Approaching girls in a group ALONE

[Dougie_D]

I rarely go out with other people. And if I do, these people are already hooked up so they are not interested at all with meeting new people.

 

Because of this, I go out to bars ALONE. My question is for the ladies.

 

If you are with your girlfriends, how would/should a man approach you with out coming off desperate or even creepy?

 

thanks!

[phresh]

Good question, I'm interested in this answer too!

[Alezia]

Can't you just bring them along, but you will need to do all the work anyways. The easiest I would think for a guy, and what I see most often (even if some of the guys are not single in the group), is just for them to sit beside the other table of female. They will just slowly start conversation through the evening, until one of them switches over.

 

I'm going to be pretty negative, but usually men who were alone who approached a GROUP of female were usually pretty creepy. Probably because they felt they needed to push or shove themselves in. A one on one situation is usually more positive in itself.

I think the best way would be to be seated next to them let's say at a bar or something.

[bulletproof]

Find something better to do with your time than going to bars. Seriously, you are choosing the hardest way possible to meet someone for a potential relationship. I'm not saying it's impossible, but why don't you work on finding things you enjoy doing that can give you more satisfaction with your life, as opposed to going to a bar and drinking?

[quantumst8]

Alone is actually best. But you can't approach with anything cliche and boring such as, "Hey, how are you all doing?". You need a hook--a magic trick, an interesting opinion question, a brief social game, etc. You need to be able to smile and be confident through it all. Confident body language is important. When you're done with your thing, don't be afraid to get up and leave their area. You don't want to linger. If you managed to come off as interesting, then chances are one of them will reengage you in conversation later on.

 

Also, if you're going to be sitting at a table alone, have some sort of study book with you. It could be anything--LSAT, Intro to Spanish, How To Pick Up Girls in Bars When You're All By Yourself (could actually be quite funny if you played it right). You definitely don't want to be sitting there staring at your drink or staring off into space.

 

That's the best I can tell you, although I do somewhat agree with other posters that bars aren't the best places. But I think it's great social practice to go out and try engaging strangers. It will make you a more confident person.

[Stay_home]

I'll be honest, I probably wouldn't even try.

[Alezia]

It's definetly something you need confidence for, but I don't get the feeling you are quite there yet if you need to ask the question. Do you feel ok with doing it in other settings? I can tell you woman in bars getting picked up are really discriminating - unless you are simply going to a very local sit down pub. It's probably the worst environment to try to start a conversation with someone as an individual. (the music is really loud which doesn't help)

[Dougie_D]

What else am I suppose to do? Go to a concert? You can't talk to people. Go to the gym? Yes, I do that...but striking a conversation while you are on the treadmill seems really hard. Am I missing something? Honestly, bars seem like the BEST place to find and meet people. I've checked the "meet-up" groups but some of these groups don't meet anymore. I'm in a meetup group but we meet only once a month.

[Stay_home]

It's definetly something you need confidence for, but I don't get the feeling you are quite there yet if you need to ask the question. Do you feel ok with doing it in other settings? I can tell you woman in bars getting picked up are really discriminating - unless you are simply going to a very local sit down pub. It's probably the worst environment to try to start a conversation with someone as an individual. (the music is really loud which doesn't help)

 

That's why I wouldn't do it.

[bulletproof]

What else am I suppose to do? Go to a concert? You can't talk to people. Go to the gym? Yes, I do that...but striking a conversation while you are on the treadmill seems really hard. Am I missing something? Honestly, bars seem like the BEST place to find and meet people. I've checked the "meet-up" groups but some of these groups don't meet anymore. I'm in a meetup group but we meet only once a month.

 

Then you find more meetup groups. Or start your own. Or find a hobby that puts you out in the public eye (a community sports team, theater, volunteering). You could be at the local animal shelter once a week on a regular basis and I guarantee it's mostly females volunteering there. You have to find things that you truly care about doing and then eventually you make contacts through those activities. This includes making friends, which will then hopefully lead you to meeting women through those friends. You are sounding a little impatient. You have to put time into building a life and making contacts and don't expect the immediate results you would get from [maybe] just walking up to someone in a bar.

[sunnyv]

I agree it takes tomes. Getting on a league is usually best. Like a softball league..bowling. a lot if teams need an extra player and if you usually call the league and leave your name and number they will pass it along to someone which needs a player. Don't let everybody in the world took you we are all it were in the same spot ad you were obw time in our life.

[Dougie_D]

You have to find things that you truly care about doing and then eventually you make contacts through those activities

 

These are my interests:

 

- Board Games (in a meet-up group)

- Bowling ( still searching for people)

- Pool

- College Sports/ Tennessee Sports (I go to an Alumni meeting for the games)

- Concerts (mostly at small venues)

- Movies

- Going to gym

- Jogging/Running?

- Fishing

 

Not interested in:

 

- Hiking

- Beach

- Anything that involves height (bungee, skydiving, etc.)

- Volunteering (I've never had desire to do any of that stuff)

 

What I would love to learn -

 

- Cooking (I don't know where to start looking. I'm NOT going to school for this. Couldn't f

- Picking up women

- Fashion/Style

[bulletproof]

Okay, so do something with those interests then. If you are interested in running, there are probably quite a few groups that get together and train. Check your local paper, or craigslist, or meetup, or fb. There are also hash groups which can be fun if you are a drinker. Finding a bowling league shouldn't be hard either- check at the alley.

 

I think you are selling yourself short by refusing to volunteer or go to a class for cooking. Volunteering might help you become slightly less self-involved and give you some perspective on your problems. And if you've never tried it, you can't really say you dislike it. It would probably help you on multiple levels.

