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So he only wanted friendship?


laura40

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If you read the thread I posted last week about the guy I had a date with, well now I've had 3 dates with him. Everything seems to be going well, but...there is a huge but to this.

 

He actually told me today that he only wanted a friend....someone to talk to, cuddle with, hang out with ,make out with, have sex with etc. So basically a friend with benefits.

 

I wasn't expecting it at all, as he showed potential to want something more. He kept saying that although he just wants a companion, he doesn't want just sex.

 

He asked me if I was okay with this, so I said I didn't know, however I have an open mind and was glad he told me straight. Half of me is telling me to not go any further as I'm gonna end up liking him way more than he would like me. However, I am cool to have an open relationship.

 

Another thing I dunno how to react to is when he told me he was chatting to another girl on a dating website and wanted to meet her as well. I think it was just for sex but not too sure.

 

I really don't want to become his sex buddy and nothing else.

 

I know a lot of people are going to say "don't meet him, he's only after one thing" but he seemed so open and honest, I don't know what to think. He did assure me that he wouldn't drop off the radar if we did end up having sex and that he would always be honest and open with me. I appreciate this.

 

We're meeting tomorrow, geeez I don't know what the heck to do!

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He was honest and open.....about wanting a FWB. Not a relationship. Only you can answer if that is what you want. It is a huge BUT....

 

I like him. He's a nice guy and we get along great. I do have an open mind at the moment as I'm not too sure if I want anything serious at the moment. I'm just worried I'm going to like him more and more.. I'm glad he was honest about it all, which I appreciated.

 

He doesn't seem to push or rush me into anything, which is cool.

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You said you are not fine been only a FWB, that is your boundary and value, he stated his intention loud and clear, you should respect your own boundary and tell him this is not acceptable to you and walk out of the door and not look back.

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Laura you are already uncomfortable with him on dating sites, what makes you think this open relationship is going to work?

 

Hi, yes I think you might have hit the nail on the head there.

 

I do feel a little uncomfortable with him still chatting to women. However we aren't exclusive so I can't really stop him lol.

 

I am starting to like him, that's the problem. I want to see him more & more.. Urgh, wish dating was easy!!

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I'm a totally monogamous relationshippy guy but I once had a FWB. From the guy's perspective, I thought she was decently attractive physically but I wasn't so into her. It was a true FWB secnario.. I didn't care at all what she did when I wasn't there. It felt weird like "too good to be true".. every time I hung out with her she would be initiating.. It was neat and I should've taken more advantage of it lol.. But our feelings were mutual. I never once considered her for girlfriend potential, so in my opinion if you are "uncertain" or you want "more" then I don't think it's going to work. Just my 2 cents.

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in FWB scenario, it will only work when both wants it, but it always ends badly because 1 party will want more than the FWB relationship, and that party is you, you want him to commit and is sticking around to make him see the light, this will only end in your heartache.

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You're trying to talk yourself into this, when he has told you he wants something different than you want... and if you're the type of person who has feelings for people you have sex with, then don't even get started with this.

 

He's already told you up front he intends to see other people... it could be he finds you 'OK', but not someone he would take seriously as a GF for whatever reason. So you'll be his ride until he finds the girl he really wants to be with, then he'll be 'honest' and tell you he can't see you anymore because he's getting serious with someone else. Or even worse, he'll get serious with someone else, but keep you on the sly for sexual variety and attention on the side, so you'll become the 'other woman' without even knowing what is happening.

 

I wouldn't recommend it. Tell him that if he changes his mind and wants to date rather than just FWB, call you, otherwise don't waste your time and heart on him.

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But he doesn't want an open relationship -he wants a friendship with a sexual arrangement. And the friendship is secondary to the sex -you're not close friends to begin with. An open relationship is where two people decide to go on dates with the potential to be long term partners except that they are allowed to see other people. Or they casually date with potential to get serious in the future. That's not what he's suggesting.

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Hi guys, thanks for all your comments.

 

I have ended things with him. I called him and explained that I appreciated his honesty but I don't think I could be in an open rship/friends with benefits.

 

I think I was kidding myself earlier.

 

I am disappointed things didn't go the way I would have liked them to go, he was a great guy.

 

Thanks everyone once again, good advice.

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