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Second chance

fille espionne

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Hi everyone


I had been seeing someone for 6 months, he was a saviour to me when I met him. I had been alone for years, dating insignificant other after insignificant other and I'd lost all hope. I was hurt when 2 years ago a guy dumped me for another girl.


When I met "Sammy" he made me so happy and me feel so loved. He was kind, considerate and respectful and made me feel worthy and like a real girl, for quite possibly the first time ever. (I'm 27).


The past 6 months, having him in my life, I felt whole. As time went on he opened up that he had his own issues, had been hurt before by a girl he thought he was going to marry and was with 4 years, but she broke his heart and has a new lover. She still however, messages Sammy to say how much she misses the loving times they shared.


I got a new job and having him give me his attention and affection and to make me feel worthy, propelled me to heights I had previously not been capable of after being crushed in the past.


About a month ago, he told me, out of the blue that he couldn't stop thinking about his ex (she dumped him 2 years ago, and is still with someone else) and that he didn't feel ready to be in the relationship that we had. He was too unstable and wanted space.


I was understanding but didn't let go. After this conversation we ended up still seeing eachother and he said he felt closer to me after opening up. I wanted him to feel loved so I contacted him more and tried to make more plans- everything was going well and I felt like we had made a breakthrough the last time I saw him.


2 weeks ago we had an amazing weekend together and he was making plans for us the next weekend, and spoke and acted like everything was great. Two days later he calls to tell me he can't go on. He feels guilty after evertime we are together and I deserve more, I deserve someone who is totally in to me, he feels like something is missing between us and he doesn't know what it is- but he needs to be alone. He doesn't know if and when that will change.


He says we can meet up, yet he then changes his mind and says distance is best. Him ignoring me made me feel helpless so I bombarded him with texts and emails pouring my heart out and saying I was so confused by his change in behaviour.


He said he thinks I am a great girl with a good heart and that he never intended on hurting me, and the reason he was happy 2 days before dumping me is because he felt like it was good then. On reflection in the 2 days after, he started to feel unsure again.


Its like when I'm around him- hes fine, but when we are apart, he trys to keep us more apart.


He said he wants me to be a part of his life.


He said he feels terribly for hurting me and hopes I return to my happy cheery self soon but ATM he has to think of himself as selfish as it sounds and be alone.


I am feeling so lost without him, he really was a beautiful soul and I feel like something is stopping him get close to me. He won't even try, everytime we get close he backs away.


I just want him in my life, I want to hold him and hug him.


I feel there is no good reason for us ending, and I just want one more chance.


I feel like part of him knows he didn't fully give himself.


I just want him back, I don't know whether to ask for another chance again or leave it for a week or 2.


I sent him a message the night before last and said I was sorry for making him feel bad I just missed him and felt so helpless and I was sorry for sending him so many messages (he replies to most btw, even long crazy emotional ones!)


He said he feels guilty for not spending more time with me, he feels terrible and really bad that I am hurting, but he has to be selfish atm and he never intended for it to be like this. He hopes I feel normal soon.


Any advice? Should I give up? Has anyone been here before?


I miss him so much I just want to scream it to him!


I would die if I saw him with someone else

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THe problem is that you relied on him to make you feel whole, rather than becoming whole and meeting someone who is also whole. You feel now like you are missing a piece without him. It seems that you also were dating a man who wasn't over someone. It could be that he came on strong and fast and when things got serious, he got nervous. He is manipulating you when he makes it out to be that he felt good up until "2 days ago" and now feels unsure and then another day he changes.


I wouldn't chase after him. I wouldn't call him. I would honestly let him be. The more you chase, the more he'll run. You don't need him to feel whole.


YOu need to learn to love yourself.

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You are aware that you have to be happy with yourself first. You can't depend on anyone to make you happy.


& if you kept texting him, messaging him, or calling him your going to smoother him and push him away.


You wouldn't die. Life goes on. Calm down.


Sounds like you two drifted apart and you can't force him or make things be the way they used to be.


My suggestion? Quit talking to him. Focus on yourself.

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whats meant to be will be.. you can't force him or anything for that matter.


also, notice how many times u said "I" in your post. If u really care about him so much why don't you give him space to heal? The relationship was not all about you. He might end up realizing its silly to pine over a girl who can't be with him now (hmm what a concept) and come around.


ps- to the person who says he is manipulating her... how much more straight forward can a man be? He was honst about his feelings and replied to everyone of her texts and even apologized profusely. Whats wrong with not being ready for a relationship?

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Thanks for your ideas and suggestions.


It would be a shame if we didn't get to explore all that was left unexplored.


He really is a beautiful soul and partly I felt like we were good for eachother and we got eachother.


I don't want to force him to be with me, I just want him to be open that we could still be happy together, seeing as though we always were.


Life is short and I don't like to live with regrets and I just want to be sure that neither him or I live with regrets.


He has been honest but his behaviour was in total opposition to what he is saying now, so I'm just confused.


I will back off and hopefully he starts to miss me the way I'm missing him.


Thank you people for your thoughts, its always good to hear what others have to say, I feel like I'm clouded by just wanting to see and hug him and I don't want him to be lonely either

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If it clarifies thing also, he since being dumped has jumped from short term fling to short term fling with about 12 girls in the past two years, none of which have stuck, he admits to ending them all.... He says he doesn't know whats wrong with him, but I feel as though he is searching to replace his EX, even though she broke his heart.


I just want him to know that if he is happy. he should be happy he is happy, not search aimlessly for someone to replace someone.



I hope so kaibutsu, I will keep you posted Thank you!

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