 

Be open to expanding your interests, too. It's great that you like movies, but it's passive, and pretty much *everyone* likes movies. Cultivate interests that set you apart from other people and require you to step out of your comfort zone.

[Dougie_D]

O.k..well. I think I got off topic here. For now, what about some ways of approaching women alone at a bar setting. Should I just NOT do it?

[bulletproof]

O.k..well. I think I got off topic here. For now, what about some ways of approaching women alone at a bar setting. Should I just NOT do it?

 

It isn't off topic. The question is how to approach women alone at a bar, and people are saying that maybe approaching women alone at a bar isn't your best idea.

 

I for one would not give advice on how to do that because I think it's futile and doesn't address the real issue, which is that you are not meeting people in your regular life so you are resorting to the bar situation as possible instant gratification.

[phresh]

Bullet, thats some strong advice there however, the man obviously knows his strengths and weaknesses and maybe hes not ready to get out of his "comfort" zone right away. I personally dont try to pick women up at bars, so I cant really input any positive resolution for you but im sure someone else can enlighten you. Good luck!

[Mesemene]

- Cooking (I don't know where to start looking. I'm NOT going to school for this. Couldn't f

- Picking up women

- Fashion/Style

 

There are quite a few places that offer recreational cooking classes in your area. There's some "singles clubs" that focus around events rather than actual dating, but give the opportunity to mingle with others. And link removed had quite a few items that might suit your fancy.

 

The main issues I see with bar meetings is - well, it's hard to tell who's actually available, for one. Not all the "single" girls and guys are single, and people tend to be extra wary because of it. Most girls by their mid 20's have had or had a friend who has had at least one "in town for business" guy misrepresent himself. Or have a friend who misrepresents HERSELF because "it doesn't mean anything, it's just for fun." It can really make you shy away from meeting someone in a location that often makes it hard to have a decent conversation.

 

What kind of bars/clubs do you frequent? It might be a little easier somewhere that has a "theme" or built in conversation starter, like a sports bar on a night that's televising something specific.

[Dougie_D]

I rather go to sports bars. Because A. I can always watch something on T.V and B. There is probably a pool table that I can play.

 

I'm not really down with the Lounge bars. These are definitely more of the "mingle" type settings but I don't have anyone to go with! This was the reason why I asked this question. Just because I can't find anyone doesn't mean I'm not going out though.

 

I'm a natural night owl. My roommates are hermits and barely drink. Anybody that I ask pretty much tell me that they don't want to go out. I really don't understand this at all.

 

Are these "single clubs" pre-screened? I tried to do some match-making services but all of them pretty much said that I wasn't what they were looking for. (they look for attractive busy people)

[Mesemene]

link removed - I don't have personal experience with them, but they're pretty big in my area and have a good rep - one of their "sister" outfits is in yours. And I figure where there's one, there's likely to be more out there. Figured it might be worth a looksee, since it's more activity based?

[Dougie_D]

Too much money and it seems like some church/school group to me. At least their trips and stuff. Thanks for the link though!

[Alezia]

I think that at a sports bar (depending on it, but the one you indicate seems more like a pub), the percentage of single woman would be much much less than something like a lounge or a club on a weekend night. Just sayin.

[CMS]

approaching a group of girls is easier than approaching a girl when she is by herself (you have no idea if her boyfriend is in the bathroom or something like that). To me personally approaching groups of 3 and above is the easiest since the rest of them can entertain themselves when you isolate the one that you are interested. Group of 2 is the most challenging ones.

 

4 pointers: 1, appears though you are on a time constraint (you have to ask them a question and leave to rejoin your friends, your friends being there or not is inconsequential).

 

2, break into the group non-threateningly, I use the line "Hey guys, my friends and I are debating and I want to see whats your opinion, who lies more? man or women?", use controversial topics so people will start voicing their opinion, always asks the question looking like you are about to leave.

 

3. Once you break into the conversation, start conversing with the group, if you see one you like, ignore her for now and engage her peer, make them accept you first. Ask how does everyone knows each other and just joke around and stuff and looks like you could be leaving anytime to rejoin your friends.

 

4. Isolate the ones you are interested after you get the group to accept you.

 

Also there is nothing wrong going to bars by yourself, no one cares that you are there alone. I go to bars and talk to strangers all the time and its fun get to meet new people, you can make some new friends this way.

[capuccino83]

 

Are these "single clubs" pre-screened? I tried to do some match-making services but all of them pretty much said that I wasn't what they were looking for. (they look for attractive busy people)

 

I think the answer to this is make yourself more attractive and busier?

 

I've met very few people who are just so unattractive that no matter what they do they are absolutely hideous. Not everyone's going to be Brad Pitt, but looks are more often about looking clean and put together than naturally attractive.

 

I think the more important thing for you is to do your pre-dating HW and figure out who you want to date. Then you have to figure out how you want to change that person. For example, I would not date someone with facial hair and disheveled so picking up girls like me will be a waste of your time no matter what. One of my friends is a rocker chick - she loves the alternative guy without a real job who can talk about music for hours and isn't "stuffy".

 

When you figure out who you want, you have to figure out whether you want to change to get that person. I decided that I wanted a guy who was in shape and outdoorsy because their personality was the most appealing to me - that meant that I had to get my a$$ in the gym and start spending time outdoors, initially on my own (I grew up in NYC so nature was like foreign to me). I looked for guys online who seemed to be outdoorsy but I didn't just randomly approach them. I had my own experiences to talk about and interests to share. Although they were limited, they were still there. I also decided that it was worth me changing my personality from a city girl. A blanket approach for anything with two moving legs especially when you have nothing to talk about is not gonna get you anywhere.