Is it possible to find another love? Will the next love be better?

[gluestick]

It's been 1 month of NC since my ex-bf broke up with me. Some days are good and some days are bad. Today I'm feeling kind of weak, so I'm looking for inspiration that it is possible to love someone again. I loved him with all my heart and soul and really believe he is the one. I feel as if I don't have any more love to give or I'll never find someone I love with as much intensity as I did with my ex.

 

For those who've come out the other side, how did you open your heart again? Did you find another love? How long did it take you (months/years)? Is it true what people say about the next love being stronger and better than the first? Is it even possible to love someone more than you loved your ex? Do you truly 100% move on only after you fall in love with someone else? Any advice would be much appreciated!

[shuttlefish]

Yes and yes

The next love is always better. Why? Because it is right now, in the present. The present is always better than the past regardless of what tricks our mind plays with us.

[Eocsor]

Sure, it's always possible to find love if you are open to it. It takes time to heal and be ready again but we all get there in our own time. I've had two relationships in my life that were significant and ended badly. They were both over 10 years long and I can honestly tell you that I'm a happy, well adjusted human being who really loves life.

 

It took me about two years to be ready to date after my divorce and it was two more years after that before I met someone I really hit it off with. That relationship lasted close to 14 years and I'm just in the process of dating again about 18 months after that ended.

 

You can't let life and loss get you down and make you jaded. Life is what you make it, you are responsible for your own happiness. And that means being happy with yourself first and foremost. You need to be OK being on your own before you can ever be truly happy with someone else. Best of luck. You'l get there.

[octour]

I can honestly say, that with each person I've met the love was stronger. I think you learn and grow and it is a process of becoming a stronger lover/mate with each person you are with. My last love, which I recently lost, meeting her was a complete surprise. It was a great 3.5 years with her but has recently ended and I am busted up all over. But I know I will meet someone else and it will probably happen when I least expect it. Just heal, stop feeling sorry for yourself and say 'hello' to people. It's easier for me to say than do at this point, but I know that's what I need to do. And so do you.

[Psychgirl24]

I know how you're feeling, it's tough. My ex and I broke up 8 months ago after 5 years and it took me a good 4 months of crying and just dealing with the pain of it. You may think he was the one now but in a couple months after the initial pain has worn off you will be able to see things more clearly. I recently started dating a great guy who seems much more compatible with me than my ex was. I can't say how long it will take you to get over your past relationship but I can promise that it will eventually happen and you will meet someone else. Your ex will one day just be a distant memory!

[SpleenPoetry]

^when you met that new special person, had you gotten over your ex completely at that time? Also, were you hoping you'd meet someone new sometime at that time or didn't you think about finding love again at all?

 

It's a nice story, glad it happened to you

[Kaytie]

After my 12 year relationship ended and she walked out (literally, one day after coming home from work...) I doubted I'd find someone again. However, a year later and after a lot of personal growth on my part, I found my current partner who is MUCH more compatible with me, more mature, etc. We've been together 8 months now and things are great. So yes, it can definitely happen.

[SpleenPoetry]

that's good to hear how nice for you that you found someone again!

[northpickle]

Hi gluestick

 

I'm just coming through a break-up now (and still very raw!) but it makes me think back to my first true love. The one that got away! We split up in 2003 - I had a long term (5 years) relationship after him but although we produced our most amazing daughter it was never the "real deal", there was love, but nothing like the person I'm trying to get over now.

 

What I guess I'm trying to say is that there is always love out there and you will find it again, no doubts about that The first true love still contacts me from time to time (he actually did that "I saw this music video and it reminded me of you" thing, bless him!) and we swap a quick email, but that's it. He lives in a different country now and I'm very much over him, and I wish him all the happiness in the world.

 

But yes, move on at your own pace, don't get too hung up on finding the next one. Find yourself x

[Kaytie]

The bolded part is KEY in healing. That year I took for myself did wonders. I didn't want to jump into anything too quickly because I didn't want to hurt/expose another woman to my pain that had nothing to do with her and I certainly didn't want to hurt myself further either. It's very important to focus on yourself and your own life right now.

[Jane00]

I loved him with all my heart and soul and really believe he is the one. I feel as if I don't have any more love to give or I'll never find someone I love with as much intensity as I did with my ex.

 

That is exactly how I'm feeling right now. I know it is definitely possible, but right now it feels like I will never feel that way again.

[beacon]

I don't feel like I can be with anyone else at the moment, but there has to be a reason for that, yes? I am trying with all of my might to embrace that feeling. At times it feels like I'm torturing myself and honestly, I may be, but I have to make myself be able to love someone better than I did. I will create a stable and independent person on whom I can rely because if I can't rely on myself, how can anyone else?

[gluestick]

It's important to love yourself first, before you can love others in a healthy manner. That's what my goal is for now, to focus on myself because frankly, I deserve all the love I can give myself. In the end, they were the ones who gave up and walked away. I read somewhere that it's the ones who want to work it out that are the ones you want to keep around.

[Leo78]

Have been going through dating sites. I'm fed up of missing my ex 24/7. The sooner I find someone else the better.

[Tmania]

At the beginning of this year I was a bit depressed because I thought I would never find anyone. The idea of being with somebody just seemed so out of reach for me at the time. Then out of the blue a relationship just fell into my lap. Unfortunately it didn't work out, and it's hard to imagine finding anyone else right now. But I just have to trust that it will happen. It happened before when I was not expecting it at all and it will happen again.

[SpleenPoetry]

any more succes stories? I love to read them. I guess I really need it tonight I just miss my ex so much at the moment and I feel like I will never love someone else as much as I loved him, I feel like I will never have such feelings for someone else.