what do you think about this? (even perhaps better to break up?)

[Fern]

I think you just want someone to tell you your jealousy and insecurity is okay and give you permission to act like an ass towards her. But then, what do I know? It's how it's coming accross on the internet...

[mixxturey]

Okay, thank for you all for your replies and I guess the dancing aspect has been covered enough at this point.

 

 

Having said that, if you were in my shoes would you break up?

[DN]

Having said that, if you were in my shoes would you break up?

No ..............

[mixxturey]

Thanks for the reply.

 

 

But I have to frank and admit when I hear "ballroom dancing" , I get a mental of image of lots of holding hands, touching, bodies pressed together like hugging and bear hugging. To think of my girlfriend in my mental image with guys does make me uncomfortable.

 

 

How accurate is my mental image though??

[DN]

Thanks for the reply.

 

 

But I have to frank and admit when I hear "ballroom dancing" , I get a mental of image of lots of holding hands, touching, bodies pressed together like hugging and bear hugging. To think of my girlfriend in my mental image with guys does make me uncomfortable.

 

 

How accurate is my mental image though??

Not very .......

[blackhawks1287]

Mix, you need to stop asking us for a decision on what you should and should not do.

 

We are not going to tell you to break up and we won't say don't break up.

 

You are looking for reasons to do so though and that is what I don't get. I said that in the very beginning.

 

You are looking for something bad, something to justify your thinking and the decision.

 

You say you would regret it, and you probably would. So just leave it alone and forget about what is happening. If you can't forget about your insecurities, then change them and try to involve yourself in other aspects of her life to a point where you and her are on an equal playing field and more secure with yourself, her, and your relationship.

 

Let this go though or your self-fulfilling prophecy might come quick and bite you right in the ass.

[mixxturey]

Not very .......

 

which part is accurate? Or do i not want to know?

[mixxturey]

I appreciate that and those are very good points.

[DN]

which part is accurate? Or do i not want to know? seem to belong to the school of thought that believes that dancing is the vertical expression of the horizontal intent and that is not necessarily true. Some people just enjoy dancing.

[mixxturey]

Any other thoughts? And, thanks for for everything thus and I know what people have told me and also how they have said I have to make up my own mind, but if you were in my shoes would you breakup?

[capuccino83]

Yes, I think that you should break up with her so that she can find a guy who is actually secure enough the relationship to not react "maybe we should break up" to everything without even having the decency to talk to her about it first. I'm in school now and my boyfriend is and I can only imagine how annoying it would be if every time I went out with a group of students (includes lots of single guys) whether to the library, for dinner or to a bar and my boyfriend was like.. is she interested in these guys?

[mixxturey]

Yes, I think that you should break up with her so that she can find a guy who is actually secure enough the relationship to not react "maybe we should break up" to everything without even having the decency to talk to her about it first. I'm in school now and my boyfriend is and I can only imagine how annoying it would be if every time I went out with a group of students (includes lots of single guys) whether to the library, for dinner or to a bar and my boyfriend was like.. is she interested in these guys?

 

Thanks for your response but I have to admit that a good part of my reaction is the mental image of what the dancing is like. And as I said, we are part of a student group so I have to admit it does kind of make me uncomfortable and even a bit embarrassed to see the other guys in the student group thinking that they have danced with her and almost like they are, and I hope you don't mind my putting it this way, passing her around.

 

 

Is that reaction, mental image accurate though?

[capuccino83]

I think a huge part of maturity and adulthood is learning to tell the difference between "mental images" and reality. Just because you might have a certain image of what dancing is like really has no impact on what dancing is like. Before jumping to conclusions - such as break up with my girlfriend - you can actually try to talk to some people what ballroom dancing is actually like. Yes, you do hold a guys hand and a guy might put his hand on your waist and you do rotate partners - I find absolutely nothing intimate about ballroom dancing. If for some reason you are really upset by this.. I'd have to think whether you have some bigger issues going on like jealousy or you are upset that your girlfriend is not spending time with you and so on.

 

Another thing I'd like to point out is that I don't know how long you've been dating, but in most relationship couples directly or indirectly establish what is acceptable or what is not acceptable. For example, I know that my boyfriend doesn't think its okay for me to go out to dinner with just another guy because it's a date like situation. Hence I wouldn't do that.. if you are bothered by things like this (and they are actually valid and not based on "mental images") you need to learn to communicate your boundaries to your girlfriend not all of a sudden contemplate breaking up with her because she's doing what you don't like (and probably not even knowing it).

 

Your problem is not whether your mental image is correct or not.. it's how you are handling your relationship based on your reactions. And its really, not that great of a reactin.

[mixxturey]

You don't see the holding hands, touching waist as intimate? Perhaps I am naive but doesn't that then negate the times I hold hands with her? If she is doing it with guys, how much meaning does it have when she does it with me??

[capuccino83]

No, I don't see how holding someone's hand when I'm dancing in a partner dance is intimate at all.

[mixxturey]

Update:

 

 

So thanks for all of the feedback, and I was just talking to a good female friend of mine (who is also close friends with my girl friend) and she really set my straight.

 

 

 

If you don't my using strong language I love her and im in the relationship.

 

 

 

 

Another aspect I thought was good though is that I was able to get some insecurities out here, face them and talk about to them to guys, and even I would say beat them. I thought it was really good I did this now.

 

 

So thanks to all of you again, it's been huge help.

[mixxturey]

Also, just to explain, all of the "issues" started when I thought about how a guy from my student group could come up to me, put his finger in my face and go, "haha!! I've danced with your girlfriend, brah!!"

 

 

I mean, what could I have possibly said to that?

[DN]

Also, just to explain, all of the "issues" started when I thought about how a guy from my student group could come up to me, put his finger in my face and go, "haha!! I've danced with your girlfriend, brah!!"

 

 

I mean, what could I have possibly said to that?

"good for you"

[mixxturey]

Okay,

 

so the dancing is non issue to me now but something happened tonight.

 

 

so we had one of our student group meetings tonight and everything was at the fine at the start,

 

 

my girlfriend had a long talk with one of her female friends and afterwards she was kinda testy around my guy friends and I. i asked her about it, if things were going well, and she said she didnt want to get into it.

 

 

any thoughts?

[annie24]

It seems like you and your gf are doing a lot of communicating through other people, and not really talking to each other directly. why is that?

[mixxturey]

Hi, one other thing just came up and i wanted to ask for thoughts and opinions on it. thanks.

 

 

So the other day my student group had a meeting and afterwards a big group went out to eat. (Just to be clear, groups often go out to eat after our student group meetings.)

 

 

There is this new guy in our group, a freshman so he is 12 years younger than my girlfriend, and he asked her if she was going out to eat and she said yes.

 

Now, is this something I should give a second thought to? (as I said earlier in the thread, she is very outgoing, talks to everybody, and has guy friends.)

 

So, again, is this something I should give a second thought to? I am just asking for what is best way to react/ look at it from people may have a lot more experience with these sorts of things.

 

 

 

Thanks very much

.

[Stay_home]

You don't trust your girlfriend.

[mixxturey]

Well, as I said, he did ask if she was going and she said yes.

 

 

So, along with other stuff I mentioned in my last post, is that something to give a second thought to?

 

 

any thoughts/ opinions on this??

 

 

Thanks

[mixxturey]

Any other thoughts? thanks.

[calichick007]

You don't trust your girlfriend.

 

This. You will ruin this with your insecurities and distrust, if you aren't careful. Nothing you posted so far reflects poorly on your gf or sounds like any reason not to trust her. You seem uncomfortable with the idea of other men talking to / interacting with her in general.