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Men: How do you feel about your SO seeing a male doctor?


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I suffer from Vulvodynia, (vaginal pain) and mentioned to BF that the only specialist in my area who can help me is male. I remember asking him when we first got together if he cared if I saw a male doctor or now, to which his reply was: I dont like the idea of another guy touching you, but if its nesscessary, I mean fine.


I asked him again recently how he felt if I made an appointment with this male specialist his exact words were:


"...honestly i dont like the idea, but i know u need to get help from whoever u can... i know its completely professional... but i still dont like the idea of another man touching your * * * * * in any way... just me being stupid and possesive though... i mean come on... i dont even like the idea of any other man in the world seeing it... but like i said... the logical part of me knows u need to find help wherever u can. i feel like its purely possesive... like i dont care who the guy is... no one gets to c and touch my girl but me... i know its only to help u... but still i would hate the guy deep down in the pit of my gut. ultimately though, i just want u to get better..."


I am actually the dominant partner in the relationship, so this isnt a case of me needing permission. We have a great relationship. I just think his opinion is completely ridiculous!!! quite immature as well! Guys, how do you feel about your woman getting pap smears, vaginal check-ups, or OB-GYNs from male doctors? Is it something offending, or do you see it purely professional and am unbothered by it?

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well, at least he recognizes that he's being silly. as you point out, he's the expert and the only one in your local area, so you basically don't have a choice. And he's a professional. This is what he does for a living, this isn't like porn or excitement for him. It's more like a mechanic looking under the hood of the car.

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I just think his opinion is completely ridiculous


That makes 2 of us.


I'm not saying this to be silly. I am 100% serious: Maybe he watches too much porn??? I can't think of any other reason why a person would sexualize the world so much to that degree- to the point of thinking that a doctor's visit would be sexual in any manner.


At the same time, you may have fed into it by asking him if he minded if you saw a male doctor.

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I totally understand his point of view. It's a well established fact that all male doctors who specialise in women's issue are perverts who only get to see a woman's private parts in this way. Just like all those weird female doctors who want to look at penises all day. Doctors are all weirdos.


Medical students who fail to qualify all become window cleaners.



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I...can't say I've ever thought about it.


would you mind a female doctor handling his junk? would I mind a female doctor handling MY junk?...hmm...men and women and truly different creatures lol...


Last time I had a female for my physical it wasn't very romantic. In fact she told me to cough and it was over. Well, I mean for her it was over but now I think about her everyday and cannot wait for my next physical. /sarcasm

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Well, to this guy's credit it sounds like he knows the feelings are irrational. But he's admitting to you that he has them. Some people are able to overcome these feelings better than others. It's one thing to say "Man, I know I'm being stupid and irrational but I hate the idea of this guy seeing you naked..." and saying "I don't want him to see you naked". The former comment has a kind of self-awareness of the irrationality, the later is usually oblivious to it.


But on the topic of vulvodynia, my best friend suffers from it quite a bit. Not much has helped her. She takes a few creams but sex with her husband is still quite painful. I hope your treatment goes well because her descriptions of the condition do not make it sound pleasant at all.

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I was asking him out of curiosity, there was no other reason than for me to mention the specialist's gender than curiosity, mainly because he had mentioned his stupid thinking before. And he knows how my vulvodynia affects our sex life!


It's even sillier for him to think a doctor's visit would be at all pleasant or sexual for you if you have that condition. Many people who have that have a more difficult time with doctor appointments, due to pain.

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I think he's being really irrational about it. At least he has some self awareness but be careful here. I see it as a red flag.


I've seen a MALE gyno and my boyfriend doesn't care if I go back to him. He was a good guy and knew what he was doing! Likewise, I don't care if my boyfriend saw a female doctor.


It's by no means sexual or pleasurable. These people are professionals.

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well, the plus side is that he recognizes that it is stupid thinking, but people can't help how they feel deep down. It doesn't seem like he has a problem with you seeing a male doctor, so don't make it one.


I agree with this. I think you should give your guy some credit for being honest with you AND knowing his thinking is irrational. This is a good combination.

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I dated a female doctor. There's a lot more worry that she would leave you for a male doctor in that situation, lol.


I would never have a problem with my girlfriend seeing a male doctor, unless all of a sudden she has to go in 4-5 times a week for an ingrown toenail or something ridiculous like that.


But I can understand where your boyfriend is coming from. Pretty much every male doctor I've ever seen is good looking and obviously makes some good coin and is very charismatic. None of them had good hand-writing.... Go figure.

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It sounds like he was very reasonable in explaining to you his uncomfortable feeling toward the situation and that he realizes it is about healthcare and nothing more. For you to get on here and tell everyone how ridiculous he is and how you are "the dominant partner" in the relationship... seems a bit rude and condescending toward him. Just being honest...

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I don't see a problem with him admitting he has feelings that aren't completely rational - not as long as he's recognizing the fact and not trying to get you to not see the doc.


Frankly, I'd think most doctors who specialize in any ob/gyn field probably see so much of womanly parts unless there's something abnormal there, it's just another body part to take care of with nothing to remember about it.

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The doctor who delivered my first baby was a female (I had been seeing her forever), however, for my second baby I have switched to a male doctor as he is much closer to where I live. I didn't ask how my husband felt, I just said I switched my doctor to the closer one. He said okay, and didn't ask if it was male or a female, he found out he was a male when he went to a prenatal appointment with me, and all he said was that he seemed like he was a nice guy. So to answer your question he is indifferent to it, all he cares about it is that myself and our child will be in good hands.

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