol.

 

Now the fact that this guy has all of this money and she's driving his damn Porcshe... yea maybe I shouldn't let it bother me but it does. I wish it didn't... and god I wish I didn't still have to work with her. It's torture. I need to get it out of mind I guess. I need to just focus on me again like I did for those many months... maybe then I'll start to feel better. Remember this just happened where she left for him again... a little over a week ago.

 

The honest truth is even after all this girl has done to me I still love her. I know I can't be with her anymore. I know I could NEVER trust her. I know it would be the worst decision in the world having any type of relationship with her... I know this. I'm doing everything I can to move on. I blocked her number on my phone, I'm avoiding her like the plague. I park my car down the road instead of parking in our parking lot to avoid seeing her and his damn car. Maybe a few weeks from now I'll feel better but right now I don't. Its fresh and it hurts way too much. It hurts more now then it did seven months ago in many ways...

 

Thanks again for all the feedback. Please keep giving it to me...! It's the only time I feel that I am not alone that there are others out there going through the same types of pain as I am going through... and your feedback and opinions I honestly take to heart... and it helps me get through my long and dreadfully dark days.

 

Aqua

[symbiot]

Perhaps she is chasing him because he doesn't "NEED" her. He probably love his money more than he cares about her.

[Aqua066]

Symbiot - You could very well be right. I know she was hurting because he had left her I guess. She said.. Once he's done, he's done. .. Yea right! Whatever, I knew he'd be back. He came back begging too.

 

Also, I know she mentioned to me that she couldn't believe how much she respected me and how strong I was for not contacting her for almost the entire 7 months (about four months ago - we had a couple of emails exchanged which it was me who didn't respond to the last one). She said it made her start to think about me and wonder how I was. She also could see how good I looked and in shape I was in.. I guess you can say No Contact worked by having her come back to me. Unfortunately it was short lived and I ended up having my heart ripped out...

[symbiot]

Aqua, Your gaol should be to become the best version of yourself that you can be. PERIOD! If you can do that your life will be complete and amazing. You will come accross an amazing woman to complement you.

[thelastsong]

Aqua, if it's true that this girl left you because she wants to be with a rich guy, then I'm actually kind of excited for you because you're going to meet a girl someday who loves you exactly the way you are, and she will blow your mind. There's no where to go but up, so just keep on keepin' on and I know you'll heal from this terrible heartbreak.

[capilot]

Mr. Unknown2005 is right; you dodged a bullet. She's a gold-digger and frankly, you should have known better than to take her back the first time around.

[Mesemene]

You know what struck me the most about the situation? Not the money, or difference between you guys - the similarity in how disrespectfully she treated you both and the disregard for your feelings.

 

She's bouncing back and forth to whichever appeals the most at the time. So she's dealt with pretty much, well, nothing.

 

In the end, it's her who's going to be very lonely and bitter if she keeps looking to someone else to "make" her happy. As you well know from your position, if you don't love yourself, and care about yourself, nobody else can completely trust and love you either.

 

Even if it wasn't the money, you did dodge a major bullet - someone who would rather go for instant gratification and ego strokes of having someone else chase her to "get" her isn't someone who will ever be able to appreciate what they have in you.

[Aqua066]

Mesemene - I couldn't agree with you anymore. In our time reconnecting I told her that when she was with a guy she always ended up dropping her life (if she had one) and doing whatever the guy she was with was doing. She never had her own interests that she persued. She basically would be the moon that revolves around each guy she's with including me when we were together. She based so much of her happiness on what others think and feel about her and not within herself. She has sooo many self-confidence issues. She always has and was extremely jealous because of this.

 

I am feeling a little better today. I had my best work out in weeks last night. A good night sleep (meds help with that). I'm going to keep myself busy, I'm hitting the gym again tonight, probably going to hang out with a friend of mine tonight. I'm gonna try not moping around my apartment this weekend... Good thing I have a business trip next week so I won't have to see her for about 10 days after I get through today... I'm hoping I'm feeling 100% better when I get back to work.

[Mellie]

You don't need to be tormenting yourself the "does she love him?" "why does she love him?" "what's it all about" stuff. You need to cut that out.

 

Dodged a bullet is right. After the account you've given of how she treated you, she sounds like a piece of work.

[gr1mmlord]

Well, I relate to all of you. My ex left me a year ago, blamed my mom and called the cops on me the first time. So naturally I got all mad and went NC and she came back. Emails, texts, calls, sex, everything. Week later she met some other guy on a dating site who is supposedly rich, he works as a real estate agent, the emails of love to me continued and I didn't know. Found out when I spent 3,000 dollars to pay off a car loan and I texted her about it, then she called the cops to end it again. I never felt so stupid in my life taking her back like that. weve been engaged for 6 years, and when the free rent I was paying stopped, that's when things happened. And the fool me once, shame on you, fool me twice, shame on me. And that was words my ex used... and she ended up single and with a rich guy now. Last words she said to me on the phone a week ago, I love you, and its not over ok. well work this out and then hung up, never to be heard from again till the cops called me. All I can say is it sucks but what can you do? Makes it easier to move on.

[Anonymousone10]

mine did same she cheated said i wasnt worth financial convienience..also said i was getting old and fat..now she sleeps with much older,morbidly obese ,uglier rich man. shes very attractive and 12 years younger than him..she could pull in men 10 years younger but chose him for financial security..said she wanted to retire by 50..never once in our 4 years did she help with money despite her working and earning rental income complained constantly about my lack of money

she not mayerialistic but loves the lifestyle his money can afford..

 

all we can do is understand these horrible gold diggers exist and try to spot them early on.