wmped Posted September 29, 2011 Share Posted September 29, 2011 So here's the deal. In a nutshell I'm 25, single, never been in a serious relationship, and trying to be a good christian guy by staying a virgin until marriage. But, I seem to be either avoiding, or self sabotaging, every potential relationship. This isn't to say I haven't dated, in fact I came very close to having sex with one girl I dated for about a month (my longest relationship, way back in college now). I actually had to jump off her bed and leave when things got a little too hot -> Probably one of the most difficult things I've ever had to do. To make matters worse (or better?) I won't masturbate since I feel that its a sin. I'm going freaking nuts here! I have no means of sexual release, and the only way I can get it is through marriage which seems impossible given that I can't even bring myself to date let alone find a christian woman. Anybody have any suggestions or experience with this? I just can't take it anymore... Link to comment
Furtive Posted September 29, 2011 Share Posted September 29, 2011 Christian dating sites, church (maybe stepping outside of your denomination), and of course out and about, but I'd say the first two options for the Christian girls you're looking for. Even on plenty of fish I've come accross hundreds of beautiful, waiting on sex until married Christian girls. I know California is far more progressive, so I think here in the Midwest we have a lot more girls that fall under the same belief system as you if you'd consider a move, or talking online to girls from here (Minnesota, Wisconsin, Iowa, North and South Dakota - not to mention the bible belt). Obviously most girls in this day and age, even here, are not virgins at marriage, but compared to CA I'm sure we're a lot higher proportion in the upper Midwest. On a side note, you must have some amazing wet dreams...because our bodies have to release at some point, it's just nature. Hehe. Link to comment
Furtive Posted September 29, 2011 Share Posted September 29, 2011 Out of curiousness, why do you have to avoid dating to avoid sex? Couldn't you date and state up front that you're maintaining your virginity until marriage? If they don't respect that they're not your type anyways. Link to comment
wmped Posted September 29, 2011 Author Share Posted September 29, 2011 Ha, I just updated my profile. I've actually just moved from Cali to Virginia...no better here really. Plus not I have NO connections and end up spending the weekend at home like a rat in cage. Part of the problem steam from the fact that I work as a Park Ranger and we don't get true 'weekends.' My Saturday is Wed...so not much to really do activity-wise. Wet dreams...yeah wouldn't know...I can't even sleep some nights. Ever seen the Seinfeld episode "The Contest?" [url=" Link to comment
wmped Posted September 29, 2011 Author Share Posted September 29, 2011 Out of curiousness, why do you have to avoid dating to avoid sex? Couldn't you date and state up front that you're maintaining your virginity until marriage? If they don't respect that they're not your type anyways. I suppose you're right. But I don't trust people and their desires (I can't trust mine for instance) and I'm afraid that any serious relationship would lead to sex. Aka some night while drinking, or just overcome with passion for each other. I mean seriously, how can people do this? It's almost enough to make me question my faith. Link to comment
blueidealist24 Posted September 29, 2011 Share Posted September 29, 2011 I suppose you're right. But I don't trust people and their desires (I can't trust mine for instance) and I'm afraid that any serious relationship would lead to sex. Aka some night while drinking, or just overcome with passion for each other. I mean seriously, how can people do this? It's almost enough to make me question my faith. But you won't meet the person you'll marry unless you date.. If your faith is really that strong you'll be able to overcome your desires if sober.. and if you're worried about misjudging when you're drunk, don't drink. Link to comment
Realitynut Posted September 29, 2011 Share Posted September 29, 2011 Drinking IMO is more of a 'sin' than masterbation! Why do you think people got married so quickly back in the 50's. My mom was a virgin (I'm sure my dad wasn't) and they got married in a few months. Back in the 'old' days, they all got married within the year. In fact, I had some big fancy 'Catholic" book, and it suggested people not date for longer than 9 months. I was a kid when I read it, and can't remember the reasoning, but I'm sure, the truth was so you wouldn't get carried away! The first time I had sex, I dated the guy for a year, became engaged (both virgins 18) then had sex, a yr. later I dumped him, and went on to be engaged many more times (lol) and was finally married at 32!!! Glad I didn't wait!! So find a good christian girl with your values, date for a year (I always suggest a yr....people change) then get married in a simple church wedding. My twin brother got married at 20 to a 19 yr. old. She had been a virgin...no sexual intercourse. But they did everything else they could think of. Maybe you could do that...it's not masterbating....and it's not sexual intercourse.....but you're not ready to bite someones head off either... Link to comment
