Live-N-Learn Posted September 28, 2011 Share Posted September 28, 2011 I can honestly say if it was not for the amazing sex I had with my ex I would have been over her a long time ago! Yes, there are other things I liked about her as well, it wasn't just the sex. However, there were more negatives than positives and without the great sex I would have had a much easier time letting go. Anyone else feel this way? Why is sex so powerful in keeping us stuck in bad relationships or pining after someone who dumped us? How do you let go? I feel like even though I have accepted the relationship is over and have moved on in many ways, there is a part of me that can't seem to let go because I still want to sleep with her. Deep down I still have the hope we will and it is not serving me well. Link to comment
He2Him Posted September 28, 2011 Share Posted September 28, 2011 But is it? Or is it your persuasion of yourself that it is. It's a choice. You have the choice to assign any meaning you wish to any event that occurs in your life. I still linger on some parts of past about the girl I was with too. Sex as well. It was great, but hey, I just think there's gonna be someone like that again. And as for sex.. it's not like the girl has to be wild when you start.. When I first met her I was reserved, but she woke up the wild side in me. So if you wanna have wild sex, you gotta be wild yourself. The other person will come along a lot of times. But the truth is, she was wild, because her life is pile of crap. And to run away from the truth she did crazy things. I choose to do the crazy things because I like it. Link to comment
dolorosa Posted September 28, 2011 Share Posted September 28, 2011 I feel exactly the same. Sex with my ex was just perfect and probably what I miss the most ...but I will never consider having sex with him again, he is back to his wife and she cheated on him many times... Link to comment
GGGLV Posted September 28, 2011 Share Posted September 28, 2011 I am in the same boat my friend. My ex broke up with me about 6 weeks ago. Since then she has called me two times to have sex. It is incredible. She has been hanging out with another man lately, she doesnt find him sexually attractive, but it still hurts. She wants to continue to have sex with me here and there. I am leaning towards stopping this all together. It actually does more harm than good. Trust me. You will find a woman who will open up that sexual desire and greatness again. Youll see. Hang in there Link to comment
oldenoughtoknow Posted September 28, 2011 Share Posted September 28, 2011 There's all kinds of sex - good, bad and otherwise. But, how was your overall relationship dynamic? I'm guessing she broke up with you. Was she ever that into you? Did you feel like you were always the pursuer in the relationship? Were you always the one who loved her a little bit more? If so, then yeah, the sex can seem better than it really was. Each time you "got" her, it was a conquest. You chased. You did it right. You played it well. You won this time. The process of pursuit and reward can turn average sex into seemingly great sex, time after time after time, simply because of what's going on in your head - not necessarily because she was so carnally talented. Does that ring any bells? Link to comment
bichin Posted September 28, 2011 Share Posted September 28, 2011 Sex is so powerful to facilitate a bond between humans which in turn increases the chances of survival for the current and future generations. Think about it, if it were really no big deal then why would anyone ever commit to a life partner? Link to comment
livewithhope Posted September 28, 2011 Share Posted September 28, 2011 I am sorry, but my prediction is that you will sleep with her again. Link to comment
Eocsor Posted September 28, 2011 Share Posted September 28, 2011 Sex is and isn't that big a deal. You can have great sex, the physical aspect of it, with a lot of people. And it doesn't have to mean anything. It's when you are emotionally connected to someone that you care about, and are physically compatible with, that sex becomes something really fantastic and that forges a connection between you and your partner thats hard to let go of. The sad thing is that you can feel this way about it, but your partner might not. Hence their ability to leave it all behind so easily. Link to comment
Live-N-Learn Posted September 28, 2011 Author Share Posted September 28, 2011 TBH, I doubt I will ever have the type of sex I had with my ex again. We were both crazy in bed and complimented each other and brought out the craziness in each other. She is also very good looking. Additionally, she was 21 years younger than me. So the combination of the sex and her looks will most likely never be matched again. I also think that she was that crazy in bed because she is a mess emotionally. I was as well but not to the degree I feel she is. I have grown a lot since the breakup but still have a lot of growing to do even at 49 years old. I am hoping that one day I will be at the point that I will be able to love someone fully and that although I doubt the sex will have the same crazy chemistry my ex in I had it will be better. Yes, different but better. I don't think sex with the ex was healthy if you know what I mean. Seriously, how can two unhealthy people have healthy sex? Anyways, I hope to keep growing emotionally to the point that my values change and I am not moved by unhealthy relationships just because the sex was good. I want to to get to a point where I am actually disgusted by it and see it as a sickness. Link to comment
Live-N-Learn Posted September 28, 2011 Author Share Posted September 28, 2011 There's all kinds of sex - good, bad and otherwise. But, how was your overall relationship dynamic? I'm guessing she broke up with you. Was she ever that into you? Did you feel like you were always the pursuer in the relationship? Were you always the one who loved her a little bit more? If so, then yeah, the sex can seem better than it really was. Each time you "got" her, it was a conquest. You chased. You did it right. You played it well. You won this time. The process of pursuit and reward can turn average sex into seemingly great sex, time after time after time, simply because of what's going on in your head - not necessarily because she was so carnally talented. Does that ring any bells? Some of it does ring true. During the relationship there were times when I wondered if I even wanted to be with her but after she broke up with me the dynamics you mentioned def kicked in. We were FWB's for 11 months after the breakup. So I see what your are saying and it makes sense. So how do I get a new perspective like while we were dating? l I am sorry, but my prediction is that you will sleep with her again. I don't understand what your are trying to say. I mentioned that I wanted to sleep with her again so I don't get your point. It's when you are emotionally connected to someone that you care about, and are physically compatible with, that sex becomes something really fantastic and that forges a connection between you and your partner thats hard to let go of. The sad thing is that you can feel this way about it, but your partner might not. Hence their ability to leave it all behind so easily. We had a connection out of bed as well as in bed and that is what makes it hard. If there was not a connection I doubt the sex would have been as good as you mentioned. However, I believe the connection was much stronger on my side...hence why she could walk away. Link to comment
C_Unknown2005 Posted September 29, 2011 Share Posted September 29, 2011 Its a drug man.... Need to go to rehab Link to comment
LN1987 Posted September 29, 2011 Share Posted September 29, 2011 I am still stuck on the sex with my ex LnL. It was amazing, I am so physically attracted to him, I worry that no matter who I meet, I will never get the level of pleasure as I did from him... It is the biggest thing holding me back at the moment. Link to comment
DrKitten Posted September 29, 2011 Share Posted September 29, 2011 I also think that she was that crazy in bed because she is a mess emotionally. I was as well but not to the degree I feel she is. I don't believe these two are related, despite the jokes and stereotypes. Many emotionally stable people have very active and creative sex lives. Link to comment
Live-N-Learn Posted September 29, 2011 Author Share Posted September 29, 2011 I don't believe these two are related, despite the jokes and stereotypes. Many emotionally stable people have very active and creative sex lives. You might be right idk. I can only speak from personal experience Link to comment
Live-N-Learn Posted September 29, 2011 Author Share Posted September 29, 2011 I am still stuck on the sex with my ex LnL. It was amazing, I am so physically attracted to him, I worry that no matter who I meet, I will never get the level of pleasure as I did from him... It is the biggest thing holding me back at the moment. Yeah I get it but like it has been said...for it to be great there must also be an emotional connection. I can tell you that the way my ex has been acting as of late is a real turn off and without that connection I could care less about having sex with her. It would not be that great. Link to comment
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