Do Women Make It Difficult For Men To Ask Them Out?

[WhenWillILove]

Well, my boyfriend and a bunch of other men I've talked to claim that women make it almost impossible for men to approach them. And...I have to agree on some points.

 

My boyfriend, for example, liked this girl at his gym (before me, people, relax!). She was giving him flirtatious looks, they would make small talk on the treadmill. On about the 5th time, he asked her out. She replied back with a, "I've got a boyfriend, sorry."

 

Who the hell does that?! In most situations, women should know if a man talks to them, it's for dating, not for lifelong friendship. Period.

 

Also, I've heard from men that it's the women who are above average in looks, i.e. cute, beautiful, sexy, etc., that make it more difficult.

 

I've also made it difficult for men to approach me but now, after hearing all these sad stories, I sympathize more.

 

Once, when walking down the street, a young man said to me, "You are one hot cutie!" I gave him a weird look, and walked past him. Then, he yelled, "Not trying to pick you up! Just sayin' it to be nice." I've had other scenarios of this sort...and I always reacted badly, though behind those rolling eyes, I was happy to have received a compliment.

 

So, women, I know not all of you make it hard, but a lot of us do.

 

Women, have you made it hard for men?

Men, what are your difficulties?

[In the Dark]

I think it is a universal thing when I say fear of rejection and initiation of conversation with someone who does not know you is a difficulty.

 

As for this woman your ex decided to ask out.

It sounds like she was just one of those women who just want guys to flirt with her and ask her out even if she is taken for an ego boost.

[Alezia]

Women are usually polite creatures. If they are talked to, they will respond and not simply ignore you because they have a boyfriend.

I think it would be a pretty petty world if people only talked to each other for mating purpouses. If a man who is taken approaches me, should I simply assume that he wants to cheat on his girlfriend? I must admit that perhaps the flirtatious look are out of line, but it's hard to judge on that.

 

I mean sure, he may have romantic intention, but that seems pretty negative.

 

If someone gives me a comment on the street, and it seems genuine - then I will say thanks. If it seems to be a bad pick-up line, then yes I will probably run away.

[DN]

When I was dating (many years ago but it seems still to be true) one of the main problems was girls who always went around in groups - it is very difficult to ask someone out inn front of her giggling friends (it isn't just teenagers who do this, by the way)

[Stay_home]

It's all in the head, but yes I think women at times do make it difficult for men to ask them out. Sometimes it's not always on purpose but it still happens. For example, women who have walls may purposely be difficult because of past experiences which can be understandable. But you'll never get to the future, living in the past.

[imsuperman]

I agree that a lot of the attractive ones do.

 

From personal experience, they're more likely to take everything as a slight, and they look for excuses to throw up road blocks for you. You didn't talk to them within three seconds of seeing them? You must not be attracted to them, so they'll make you watch them initiate with other men, but they will still steadfastly refuse to start a conversation with you still.

 

Ask them out? 9 out of 10 women that I consider attractive have a boyfriend. I'm not making that up or exaggerating. And yes, especially the flirty ones. One girl I work with (we work in different areas) is probably the most flirty girl I've ever seen, towards me only, not the other guys. She does all the body language stuff (head to toe to head glances smiling a lot) when she's around me but she has a boyfriend. She'll even ask me what I'm doing that night. The pisser is that her boyfriend even looks like a lame, soft version of me. (Same body type, but his arms lean more towards spaghetti, not that I'm super-strong, and he looks more like a "nice guy.")

 

It's enough to make you crazy. Luckily I'm not all that worried about it these days.

[breath.o.fresh.air]

WMy boyfriend, for example, liked this girl at his gym (before me, people, relax!). She was giving him flirtatious looks, they would make small talk on the treadmill. On about the 5th time, he asked her out. She replied back with a, "I've got a boyfriend, sorry."

 

Who the hell does that?! In most situations, women should know if a man talks to them, it's for dating, not for lifelong friendship. Period.

 

Hate to be the devil's advocate, but it seems kind of harsh to assume that every guy that talks to you in most situations is looking to date or a relationship. If I'm at a gym, I'll talk to the people that are there all the time - it would feel weird not to. I'm at the same place as them at the same time, and obviously there is some common interest - why not go with friendship? For all I know the guy has a gf/wife, etc. anyways. I'm naturally outgoing, and don't realize most of the time that it often comes accross as flirty - because I'm very approachable. I had no idea that I could even give off that vibe, except that my guy friends have pointed it out on occasion when I'm confused about awkward situations I've gotten into with new people. That being said, I'm the same with EVERYONE, so sometimes new people misconstrue it, but it doesn't take long in a group situation for them to realize that it's just the way I am. Flirty looks can easily be misunderstood - maybe he was reading into her actions too when she was just trying to be friendly?

 

I generally make it easy for guys to ask me out when I'm single (and I've been told as much by those who have asked me out!), but that being said, I'm also upfront about where I'm at - if I don't particularly want to date, I generally invite to more group outings, etc and won't spend much (if any!) time alone with them. I make it clear that friendships cool, but more is not. Most of my friends are guys too, so even when I meet them, it's usually pretty clear that I'm comfortable in that situation. I've been known to go out to a club with a group of 6-8 people where I'm the only girl. LOL. I've been told by some guys that have approached me in these situations that it actually makes them more comfortable talking to me because they know that I'm not automatically assessing for dating potential so they're more comfortable just striking up conversation.

