My self-improvement/NC journey

[Sozzi]

I've been lurking around the forum for a while, but have finally decided to post to document my self-improvement journey. Hopefully, in the future, I and others can learn what I've done correctly and what I could've done better.

 

I don't want to dwell on the history too much, so I will just sum it up quickly. I was in a 3-yr relationship, have been living with her for about 2 years, before it became long distance because of her job. Long distance is extremely difficult because it is literally on the other side of the world, with a 12-hour time difference, and we can't just see each other even during long weekends. The relationship broke down due to mostly, communication, in my opinion, how I overcommunicated and became clingy and she was backing away, having fun in the new country. Recently, she has decided early July that we needed to take a break, and give ourselves time to determine if this is worth it.

 

Throughout this period, the break has been horrible for me because I let her contact me, while I kept NIC, which of course doesn't work well. Therefore, we have finally decided to do full NC during the last week, except I have already broken it at least twice. I have beat myself up over it, because it appears to be a cycle I can't break, even though I know I need to keep to it for my sanity and to give her space, and to become a stronger person myself, and therefore, a stronger partner.

 

She's coming back some time in October, and we can finally have a face-to-face talk then, after 3 months of this weird limbo-ness. So I don't have much time to keep to this NC regiment, but I will have to try no matter what.

[Sozzi]

The past couple of days have been really difficult. I found out that she blocked me on chat because she says that she would want to talk to me when she sees me online, but later on, I realize that she actually removed my entire contact from her account (after some digging). Now why would anyone do that? It just makes me feel sick to the stomach and makes me want to reach out to my phone and call her to ask. But I know I can't, I've made enough mistakes with this NC thing.

 

The way I see it is, if that's truly her explanation, I should feel ok. It's just that the other day when we had our last conversation, and I told her I miss her, her answer was just "why." Gosh, my head hurts, over-analyzing every detail.

 

What do you guys think? I can't ask her right?

[happymeboy]

I think u should read ur own story again...specially the part where u write she blocked u...which part u didnt understand ?? Time to move on and get a better woman...

I fully understand that breaking up process but I wouldnt bother to get in touch with somebody who doesnt want to communicate with me for whatever reason...maybe she is just protecting herself or not wanting to hurt u any further...take a step back and keep breathing...again, time to move on for ur own sake. Best!