macbook Posted September 26, 2011 Share Posted September 26, 2011 I don't understand my boyfriend. He's the wierdest person ever. He used to do drugs but he's not a bad guy. I know, that's what they all say. But we we're really in love. Anyway. He's been in and out of my life the past year because of his addiction. But when he's in my life he's like the most normal person ever. You wouldn't even know that he struggles in life because of how in control of himself he seems. So this time he came back and I told him that we're over because I was too hurt by his disappearance and wanted stability and RESPECT. So I'm trying to move on and cuz I just can't deal with the drama his life used to bring to mine (not calling for days, etc). He doesn't want me to leave him. But instead of apologizing or something - he's acting all prideful. As if it doesn't bother him that I let him go. But then he sends me emails at 2AM saying how much he misses me and loves me. I don't get it!! We used to always talk about getting in shape together and doing a bunch of positive things. And since the last time he left - I'm doing great! I am in great physical shape and I feel so alive. He wants to join me and there is apart of me that thinks, well there is no harm in doing that because it would be good for him...and I wouldn't mind the company. We could do all the outdoor activities we used to say we wanted to do. He used to be REALLY physically fit and so did I along time ago. We used to always want to go hiking and stuff but when we were dating we kinda got stuck in a rut. So here is my point. I obviously know if I agree to hang out with him in this new, fun way - we're gonna feel the love again. And apart of me doesn't mind becuase I adore him. He is the only man that makes me nervous and feel funny in my stomach. But the other part of me (my inner protector) is like NO. Don't let him walk into your life again - learn from your past mistakes! He could get up and leave you again the minute he feels overwhelmed with life. He's been to rehab several times in life - even in the past few months. So I don't know - maybe he really is doing better and we have a shot again. I want to believe him but I'm so afraid of getting hurt again. Even though I know he loves me very deeply... I don't want to give up but I also don't want to start drawing too much hope either! I wish I could just hate him and feel disgust for his behaviour but I don't! I miss him everyday and dream about us kissing and making love nearly every other hour...Help! Link to comment
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