The Disappearing Man

[JennyBankers]

I met this guy a couple years ago and we hung out a few times and he hinted at us going on a date but nothing came of it and he quit texting me one day after almost daily texting for two weeks. Background - I am 28 - he is 31.

 

Back in June, I ran into him again and we started chatting (he was 2 months out of a 1 year relationship that he ended). Anyway, to try and make a long story short he told me that back two years ago he was into partying and drinking a lot and wasn't looking for anything serious. He started texting me again (still had my phone number apparently) and we ended up going on 3 dates in about a 3-4 week period (kissed me on the first date). Everything was going great (or so I thought) - we texted every day. Most of the conversations were started by him as I always try to let the guy lead the relationship - he usually texted me in the morning with a sweet "Good morning beautiful", randomnly through the day while we were both at work, and then always at night to say sweet dreams. After our 3rd date that continued for a couple days after then all of a sudden the texts got a lot shorter and more friendly versus flirty and cute. After 3 days of the low text volume he sent me a message that told me he was going to be really busy at work with some changes he was implementing in his company. Then I never got another text from him until this past Sunday (2.5 months later).

 

He sent me a text saying that he was really sorry about the way he treated me and that he has made some positive changes in his life and has been focusing on himself and his son (Has 5 years old son with ex-wife). He told me that I didn't need to respond but he just had to tell me how sorry he was for what happened between us. I texted back telling him that I didn't like the way he handled it and wished he would have just been honest with me becuase I can handle someone not being into me. He texted back saying again how sorry he was for the way he handled it and he said "believe me I was into you" but that he had other "things that he was into" and lost track of what was important. He also said that he felt like he was hiding a part of himself when he was around me because he was scared that I would not like him anymore if I knew. I responded saying that I wished he would have trusted me enough to let me make that decision instead of making it for me because I liked him a whole lot.

 

Tyring to make a long story short - he kept texting me on Sunday asking how my day was and then started to get a little flirty with me and I responded with some flirtiness of my own. At 1130pm I finally told him I was headed to bed and he told me sweet dreams. I was kind of hopeful that maybe he wanted to start things up and was serious about it this time but at the same time I didn't want to read too much into it.

 

Yesterday he texted me saying he was at his sisters house watching monday night football and his phone was about to die but he wanted to say hi. I texted back saying I hope you had a good day - enjoy the game. Today I haven't heard from him at all yet and am wondering if I should text him.

 

Anyway, I guess my problem is that I REALLY like this guy and would love the chance to try things again with him BUT am I just reading too much into things or do you think he really likes me and wants to try dating again? My thought right now is to let him lead the anything between us because if he wants to date then he will ask me out. I am also worried that maybe he is waiting for a sign from me that I am willing to date again (but I think my flirty texts should have clued him in).

 

Uhg....I hate being like this over a guy and I don't want him to just be jerking me around (which my BFF keeps telling me he is doing).....help!

[annie24]

He's Mr. Flaky. I agree he is leading you on.

[Mesemene]

Sounds like he's not sure where he's at at this point in his life, and he's bouncing you back and forth while he's figuring it out - NOT fair to you. It' is misleading - because it doesn't sound like he's anywhere he can commit to anyone except himself - and when he has spare time, he remembers this girl he was attracted to, starts something, and then off he goes to do some more work on himself.

 

I know I'd have to wonder if he does this when he's in a relationship as well.

[CMS]

Sounds like he's not sure where he's at at this point in his life, and he's bouncing you back and forth while he's figuring it out - NOT fair to you. It' is misleading - because it doesn't sound like he's anywhere he can commit to anyone except himself - and when he has spare time, he remembers this girl he was attracted to, starts something, and then off he goes to do some more work on himself.

 

I know I'd have to wonder if he does this when he's in a relationship as well.

 

its either that or the guy is a master at manipulation (catch and release at its finest)

[WhenWillILove]

Wow, girl, this guy is so NOT into you. I know it hurts but if he was into you, this wouldn't be going around. I've had that happen to me. He's just not that into you. A guy that is wouldn't be doing this. Trust me.

[laura40]

Don't go into anything with him. He's disappeared on you once, what's to say he won't do it again.

 

He is definitely being flakey with you. Drop him.

[Rose30]

He has done the dissapearing act 2 times before, I think its easy for us to say don't get into another situation with him where he can disappear, but if you really like him, you will probably give him another chance, in that case the only advise i can give you is take it VERY SLOW, have your guard up and don't become emotionally attached to stop looking for other dating perspectives until he has proved himself to you. Ofcourse goes without saying let him lead and see what he does.

 

I had a guy like this for more than a year so I know where you're coming from, I really liked him, but he would come one day, disappear a week later, be gone for 2 weeks, come back, go back and forth etc... i broke it off many times but kept taking him back. Until one night he came over and we were intimate and he didn't even stay the night. That was the slap in the face i needed, its been around 6 months and he still texts once in a while telling me he misses me, but ive learned to push the button delete without every replying

 

keep us posted.

[Rosee]

Don't buy it, he's just seeing how much he can get away with imo.