Firiel Posted September 29, 2011 Share Posted September 29, 2011 Your best bet is to find someone who shares your values and then support each other in your mutual decision to abstain. If you don't trust yourself to have good judgement when you drink, then don't drink around each other... only when you are out with friends or something. My husband and I waited until marriage, and while it was difficult at times (especially for him), we managed it. Link to comment
Mesemene Posted September 29, 2011 Share Posted September 29, 2011 I don't know how long you've lived in that part of Virginia - but a lot of the Hampton Roads area (Norfolk, VA Beach, Chesapeake, Hampton) is borderline Bible-belt values in a lot of the areas. It would be almost an hour drive - but there may be some christian community groups over that way that you could meet some people who better understand and relate to your values and morals. Link to comment
FathomFear Posted September 29, 2011 Share Posted September 29, 2011 I suppose you're right. But I don't trust people and their desires (I can't trust mine for instance) and I'm afraid that any serious relationship would lead to sex. Aka some night while drinking, or just overcome with passion for each other. I mean seriously, how can people do this? It's almost enough to make me question my faith. link removed -- interesting article I read today on this topic. Link to comment
wmped Posted September 29, 2011 Author Share Posted September 29, 2011 link removed -- interesting article I read today on this topic. Wow Fathom, that is...discouraging. "80 percent of unmarried evangelical young adults (18 to 29) said that they have had sex - slightly less than 88 percent of unmarried adults." Fantastic...so I'm looking for 20% and probably I'm compatible with like 0.2% of what is left....yeah...well...um...it's hopeless. I might as well become a monk. At least get a gnarly set of bathrobes and drink beer everyday. Link to comment
Capricorn3 Posted September 29, 2011 Share Posted September 29, 2011 Not dating = finding no life partner = no sex anyway. If you want sex, you'll eventually have to start dating to meet a woman to marry etc. Also, I don't believe if you maturbate or have sex before marriage that it makes you less Christian (imo). Link to comment
tiredofvampires Posted September 29, 2011 Share Posted September 29, 2011 You don't have to make virginity (in your partner) part of the criteria though (relating that to FF's article). You have a good chance of meeting someone who isn't a virgin but then re-dedicated herself to abstinence. So if you loosen the perameters a bit so you're just looking for someone who wants to wait from now on and with you, that'll give you a lot more candidates. I second the idea of Christian dating websites. I think you'll get the most serious matches there -- people who are really concerned about sticking to this niche. Link to comment
Furtive Posted September 29, 2011 Share Posted September 29, 2011 If you'd date women that don't share your rather unique religious/political combination, also try OKcupid. Do it right and fill out their questions on everything and it'll give you decent matches. Cool thing is you can choose how you'd want others to answer each question (and decide if a question like sex before marriage must be answered no, as it's fundamental to you - so you receive no matches that answer yes). Worth a shot. Link to comment
wmped Posted September 29, 2011 Author Share Posted September 29, 2011 You don't have to make virginity (in your partner) part of the criteria though (relating that to FF's article). I actually don't. I of all people can understand the difficulties that Christians face in this field. Wouldn't Christ? ...also try OKcupid. Ah, OkCupid. Yeah I've tried that. It even became a bit of an obsession for me I was working/living on an island where I could only make the mainland twice a week. Dating sites don't really lead to relationships though if the statistics are to be believed...plus that's a pretty lame "how your parents met" story for kids. Check out this interesting article on online dating removed[/i] Link to comment
