Is she lying and why?

[dray5150]

So as a part of several previous odd events and weird excuses that oddly resembled lies, I find myself being sat down for a serious talk with my girlfriend. As a part of a previous agreement for her to be more open and forthcoming with things, she begins to describe a situation at work. Basically, coworker A passes by her cubicle to mention coworker B from the other department likes her. My girlfriend tells me she told coworker A that she is in a serious relationship and has no interest. My girlfriend mentions how things like that don't normally happen to her and she was surprised by it all. After the conversation, I tell her I am not really upset or anything it can happen to anyone and as long as it isn't some pervert or bothersome then it's fine. I of course mentioned concern of perhaps avoiding spending time with the coworker B and stuff that might be considered wrong. After the conversation, she was texting and I was curious if it related to the coworker B situation. She stated no, it was coworker/friend C. I asked if coworker/friend C knew about it, girlfriend stated no.

I later discovered that not only did the coworker/friend C know about it, but there was a love letter involved. It wasn't mentioned in the conversation with the girlfriend. So, I approached her with my question regarding a love letter and she told me it was in her purse. She stated she didn't want to throw it away at work and forgot she put it in her purse. Now, the love letter was written in Spanish and my girlfriend stated having her other coworker friend translate it for her. It was definitely a love letter of a decent nature I might add. So with two contradictions, an argument happened. I feel bad for getting so angry, but feel firmly my girlfriend was keeping a trophy of a love letter in her possession and lied to me about a couple things. I have a hard time believing the forgot about it story since it took a translator to read it and she sat me down to have a serious conversation about what happened. It seems awfully like the time she left for dinner with coworkers one night, it was called dinner during the week, but in facebook, it actually was a drinking get together at a casino. The excuse was did not realize my jokes in facebook about getting trashed or drunk that weekend, friends stripping down, dancing on tables etc meant she was going out drinking with them. It was supposedly only a dinner that turned into a drunken night by chance. Either way, I appreciate any readers and responses. I have my opinions and hope to be handling things well, but it would be nice to get feedback and maybe justify my concerns?

[Shaun23]

Well to answer your question "Is she lying" you answered your own question. She said friend C didn't know about Worker B, but she did. She already lied! That already has broken the trust, and once trust has been broken it is very difficult to regain that trust. Sounds like your girl is not playing open cards with you....

 

As for the letter in her purse, I think I would have felt the same way. If the letter meant nothing to her, she could have torn the letter up and threw it away at work.

 

My meaning is always, "If you have a suspition, then it probably is"........ Sit her down and tell her you are having doubts about her honesty.... If she gets defensive and angry, well then you have your answer!

 

Good luck!

[dray5150]

Thanks, I also had an interesting response from a girl coworker of mine which said that my girlfriend lied about her friend knowing about it because it's some type of protecting her friend. Something about not wanting to involve her friends in her problems? The same girl coworker told me she would have also kept the letter since it was a "I still got it" moment. But, she also agreed it was a lie and would not condone the behavior since it could be hurtful. If she was in the situation, she would have admitted it and said she was sorry about it, well so she says. She also mentions her personal hidden stash of previous boyfriends photos and love notes. WOW REALLY? Should I scour my house for a hidden shoe box of mementos? This brings up the question at which point are lies wrong? Is is ok for people you love to lie to you as long as it doen't involve certain things? All I know is I feel like there is a pattern here where I find a suspicion, talk about it with my girlfriend, she gives odd excuses and I guess I accept them, reluctantly. I believe this is the 5th or 6th thing this past year?

[dray5150]

Still hoping for more opinions, appreciate any feedback given. Conversation went well with my girlfriend. Other than hitting a "brick wall". So far, lying about her friend knowing about the coworkers interest in her, her answer is "I don't know why I said that". Keeping a note from the guy in her purse, she claims she did not intentionally hide it from me and forgot to tell me about it. She did actually bring up the situation to her boss and the guy is being reprimanded since he kept bugging coworker to talk to my girlfriend for him. Well, that is what I am told by my girlfriend. As far as telling me she was going out to dinner in jeans and nice shirt, then leaving several hours prior to the meet up time, dressing up, going to a casino and coming home trashed, she still claims she didn't know about it. Even if they talked about the drinking event and getting trashed, etc. the whole week prior on facebook. She also started facebook secretly about 1 1/2 year ago, kept closing screens when I would walk in room, and when I found out what it was she was doing, she felt real bad and promised to stop facebook. Then, a few months back, I discover evidence shes back in it. Her explanation was understandable, something about sharing some photos with a relative. But, it was also containing a months worth of posting with coworkers and other stuff. When approached she stated she meant to tell me about it. I feel like crap here since I believe this girl to be a good person and a good girlfriend, but things just don't add up. Are they white lies? Is she more willing to lie to me in hopes of preventing me from being upset about things? IT MAKES NO SENSE! I'm mostly hurt and upset about being lied to. Go figure. Currently feeling numb and finding no reasonable way to justify any of the excuses. Thanks again for any opinions, I'd really like an outside view.

[dray5150]

Current tally of feedback on issue is 6/6 she is lying about the note. Three are female, Three are male. Four of the six claim it is due to fear of hurting my feelings or similar reason. I wonder at which point is it plainly obvious. She still claims she forgot about it. How would you deal with this? I just keep restating, "sorry I don't believe you", over and over. I also told her that I am certain other lies were told in the past. What was that saying, fool me once shame on you, fool me twice shame on me?

[Shaun23]

Sorry Bud. I think this girl is taking you for a ride, and has no issues lying to your face. After reading your post about the Facebook acount, and hidding her screen etc, SUSPISIUOSE!!!If you need to share pics with family, email them if you can't trust yourself or promised not to use Facebook again. Having to keep the letter as a "I still have it" token is a sign to me that she looks for recognition or acceptance from other guys to feel "valid". When will keeping a letter in her purse to still feel "valid" not be enough anymore, and she will need other types of reassurance from guys that she "Still has it".I don't know, maybe I'm wrong and I do sound very negative about this all, but this girl sounds like she is playing your feelings like a fiddle, and there is nothing that Ticks me off more than unfaithful partners!!!Keep us updated, and good luck!

[dray5150]

Current status, 9/9 believe I am being lied to. 5 females, 4 males. Feel like crap of course and writing down my questions for the next attempt at resolving this problem with her.

[Lester]

It feels bad or weird but you still need proof?

The proof is how you feel.

You’re not married and there are lots of great girls out there.

 

So you ask why she is doing this…

She likes other men and is looking around.

 

Don’t force her to hurt you.