Shylight Posted September 28, 2011 Share Posted September 28, 2011 I suffer from Vulvodynia, (vaginal pain) and mentioned to BF that the only specialist in my area who can help me is male. I remember asking him when we first got together if he cared if I saw a male doctor or now, to which his reply was: I dont like the idea of another guy touching you, but if its nesscessary, I mean fine. I asked him again recently how he felt if I made an appointment with this male specialist his exact words were: "...honestly i dont like the idea, but i know u need to get help from whoever u can... i know its completely professional... but i still dont like the idea of another man touching your * * * * * in any way... just me being stupid and possesive though... i mean come on... i dont even like the idea of any other man in the world seeing it... but like i said... the logical part of me knows u need to find help wherever u can. i feel like its purely possesive... like i dont care who the guy is... no one gets to c and touch my girl but me... i know its only to help u... but still i would hate the guy deep down in the pit of my gut. ultimately though, i just want u to get better..." I am actually the dominant partner in the relationship, so this isnt a case of me needing permission. We have a great relationship. I just think his opinion is completely ridiculous!!! quite immature as well! Guys, how do you feel about your woman getting pap smears, vaginal check-ups, or OB-GYNs from male doctors? Is it something offending, or do you see it purely professional and am unbothered by it? Link to comment
annie24 Posted September 28, 2011 Share Posted September 28, 2011 well, at least he recognizes that he's being silly. as you point out, he's the expert and the only one in your local area, so you basically don't have a choice. And he's a professional. This is what he does for a living, this isn't like porn or excitement for him. It's more like a mechanic looking under the hood of the car. Link to comment
Ariel85 Posted September 28, 2011 Share Posted September 28, 2011 You have to be joking. And I wouldn't write this off as him being a little "possessive". When your partner reveals totally irrational thinking, pay attention... Link to comment
BellaDonna Posted September 28, 2011 Share Posted September 28, 2011 I just think his opinion is completely ridiculous That makes 2 of us. I'm not saying this to be silly. I am 100% serious: Maybe he watches too much porn??? I can't think of any other reason why a person would sexualize the world so much to that degree- to the point of thinking that a doctor's visit would be sexual in any manner. At the same time, you may have fed into it by asking him if he minded if you saw a male doctor. Link to comment
Incog Posted September 28, 2011 Share Posted September 28, 2011 I...can't say I've ever thought about it. would you mind a female doctor handling his junk? would I mind a female doctor handling MY junk?...hmm...men and women and truly different creatures lol... Link to comment
DN Posted September 28, 2011 Share Posted September 28, 2011 I totally understand his point of view. It's a well established fact that all male doctors who specialise in women's issue are perverts who only get to see a woman's private parts in this way. Just like all those weird female doctors who want to look at penises all day. Doctors are all weirdos. Medical students who fail to qualify all become window cleaners. Jeez!! Link to comment
Furtive Posted September 28, 2011 Share Posted September 28, 2011 I wouldn't care. It's completely irrational to care or get mad over. You'd have my trust and that extends to everything, including which doctors to see. Link to comment
Furtive Posted September 28, 2011 Share Posted September 28, 2011 I...can't say I've ever thought about it. would you mind a female doctor handling his junk? would I mind a female doctor handling MY junk?...hmm...men and women and truly different creatures lol... Last time I had a female for my physical it wasn't very romantic. In fact she told me to cough and it was over. Well, I mean for her it was over but now I think about her everyday and cannot wait for my next physical. /sarcasm Link to comment
OptomisticGirl Posted September 28, 2011 Share Posted September 28, 2011 ....... Seriously? So if you were in labor and the only doctor available was a man he would rather you held the baby in til a woman doctor could get there? Geez. Doesn't he know we women don't even like OTHeR women down there?? Link to comment
annie24 Posted September 28, 2011 Share Posted September 28, 2011 I agree with bella - i don't really see a reason/need to point out the gender of your doctor. Do you tell him who your dentist is as well? Link to comment
FathomFear Posted September 28, 2011 Share Posted September 28, 2011 Well, to this guy's credit it sounds like he knows the feelings are irrational. But he's admitting to you that he has them. Some people are able to overcome these feelings better than others. It's one thing to say "Man, I know I'm being stupid and irrational but I hate the idea of this guy seeing you naked..." and saying "I don't want him to see you naked". The former comment has a kind of self-awareness of the irrationality, the later is usually oblivious to it. But on the topic of vulvodynia, my best friend suffers from it quite a bit. Not much has helped her. She takes a few creams but sex with her husband is still quite painful. I hope your treatment goes well because her descriptions of the condition do not make it sound pleasant at all. Link to comment
