Am I silly?

[Rita27]

So, Im 18 years old and so Is my Bestfriend,Elaine. SO Elaine and I have been Best Friends for nearly 3 years now.

However I still find our friendship the most fustrating, Mind troubling , Hurtful Friendship I have ever been in. Usuallly friendships are in place for support, Love and company but for the past two years nearly three I cannot say there has been one day where there has not been one argument. Yet I still see potential in our friendship and I dont want it to end. Ill give you a breif insight into our relationship.

 

I am liked by many, I have always been kind and polite to pleople around me and always have had time for anybody who has personal struggles of their own. I have moved countries at the age of 15 to Melbourne. Elaine and I became friends under the most bizarre circumstances as she had massive struggels with her bestfriend at the time, I automatically stepped in to help a friend in her time of need. not knowing what I was getting myself into at the time. I had been landed with troubled goods and I launched myself into a destructive path of emotion. I have discoverd the hard way that Elaine was a jelous, competitive person that wanted me all to herself I slowly began to realise why she had soo many problems in her last friendship. She does have many qualities about her which I do love but funnily enough I never see the good parts to her only the bad. Elaine is very closed, very stubborn and not willing to compromise under any circumstances. she loves to manipulate me and keep me close to her chest. she loves my attention and she is very cunning at times and almost does things it seems in spite of me. I have only ever stuck up for myself really once, I told her I was not interested in being friends with her early on in the friendship because she was being an idiot, I should have backed away when i first noticed the warning signs however my empathy had the better of me and I ran straight back.

 

ALot of the time we sound like we have marital problems and really we are just friends it just seems that we fight over being with otheres, attitudes about eachother and so on. not usual friendship problems I can tell you that much and everyday there seems to be something that happends. I donot blame Elaine for anything, understand that we share equal responsibility for the way our friendship has turned out, however I am the half that always wants to fix the problems, she just wants to keep going it seems.

I believe she hasnt been taught by her parents how to resolve conflict pproperly with people. HEr mother is very dominant in there household and her mother has always had soemthing to say about me which adds extra pressure on my shoulders knowing that she was always putting ideas into Elaines mind that I was insecure, and Jelous and Controlling. HEr mother took me wanting to ask Elaine to sort out

our problems bacause she would never want to and demand that we can move past our problems as being controlling, Jelous because I would get upset when she would hang out with a friend who had screwed her over numerous amount of times I was only being protective, And insecure for all sorts of things. Her mother even convinced Elaine I had feelings for her So my bestfriend thinks I have the hots for her! How awkward!! ha ha ! So all of these things have just ended in me believing that I was jelous Controlling and insecure, until the other day I actually had to get real with myself and realise where these thoughs were coming from. These Ideas of hers were made up she cant read my mind and half the time I get so tired of defending myself I just take the * * * * that comes my way. SO i find it hard when Elaine knows nothing really about maintaining a healthly frienship because she doesnt know any different, when all i want is the old her to come back and lets have fun

 

Half the problem is we go to school together which has meant ending our friensdship which does cross my mind mostly everyday, becomes complicated and nasty. I do love her though, we have been through alot together. Some people have relations with boyfriends at a young age like this but mine is this friendship and I neeeeeeeed Help.

 

it seems silly that I would even consider being friends with this girl after all the * * * * i have had to put up with ,but its easier said to leave then done. I care for her as I would anyone it just seems im more inclined to run back to us because its where im comfortable. I spose what I would like to know how can I MAnage this friendship, properly? what is it that I can do to gain respect from the friendship, how can I try to not be so dominaring and more understanding so she is comfortable enough to be open with me, because she is really closed, even though I have known her for a while, we have only ever had a deep and meaningful once. I want to be happy with this friendship, I want to feel supproted and loved by my bestfriend. I want a equal ground anda happier life. Please give me any helpful advice that you have to offer What Can I do to make the mind games stop, Thanks

[meoww]

you've been comparing this friendship to a relationship, in that light, I'd say either have a real heart to heart with her where you finally air out your grievances for good, and start over, or let the friendship go. Friendships like this one can be really destabilizing and really hold you back in life. I really think it's better if you just have real friends that would never treat you like this.