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Is it good that she hasn't deleted me from facebook?


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If you've read some of my other posts, you will see why I'm scared to lose any sort of contact with my ex. I try my best not to get on facebook so I don't have to see her posts, even though she doesn't post that much. But her name starts with an "A" and she's always on top of the chat list on the right side lol.. Anyways, is it a good thing that she hasn't deleted me from fb? And does that show she doesn't want to forget me for the rest of her life? I really want to be friends with her one day if she comes around to it. I know she doesn't want to spite me or hurt me, so I know she wouldn't keep me as a friend just to make me mad when I look at all of her stuff. Any insight?

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Because she's a really good person and a good friend. I understand I risk hurting myself if I'm friends with her and she ends up getting really serious with someone, but I'm going to move on also. I don't want to lose all contact with her and I was just wondering if she feels the same way about me you know?

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I understand I risk hurting myself if I'm friends with her and she ends up getting really serious with someone, but I'm going to move on also.

 

You are trying to move in two opposing directions at the same time: Toward maintaining a friendship in the hopes of reconciliation, and toward moving on and healing.

 

Sure, there is a chance that she will realize she wants to get back together. But if that's going to happen, I guarantee that it would happen even if you were no longer Facebook friends. This depends solely on her thoughts and feelings at this point. The more you move on, the better this situation is for you.

 

But the kicker is that you will not move on if you are still lingering on her and the relationship. As much as you tell yourself you are moving on ... You're not. Not yet, anyway.

 

I guess your middle-ground option is to adjust your settings so that you will no longer see her posts. Also, stay off the "chat" function. A small sacrifice to save you a world of hurt.

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Because she's a really good person and a good friend. I understand I risk hurting myself if I'm friends with her and she ends up getting really serious with someone, but I'm going to move on also. I don't want to lose all contact with her and I was just wondering if she feels the same way about me you know?

 

No one knows how she's feeling. I'm in the same trapped mindset. I keep wondering if she misses me, if she thinks about coming back, if she likes the new guy more than she ever liked me. The answer is there's no way of knowing.

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If you've read some of my other posts, you will see why I'm scared to lose any sort of contact with my ex.

 

So you've got codependency of some sort. In my humble opinion, here's what you should do. Log onto facebook, delete her, log out. Go to link removed and search for ''how to stop being codependent''. Read it all, think about it, read some more and think some more and then think again. Realize what it is that bothers you exactly, where it comes from, how to get rid of it and when done, take action and get rid of it. If not able to figure it out on your own, pay a visit to psychologist or talk to a friend that studies psychology if you don't like that official feel of being a patient.

 

Start today so you can live much happier life tomorrow.

 

I know what you're hoping for and ToF described it quite well, but that's done completely in a different way. You first have to forget her, become a strong personality on your own, and after that when she sees you change so much, there is a chance she might go WOW and fall for you again. However as many people doing exactly this confirm and will tell you, once you build up strong personality and character, there's very high chance that the girl you used to long for will no longer appear attractive to you. You will want to have someone better, because where character raise, opinion of self-worth does too.

 

Somebody said it well ''When you look into the mirror and don't like what you see, there comes the need for addiction''

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You can't be friends with someone who you still have romantic feelings for. It's a recipe for disaster. If you are content being in constant pain and have the stomach to watch her move on with another guy, well, you're a stronger man than most here.

 

BUT, if you really want to heal, accept that it's over, and start doing the things you know you should do to move on and heal.

 

If you don't, you have no one to blame for your pain but yourself.

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You're reading a lot into a lack of action on her part. The only person who knows her reasons for not deleting you from FB is her. If you are really burning to know if it's some sign, ask her... easiest way to find an answer. If she just didn't realize you were still there, it may result in you being deleted... if she has a reason for keeping you there, she'll either be honest about it or she won't. Agonizing over it (and that's what you're doing by thinking about it enough to post the question) is holding you back from healing. Either let it go or confront the issue - one way or the other is closure.

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I'm a month past BU and what I did to move on and keep her as a friend on facebook (I didn't want to look angry or childish) is I waited her to post something up. Then, when you see the post in your feed, go on the upper right corner and you will be able to block her posts without deleting her. Moreover, make sure you do the same thing for her family and close friends, because this week I saw a picture from her sister with my ex hugging her new bf and that was hard to see. Now I can go on fb without fear!

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Lol, the name of my ex of two weeks ago starts with an A as well. So I can relate.

 

I did go through the same thoughts as well. Except I know the answer to why she didn't delete me. She told me herself that she would like to maintain some contact. But at this point she needs to put me on her 'limited profile' list. That blocks me from seeing what she is posting. Fine, fair enough I thought. And I think that is the answer you're looking for. Its the best, most likely answer apart from getting it straight from the horse's mouth.

 

(Sorry but I just had a chuckle... somehow imagining my ex being a horseface gave me a little bit of immature gratification.... Nah, she's quite pretty.)

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  • 4 years later...
No one knows how she's feeling. I'm in the same trapped mindset. I keep wondering if she misses me, if she thinks about coming back, if she likes the new guy more than she ever liked me. The answer is there's no way of knowing.

 

I keep wondering the same thing. I don't know what's so great about his fake-blonde girlfriend.

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