Why....

[purrbaby]

Why do I want him to be miserable and miss me? Why do I find myself wanting that? I don't know if that's how he feels, since we've been NC since we broke up about 6 weeks ago. I broke up with him. I've been doing good focusing on myself and trying to move past everything and forget about him (not easy after 3.5 years together). Soo why am I hoping he's miserable without me? Does anyone else feel like this? I don't feel like this all the time. But tonight, I do.

[incaangelique]

Sounds pretty normal. You are entering the anger stage. It happens. Six weeks of NC is excellent. Congratulations!

[solong123]

This sounds exactly like me, I broke up with him and have been in no contact for just as long. Realize all of the progress you have made and just worry about YOU. I know it sucks, but who really cares what he thinks. He clearly doesn't deserve you. If he wanted to talk to you, he could but he isn't. I have felt like that in the beginning, wanting him to be miserable. But really if i heard he was doing crappy would it even make me feel better when he isn't even contacting me? Try not to think about what he thinks or feels, just focus on your feelings. This is all normal so just continue to stay strong and you will get through it!

[symbiot]

I feel the same way. I was so good to her. I was movie man good or romantic book man good and she left me for another. I'm 7 mos out and I just want her to realize what she threw away. It pisses me off. I feel like I waited my whole life for this and it was all for nothing. But I guess I did learn a few things.

[Hollyj]

Why did you dump him?

[dabbledave]

This sounds exactly like me, I broke up with him ... He clearly doesn't deserve you. If he wanted to talk to you, he could but he isn't.

 

You guys are the dumpers. You dumped them because, as you say, they clearly didn't deserve you.

 

A break-up is more shocking to a dumpee than to a dumper. They probably are miserable after so short a time.

 

Most of the advice given on here is to dumpees, those that have been dumped.

 

The advice most often given to dumpees on this forum is to go NC; because if the dumper misses the dumpee and wants to reconcile, the dumper should make that intention clear.

 

Your exes have kept to NC, so they are clearly doing better than many of the dumpees looking for NC advice on this forum. As a dumpee myself, I respect that.

 

If you stick by your decision to end the relationship -- and there must have been good reason to end it -- then let it be. Heal yourself. Be happy being single again.

 

If you want to reconcile and take your ex back, then based on the advice to dumpees on this forum, YOU as the dumper should initiate that clear intention.

 

Don't be unfair to your ex and drop them insincere breadcrumbs, however!

 

Cheers,

 

DD

[ChocoBears]

No....I actually wish he's happy and wish that there's someone there to take care of him. It's been 6 weeks for me too. I don't want him to suffer. I care about him. Typing this is making me really sad. I hope that in my absence he moves on and has an easy transition. I'm sad that I won't be there for him anymore. I worry about him and I hope that he is ok. I love him but I don't think our relationship will work. I was very unhappy in it. I don't think he can meet my needs. He mistreated me at times, but that does not erase my loving feelings for him.

[jaysmaury]

After 6 weeks, no guy is sad about the breakup. Angry and pissed off maybe, but no longer sad. 6 weeks is well beyond the point when we start going out with buddies and hitting on every girl we come in contact with. They may be trashy, and they may be ugly... but it is part of our grieving process.

[dabbledave]

After 6 weeks, no guy is sad about the breakup. Angry and pissed off maybe, but no longer sad. 6 weeks is well beyond the point when we start going out with buddies and hitting on every girl we come in contact with. They may be trashy, and they may be ugly... but it is part of our grieving process.

 

Wrong! Don't tar all guys with the same broad brush.

 

Three months on and I'm still sad that my fiance and I couldn't work it out. I've accepted it and moved well beyond letting the BU control me emotionally. There are lots of exciting things going on in my life now for which I am grateful. However, I'm still sad it didn't work out because we had a beautiful thing going there for a while.

 

DD

[Benville]

Just echoing Daves last post. Making sweeping gender based generalizations is a load of tosh. If what you say works for you, fine, but we're not all like that.

