I'm not sure if I should hate my boyfriend!

[blackhawks1287]

Ok..Last post before I head off to bed....I thank God that the woman that I love didn't take the advice that you are all offering up without knowing the whole story....Take care and nighty...

 

Again...you are being too subjective...

[DN]

The relapse rate for addicts who have successfully graduated from three to six months residential treatment programs is 90% (ninety per cent).

 

Having graduated, addicts need to be on an ongoing relapse prevention program drawn up by a counselor and the addict together which has specific goals, plans for achieving those goals, recognition of triggers that are likely to cause a relapse and how to deal with them or avoid them altogether.

 

Oh, and speaking as a moderator for a moment: please treat each other with respect and stop the personal attacks which help no one. Otherwise, infractions will be issued.

[Mesemene]

He's been to rehab several times in life - even in the past few months. So I don't know - maybe he really is doing better and we have a shot again. I want to believe him but I'm so afraid of getting hurt again. Even though I know he loves me very deeply...

 

So I'll be the one to ask - what kind of addiction is he dealing with, how long has his rehab been, and is he in any support groups or in a treatment plan to stay sober now that he's not in rehab?

 

If no to the last one - would he consider joining one WITH you, like Narcotics Anonymous? link removed Something that would include you might give him more incentive - but it HAS to be something he desperately wants to stick with any program.

[macbook]

thanks for all your feedback guys...i've never had so many strangers care about my wellbeing (aw...bit touched)

 

okay. he's dealing with a crack addiction, which I know, is pretty scary stuff. we relate on everything in life with the exception of drugs, of course. i have no clue what it's like to crave drugs. it just seems like an abyss. and i feel the only thing that would get anyone out would be a kind of light that they eventually are attracted to enough to escape the abyss. I'm not saying I think I could be that light for him - but I know he is a light to me in so many ways, even with the darkness of his addiction. his love is my drug. (which sometimes makes me think i need rehab from him)

 

So maybe Mesamene your idea on us going to rehab together is not a bad idea.

 

Ambigram, I really appreciate your perspective. ESPECIALLY because you are a recovered addict and you seem to recognize my passion. I wish I was as rational as most of the people who are giving me advice on this site...if I was then I probably wouldn't be in this situation to begin with...but I'm a lot more like you describe lol

 

I think I'll be very cautious...........but of course, as you guessed it....

[Fudgie]

No one, let me repeat, no one can "entice" an addict to stop being addicted. It doesn't work that way. I'm sorry but you sound really naive when it comes to drug addictions and I'm afraid you're going to get hurt. People who try to get clean for someone else ALWAYS relapse. The only way he'll ever get clean is for himself. You can never be that "light" for him, no one can. That desire to get clean and the willingness to see it through MUST come from within.

 

Besides, if anything, I fear that your staying with him may enable him further because it sounds like you're going to stay with him regardless if he uses or not. It sounds like you're so into him, you're fine with just standing by while he goes on crack binges and then comes back, sobers up for a little bit, and then relapses. At least he'll always have you to fall back on, right? Why even bother getting sober when he has a girlfriend who will take care of him, sober or high?

 

You're really looking to get burned here. Just being honest.

[DN]

People who try to get clean for someone else ALWAYS relapse.

Although your basic premise is sound this statement is not entirely accurate and it is why family interventions are a highly effective tool at getting people into treatment. The concept of hitting rock bottom before treatment can be effective also applies to the loss or potential loss of a relationship.

 

Additionally, family members are often an effective part of a treatment program.

[truegrit]

I was married for 6 years to a heroin addict.........so coming from experience all I can say is your in for a very rough road if you decide to stay with him. Let me repeat verrrrrrrrrry rough!

[Fudgie]

Although your basic premise is sound this statement is not entirely accurate and it is why family interventions are a highly effective tool at getting people into treatment. The concept of hitting rock bottom before treatment can be effective also applies to the loss or potential loss of a relationship.

 

I agree - family interventions work for sure.

 

However, from what I've seen, if the person has no real personal desire to get clean and are JUST doing it for others and not themselves, they will relapse for sure. It's sort of the same thing with losing weight too - if you want it to be long term and successful, you need to do it for yourself and not just to please others. Family interventions definitely work by establishing those "bottom lines" and really forcing the person to see the damage that they have done, and pressure them to get into treatment, which can be REALLY hard.

In treatment, the person needs to work on themselves and get that inner strength and desire to keep on working toward being clean.

 

It sounds like this guy has no problem with actually going to rehab, but he can't stick with it. I have to wonder why. I think he lacks that personal desire to stay clean and he may not have hit "rock bottom" yet.

[DN]

It sounds like this guy has no problem with actually going to rehab, but he can't stick with it. I have to wonder why. I think he lacks that personal desire to stay clean and he may not have hit "rock bottom" yet.

Yes, either that or his post-rehab treatment program is non-existent, not effective or he hasn't committed to it.

[Mesemene]

Part of what some of the family interventions aim for is for the friend/family member to recognize when they're helping, and when they're actually enabling the addict, rather than letting them suffer the consequences of their actions to SEE what impact the addiction is having.

 

For that alone, I'd definitely recommend finding a friends and family support group - they'll be able to relate to EXACTLY some of the conflicts you've experienced and will continue to go through - and while the odds aren't good, it can help you make sure his addiction isn't YOUR issue.