Is It Wrong To Want To Be Single At 36?

[Rob1000]

I'm 2.5 years out from my last serious relationship (Engaged etc, etc). It's been a bit of a topsy-turvy time, but my life now is generally great. I run my own business and do exactly what I like from week to week. I'm answerable to no one, if you like!

 

I've had one or two short term flings over the past year or so, but nothing serious. Recently I've done a bit of online dating. I've met some lovely girls, some I've rather liked but they haven't been as interested, and some who have been interested but I've not felt the same way (if you get me!).

 

At this point I kinda think it's just too much hassle to even bother. Even the times I've really liked someone I've had to question if it's what I really want. Do I want to complicate what essentially is a very simple uncomplicated life, or am I just not ready or haven't yet met the right girl?

 

I'm confused.

[UniqueSoul]

love will find you when you arent looking. continue to live for yourself, and someone else will want to live in that life as well.

[itsallgrand]

What are you confused about?

 

Are you concerned that if you do want to be single right now, that would be "bad" in some way? Wrong? Because I don't see how it could. Not really.

 

I think, and this is my personal opinion, if you search your heart of hearts, and what comes back is what you are living, then you are fine. It's when there is contradiction when there is problems. Example: if you were to say you want to be single, but really, you are denying that you want to be in a relationship because you would have to face what effort would be involved in it.

[johnnyp]

No, nothing wrong with it at all. There's a lot to be said for staying single. Your entire post could've been written by me...it's almost word for word how my life is and has been for the past few years post break-up.

 

And ALL of my married friends tell me "John...don't EVER get married. It sucks!" And their wives often tell me the same thing, so being single can be the way to go

 

This is very true though...

 

I think, and this is my personal opinion, if you search your heart of hearts, and what comes back is what you are living, then you are fine. It's when there is contradiction when there is problems. Example: if you were to say you want to be single, but really, you are denying that you want to be in a relationship because you would have to face what effort would be involved in it.

[Mesemene]

Nothing wrong with it at ALL. Your life, from what you've said, suits you down to the ground. You're fulfilled and happy. You enjoy where you are. And that's great!

 

Sure, it may change. Or you may meet someone that puts a different perspective on things. But there's no urgency for you, because you LIKE where you're at. It's what's right for you now. Enjoy it!

[thejigsup]

I'm singel now because my bf died this year, but I have to say I am now very free to do what I want when I want. I miss him so much, but I AM enjoying my freedom. I'm not looking and I may never look for love again. It is very nice to be single with nothing tying you down.

[Julcic]

Im 36 , recently single......i own my own home and have loads of things going for me.....keep attracting the wrong types for me but i'm learning a lot about myself. Throwing myself into work and friendships and family and am quietly confident "he" is out there somewhere and all Ive been through has been a way of learning ! Dont panic...relax!

[Ms Darcy]

I'm singel now because my bf died this year, but I have to say I am now very free to do what I want when I want. I miss him so much, but I AM enjoying my freedom. I'm not looking and I may never look for love again. It is very nice to be single with nothing tying you down.

 

I am sorry to hear this. I hope you are well.

 

Rob, let me ask you a question ... if your ex hadn't left, would you have been happy to spend the rest of your life with her? If the answer is yes, then I suspect what you might be going through is more emotional numbing. Yeah, there is a lot to being single that is uncomplicated. But, I think the greatest strength of relationships - the right one at least - is their ability to help you grow as a person, to support you through changes in life, to call you on your stuff, and to be your partner throughout your own changes in life. It makes me think of a lifelong cheerleader and best friend. If you wanted it before and were hurt, then perhaps some part of you is just turned off to the idea of putting in all the work it takes to get there.

 

Just one perspective though.

[sadchick83]

Rob, nothing is wrong with you. I suspect having your own business, even if it is super successful, is riskier than being an employee of a company. Since you do take on a certain amount of risk by being self-employed, perhaps being single is a coping mechanism for you to minimize business related stress..

 

I am in the same position. WHen I have worked for a company in the past and worked the typical 40 hours a week, I would go out, party, show up at work hungover, I never really thought about work after 5:00pm. Now that I am almost self-employed, I am much more protective of my career when it comes to dating. Maybe Rob, it's not that you don't have the time to date, its just pondering the damage a relationship can do to the success of your business.

 

It also may be that the world in general is becoming less social, more "me" oriented. Instead of planning evenings out, a person can plan an equally entertaining evening with their iPad-home alone. People look out for themselves much more than they used to.

 

Maybe its the economy? If you have a successful business, why take a chance with the distraction of a relationship?

 

It is quite possible you are simply not interested in a relationship. There is nothing wrong with that. It is better to be happy & single ( I hesitate to use the word "alone.") than miserable in a couple. Enjoy this time of your life!

[thejigsup]

Being single does not mean you are "alone". I have lots of people around me who care about me. I am not alone, I am single. BIG difference.

[quirky]

I think you just get used to being single. After I started feeling a bit better I quite liked being single, it felt safe and liberating at the same time. Plus I was becoming more picky, a bit more apprehensive too 'do I really wanna go through the effort' kinda thing. A friend told me 'it's not good to stay single for too long, you get used to it and it's harder to get out of it.' But I think you will reconsider if you meet someone that inspires you.

[Crazyaboutdogs]

I think you just get used to being single. After I started feeling a bit better I quite liked being single, it felt safe and liberating at the same time. Plus I was becoming more picky, a bit more apprehensive too 'do I really wanna go through the effort' kinda thing. A friend told me 'it's not good to stay single for too long, you get used to it and it's harder to get out of it.' But I think you will reconsider if you meet someone that inspires you.

 

Hmmm...one can also argue that it is not good to be in relationships because you get used to it and it is then harder to be alone after the relationship ends...hence why many people bounce out of one and straight into another one with no time to heal, or remain in a bad relationship because they are so used to having someone around and don't want to be "alone".