 

Guys, what are your thoughts on women with many male friends? Is this easier or harder to approach than those surrounded by women? Just wondering.

[Batya33]

I wouldn't want to date a stranger who cat-called me on the street. I think I was very approachable and good at flirting during the 24 years, on and off, that I dated. I completely disagree that men and women don't approach each other for friendship - not in my experience. I've always had close male platonic friends most of whom I never dated and we met through school, work, and common interests/activities. I think your post reflect too narrow minded a view and perspective.

[WhenWillILove]

I wouldn't want to date a stranger who cat-called me on the street. I think I was very approachable and good at flirting during the 24 years, on and off, that I dated. I completely disagree that men and women don't approach each other for friendship - not in my experience. I've always had close male platonic friends most of whom I never dated and we met through school, work, and common interests/activities. I think your post reflect too narrow minded a view and perspective.

 

Maybe it's a cultural thing?

[Batya33]

Maybe it's a cultural thing?

 

In my experience it is simply the values and standards of the particular woman. I know I was looking for someone who wouldn't find it appropriate to cat-call a woman he didn't know, much less expect her to respond by wanting to date him!

[thebluest]

I wouldn't want to date a stranger who cat-called me on the street. I think I was very approachable and good at flirting during the 24 years, on and off, that I dated. I completely disagree that men and women don't approach each other for friendship - not in my experience. I've always had close male platonic friends most of whom I never dated and we met through school, work, and common interests/activities. I think your post reflect too narrow minded a view and perspective.

 

On the weekend I was dressed up nicely for a date and walking accross the street by myself a guy screams out the window 'you're beautiful!' and his friend in the passenger seat goes 'oh dude, don't do that!' and he says 'why not? she is!' Hahah sometimes I do want to randomly blurt out to a guy 'hey you're gorgeous!' if only that was socially acceptable!

 

I sometimes get told I look too intelligent, am too well-dressed, smile and laugh a lot, or look too sophisticated and these sum up to me looking intimidating. In fact, at heart I'm probably the most approachable person and would if someone struck up a conversation with me I would be thrilled and curious to talk more to them. I've never been randomly approached by someone I'm not connected to in some way, so I do sometimes wonder how to project this approachability better.

[FathomFear]

Maybe it's a cultural thing?

 

What sort of culture are you from where people tend not to talk to each other unless they want sex?

[Generation]

Some women are impossible to talk to. I think most women think that all men who try and talk to them and are friendly are trying to hook up. NO! That is absolutely NOT the true. I hate to say it (no, it must be said), but legitimately maybe 30% of men want to hook up, the other 70% are either taken, gay, uninterested in hooking up, so don't flatter yourself at every guy who approaches you or says something. The problem is that most women would collectively include those men into the group of men that just wanna hook up and it really makes the rest of us look bad because that wasn't our intention. That being said, it's hard to be friends with women, let alone ask one out.

 

Some women might ask me "why talk to these women?" in which I would reply why not if we share similar interests or if we're gonna be in proximity for a while due to school or work or something, we might as well get to know each other better. Maybe study together, get our work done together? It's efficient too.

 

 

Here's something interesting I've noticed which makes it impossible for me to hold down a female friend. Whenever I do get really friendly with a girl and nothing but friends cause I'm not particularly flirty or anything either, they act all weird when they find out I have a girlfriend. I get the feeling that I might have led them on, but I wasn't trying to. If anything, I was trying NOT to because I would never do something like if I'm in a relationship.

 

..So when I'm a single guy, I can't get a female friend, and when I'm taken, the female friends I made act as if I let them down when they find out I'm taken.

[Generation]

 

Guys, what are your thoughts on women with many male friends? Is this easier or harder to approach than those surrounded by women? Just wondering.

 

Yes. A woman with many male friends makes it sooo much easier to approach. My theory? Because most of her male friends probably think of her as "one of the guys" it's just so much easier to relate to her and talk to her. It doesn't necessarily have to be a "guy topic" like hunting or sports, but she's more open to a friendship with the opposite gender. She's also probably more aware of the male perspective on things seeing as how she's more exposed to guys, like how not all guys are looking to date. Also, guys aren't as judgmental as women I find. It's like entering a friendly and familiar territory. Most guys can relate with each other on some level.

 

At the same time though, a woman with many male friends would make a guy wonder if one of them is her boyfriend and if all those other guys are her boyfriend's friends. But regardless of that, it's certainly easier to approach a woman like that even to be just a friend.

 

A woman surrounded by many women kinda makes us men think that those women would be in competition with each other if a man approached one but not another. We wouldn't want to insult any of the other women either just because we approached her friend. Also, we'll probably feel as if we'll be judged by the eyes of God cause we have this presumption that most women are judgmental.

- - Now let's take a look at the opposite - -

If a woman approached a man surrounded by many men, those men wouldn't be in competition, we'd all advocate 'fair game'. It would be extremely flattering and rather than any of the men taking it as an insult, they'd all praise the person who was approached and toast him the whole night.