annie24 Posted September 28, 2011 Share Posted September 28, 2011 I was reading recently in Self or some other magazine about a woman who used botox injections and that helped with the pain during sex. I guess it's a sort of new treatment. good luck! Link to comment
Incog Posted September 28, 2011 Share Posted September 28, 2011 i have a cough fetish so ...that sounds pretty hot tbh Link to comment
Shylight Posted September 28, 2011 Author Share Posted September 28, 2011 I was asking him out of curiosity, there was no other reason than for me to mention the specialist's gender than curiosity, mainly because he had mentioned his stupid thinking before. And he knows how my vulvodynia affects our sex life! Link to comment
annie24 Posted September 28, 2011 Share Posted September 28, 2011 well, the plus side is that he recognizes that it is stupid thinking, but people can't help how they feel deep down. It doesn't seem like he has a problem with you seeing a male doctor, so don't make it one. Link to comment
BellaDonna Posted September 28, 2011 Share Posted September 28, 2011 I was asking him out of curiosity, there was no other reason than for me to mention the specialist's gender than curiosity, mainly because he had mentioned his stupid thinking before. And he knows how my vulvodynia affects our sex life! It's even sillier for him to think a doctor's visit would be at all pleasant or sexual for you if you have that condition. Many people who have that have a more difficult time with doctor appointments, due to pain. Link to comment
Fudgie Posted September 28, 2011 Share Posted September 28, 2011 I think he's being really irrational about it. At least he has some self awareness but be careful here. I see it as a red flag. I've seen a MALE gyno and my boyfriend doesn't care if I go back to him. He was a good guy and knew what he was doing! Likewise, I don't care if my boyfriend saw a female doctor. It's by no means sexual or pleasurable. These people are professionals. Link to comment
Moontiger Posted September 28, 2011 Share Posted September 28, 2011 well, the plus side is that he recognizes that it is stupid thinking, but people can't help how they feel deep down. It doesn't seem like he has a problem with you seeing a male doctor, so don't make it one. I agree with this. I think you should give your guy some credit for being honest with you AND knowing his thinking is irrational. This is a good combination. Link to comment
SicFounder Posted September 28, 2011 Share Posted September 28, 2011 I dated a female doctor. There's a lot more worry that she would leave you for a male doctor in that situation, lol. I would never have a problem with my girlfriend seeing a male doctor, unless all of a sudden she has to go in 4-5 times a week for an ingrown toenail or something ridiculous like that. But I can understand where your boyfriend is coming from. Pretty much every male doctor I've ever seen is good looking and obviously makes some good coin and is very charismatic. None of them had good hand-writing.... Go figure. Link to comment
jaysmaury Posted September 28, 2011 Share Posted September 28, 2011 It sounds like he was very reasonable in explaining to you his uncomfortable feeling toward the situation and that he realizes it is about healthcare and nothing more. For you to get on here and tell everyone how ridiculous he is and how you are "the dominant partner" in the relationship... seems a bit rude and condescending toward him. Just being honest... Link to comment
kaibutsu Posted September 28, 2011 Share Posted September 28, 2011 Sounds like he opened up to you a lot about his feelings, which is good. Even better that he realizes that his concern is irrational. To answer the question though, a male doctor wouldn't bother me one iota. It's his job. Link to comment
LonelyPast Posted September 28, 2011 Share Posted September 28, 2011 Frankly, he's being a lot more rational about it than anybody here that's dismissing him for honestly admitting his feelings. (Which are not the same as his thoughts/beliefs I might add) Link to comment
Mesemene Posted September 28, 2011 Share Posted September 28, 2011 I don't see a problem with him admitting he has feelings that aren't completely rational - not as long as he's recognizing the fact and not trying to get you to not see the doc. Frankly, I'd think most doctors who specialize in any ob/gyn field probably see so much of womanly parts unless there's something abnormal there, it's just another body part to take care of with nothing to remember about it. Link to comment
tinkerbellkj Posted September 28, 2011 Share Posted September 28, 2011 The doctor who delivered my first baby was a female (I had been seeing her forever), however, for my second baby I have switched to a male doctor as he is much closer to where I live. I didn't ask how my husband felt, I just said I switched my doctor to the closer one. He said okay, and didn't ask if it was male or a female, he found out he was a male when he went to a prenatal appointment with me, and all he said was that he seemed like he was a nice guy. So to answer your question he is indifferent to it, all he cares about it is that myself and our child will be in good hands. Link to comment
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