Girlfriend and soo many problems. Is it worth sticking it out?

[sameoldproblem]

Hi

 

My girlfriend who I have been seeing for 3 months have serious issues!

 

Most of all, she cannot tell anyone about me. It is because she was in a 2 year relationship before and got together with me a few weeks after and although she is crazy about me, cannot tell people because she does not what them to think she went from one relationship to the another.

 

Her past relationship had run its course, they werent seeing much of each other. Instead of having guts and ending it, she just stayed in it because "he hadn't done anything wrong". We became friends and realised there was something, and lets face it, she left him for me.

 

Now come the problems..... I honestly thought she was ready to be in a relationship with me. I told her to take her time and sort herself out then be with me. After a few weeks she couldn't wait any longer. I thought, ok her relationship was done, maybe she is mentally ready, but I will take it slow and careful.

 

Fast forward 3 months to now. It's been fun, with got very close, no girl has ever made me so happy, yet none has made me so sad.There has been an argument every week due to her ex in some way.

 

Her are the problems:

 

1. She admitted that although she does not want to be with her ex, she is not over the relationship. (umm why are u with me then?).

 

2. she cannot tell anyone about me (she has told 1 friend actually) - but she definatley cannot tell her ex or any mutual friends etc. She said its too soon for him to know.

 

3. Her male best friend who she talks to every day and tells everything too, is good friends with her ex. I do not exist to this friend.

 

4. This same male friend, is too close for comfort, buys her presents all the time, takes her out to places with his group of friends - all single males (that also includes her ex who gets invited by him - which i dont know why any friend would invite your ex along) - i know their friendship is just that, and I have never seen anything otherwise. But it really borders on the innapropriate it terms of how much they contact each other. 24/7.... She claims he is just a really good friend. Now all this would become null and void if I existed and became friends with him. I think I might actually be good friends with him and respect him a he seems to look out for her. But the situation does not allow it.

 

5. She is still friends with her ex's high school friends. I.e His friends she met through him! In fact I had an argument with her today because she is going to watch her ex's friends band, and take pictures for them, all the while spend her time there with her ex and his group of friends.

 

She insists on trust and that I respect her friendship with her ex. That there is no attraction to him anymore. I understand the importance of history and friendship with the ex to some extent. I do trust her 100%. But, any feelings I may voice is met with instant anger. The thing is, she would never let me and her ex ever meet, so why does she continue to hang out with her ex's friends when there is this is an aspect I can never be a part of. She says I will be a part of it in time because they are her friends. But, I think thats all BS. I know if one of my friends was dumped, the only reason I would invite his ex is if I was trying to help them get back together. I would not be inviting his ex and her new bf out anywhere. She does not understand this logic one bit.

 

I have tried the role reversal thing. "Imagine if it was reversed, and I was hanging out with my ex, her female friends as well as my female best friend and all her single friends, and never mention to them that I was with you". She said she wouldn't care. Which I know is also BS!

 

I don't care about male best friends, ex boyfriends, etc. I am not a jealous person, but this situation obviously breeds jealousy. I am just a person that wants respect. I just care that I do not exist to these people. I understand that she must feel very embarrassed about everything. But she never meets me in the middle. It's her way or the highway.

 

She literally wants to walk away if I say anything about my feelings to the situation. Today, I said in the calmest, nicest of tones. "I feel uncomfortable that you are going to a party for your ex bf's high school friend". I continued "If these people knew, you were in a relationship with someone else, they probrably wouldn't be inviting you and most of all not me to this party, so why go?" Her response was that his friends became her friends, and I am being jealous. She also added that me being uncomfortable about these kind of situations is restrictive.

 

I am a calm character, I never yell, I don't get annoyed. I keep it calm, and I never tell her she is doing anything wrong nor do I tell her what to do. I just do what the proffessionals say to do, i.e. say this makes me feel sad.

 

She is a moody thing, and if I say I feel uncomfortable, or upset about a situation, she just threatens to end it. Sometimes she does end it for a day or two. She has ended it today.... but thats just what she does.

 

She has no communication skills at all. I found out that she and her ex never ever ever fought once. She does not like confrontation at all, her attitude in relationships is and she has said "If you have a problem, keep it to yourself because its your problem" Look how that turned out....

 

The question is should I be letting this girl back? She makes me happier than any girl I have ever been with, yet where is the respect.

[DN]

If she won't admit she is with you, she isn't really with you.

 

I think she doesn't want her ex to know about you so she can get back with him.

[justagirl09]

Don't waste your time...move on. 3 months is long enough.

[Capricorn3]

Sounds to me like you're a rebound. She was with the guy for 2 years and just a few weeks later she's with you. She's hardly had time to get over the EX. Rebounds very rarely work out (imo). I would say it would be wise to move on.

[RitaTrue]

She's not into you, and she's jerking you around. PS, if she's willing to just up and leave you when you share your feelings that's a red flag anyway. And so is her, not showing you around, so that her ex won't find you.

 

You deserve more. Dump her.

[SpottiOtti]

No, no, no, no, OP. Reread your post! I mean, come on. Seriously. Dump this chick.

[Mesemene]

Walk away, before you get any more attached than you are.

 

Since you're her "dirty little secret" it's going to be very hard for you to trust her 100%. You WANT to, but I'd have to wonder if she's willing to keep a relationship a secret after 3 months - what else is she willing to hide?

 

And she isn't willing to communicate?

her attitude in relationships is and she has said "If you have a problem, keep it to yourself because its your problem"

 

Umm, when you have an issue in a relationship that's about things like communication, it's never one person's issue.

 

You're not being treated fairly, and it doesn't sound like you have any room to really hope it'll improve. Sorry to be blunt, but staying with her is begging to get hurt badly.

[endy]

Run for the hills and don't look back. Seriously, been there done that, it's not going to work with what you said, and it's not healthy. She's using you and doesn't even know it.

[RitaTrue]

Run for the hills and don't look back. Seriously, been there done that, it's not going to work with what you said, and it's not healthy. She's using you and doesn't even know it.

 

Or she does know it and doesnt care.