[Liraele]

Misery loves company... we hate to suffer alone. I think it is part of human nature to wish for the person that is causing your pain (or lack of the person) to feel some sort of loss/pain/remorse, etc too.

 

That feeling will eventually pass and you'll move on to the other stages of the grieving process. The timing is different for everyone.

[LaKings55]

After 6 weeks, no guy is sad about the breakup. Angry and pissed off maybe, but no longer sad. 6 weeks is well beyond the point when we start going out with buddies and hitting on every girl we come in contact with. They may be trashy, and they may be ugly... but it is part of our grieving process.

 

You're hilarious. Way to perpetuate the "guys have no emotions" myth. This only happens depending on the circumstances. I've known other guys (and am guilty of this myself) that when a relationship ends, we don't really care. However, these same guys, and myself included, have been brought to our knees by other ones. It completely depends on the situation, the people involved, etc. My last "break-up" didn't just mean breaking up with a woman I loved (and I do not use that term loosely, I mean truly in love with) it meant walking away from her awesome family, mutual friends, the whole shabang. She wasn't just some stranger I met in a bar, hit it off with and dated for a while. I can honestly say I don't care anymore, but it took nearly 3 months of depression, followed by 2 months of anger before I no longer cared. Do you know how many times I wanted to drive by her house or break NC? Boy did I have to fight the stalker urges! And I never ever had the urge to do any of those things with any other ex before her. I never knew I was capable of obsessive thoughts, or "crazy" urges. It honestly felt like fighting an addiction to a drug. Trust me when I say, quitting smoking is a lot easier, which I stopped over a month ago (cold turkey) when I realized I no longer needed them as a coping mechanism. As a side note, I had been smoking about half-a pack for over a year. But, I held strong, blocked her #, e-mail, fb, etc, and moved on with my life.

[NoDice]

I don't wish anything horrible for her, but I do hope/wish she feels the same hurt as me, the longing, the loneliness, maybe even the hope to get back together at some point. Does it help me? Not really it just means I am giving her a thought, which keeps her embedded in me. For some reason this BU hurts more than when my fiance from a few years back "dear john'd" me and moved all her stuff out of our place and was never heard from again. So I guess how much you feel is needing to feel that the other party is feeling the same as a source of comfort. If that makes sense.

[purrbaby]

It's not that I necessarily want him to be unhappy and completely devastated. More or less, I hope he realizes what he lost and is regretful that he didn't TRY to save the relationship. He let it slip away. He knew the break up was coming. I wasn't happy in the relationship anymore and he was failing to give me the things the relationship and I needed. After a solid year of trying really hard to make things work and hoping he'd actually make the effort (after 3.5 years together, I was ready for more, at least to live together or in the very least, SEE each other more) but he never made that effort. I wish him well, I hope he is able to grow from this and become an adult, because he really wasn't much of one while we were together. Maybe he really didn't care enough about the relationship. And that's what is hard for me to deal with emotionally, I guess. Even though I was the "dumper" I still feel a sense of rejection and loss. I wanted the relationship to work. We had a deep connection. But that connection was fading because the relationship wasn't thriving or growing. It was stagnant. And I was wanting/needing it to blossom. I grew throughout the relationship. He didn't. Last night was just a rough night for me. Today, I'm back to healing and being me. I am fine being single, I need to be for a while. Thanks everyone.

[jaysmaury]

Hm... that's fair, I suppose. Personally, though, I will stick to my trashy rebound girls as the grieving process of choice.

[LaKings55]

Hm... that's fair, I suppose. Personally, though, I will stick to my trashy rebound girls as the grieving process of choice.

 

Hey, if that works for you, do your thing dude. Just as I've seen people of both genders actually try to handle their emotions, others (both genders mind you) basically go out and try to sleep with something living. Not judging, we all have our coping mechanisms. I never thought a break-up would hit me hard, and previous experience did nothing to prepare me for what happened.