Firiel Posted September 29, 2011 Share Posted September 29, 2011 I'm not looking to really get into a theological discussion, but that's just not how I view things. But conversely, I find most of those "bible belt" Baptist types to be way out there, and frankly very un-Christlike in their blind devotion to some pretty archaic views. I'm essentially a man caught between two worlds. On the one hand, I tend to find many non-Christians more sane when it comes to politics, lifestyles, etc than the churchy women that would essentially like me to become their sole bread winner while they play "Leave It To Beaver" or some nonsense at home. On the other I find many non-Chrisitians (obviously) to be lacking in their spiritual lives...talk about running in circles. Am I just nuts or what? I am a bit of a perfectionist... I totally understand your frustrations here... but just know that there are women like the ones you are looking for out there. I, for one, was dedicated to waiting until marriage, but I am definitely not the "Leave it to Beaver" type of girl. And I do have friends that are also dedicated to waiting and are the same way that I am. So they're out there... maybe just not so easy to find sometimes. Link to comment
wmped Posted September 29, 2011 Author Share Posted September 29, 2011 I totally understand your frustrations here... but just know that there are women like the ones you are looking for out there. I, for one, was dedicated to waiting until marriage, but I am definitely not the "Leave it to Beaver" type of girl. And I do have friends that are also dedicated to waiting and are the same way that I am. So they're out there... maybe just not so easy to find sometimes. That is pretty encouraging. Link to comment
tiredofvampires Posted September 29, 2011 Share Posted September 29, 2011 I actually don't. I of all people can understand the difficulties that Christians face in this field. Wouldn't Christ? That last sentence is probably rhetorical, but I'll just say I personally feel if you had a chance to ask personally, the answer would be, "Of course! And as long as your heart is sincere and you want to respect the women you love, for Dad's sake, stop putting yourself through this." Okay, gonna leave that there. But I think you should stick by what you believe in and I do know that there are women out there who are on the same page as you. I was just responding to you citing FF's article which states that "80% of Christians say they've had sex", and you saying you were looking for the 20% that hadn't/didn't...so I just wanted to make the point (since you seemed depressed with that statistic) that not having EVER had sex will be a lot harder to come by than a percentage that have tried it, but stopped. So you've probably got more than 20% of the Christian female population to work with, if you are looking for those who aren't still virginal but currently abstaining/devout. Link to comment
greywolf Posted September 30, 2011 Share Posted September 30, 2011 Mod note: Please keep this on the topic of advising the OP about dating and refrain from religious discussion. Link to comment
Realitynut Posted September 30, 2011 Share Posted September 30, 2011 Dating sites do work. My sis got married for first time at 48 (not a virgin) found her guy on eHarmony. My bro met his woman on eHarmony. A friend of mine just met a new woman last week on POF and pulled his profile off of POF and is crazy about her. She's gorgeous, and makes lots of money!!! I'm still working on it. My cuz was 40 and a virgin...not even kissed. Got set up on a date with a 41 yr. old woman who lived with her mom. BOTH are nice looking...just shy., they got married and have a beautiful, smart little girl. Who's to say you might fall in love with a girl who isn't a virgin....finding love with anyone is hard enough, but what are you going to do, ask everyone you meet if they are a virgin? If you like someone, and they are a good christian, that should be good enough, as long as they weren't promiscuious (sp?) and ask he if she would be willing to wait to have sex with you until you are married. My son dated his girl all the way through college. She wanted to wait until she was married. after 3 years I guess they 'did' it. then broke up. Link to comment
wmped Posted October 1, 2011 Author Share Posted October 1, 2011 Mod note: Please keep this on the topic of advising the OP about dating and refrain from religious discussion. Thank you! Link to comment
wmped Posted October 1, 2011 Author Share Posted October 1, 2011 Mod note: Please keep this on the topic of advising the OP about dating and refrain from religious discussion. Thank you! Link to comment
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