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Why don't guys hit on me?


somegirl30

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Then your question is why men don't hit on you at a bar or a club. I think because the focus at bars and clubs is almost 100% on looks, often through alcohol-infused eyes, and if you are not glamorous looking or stand out in some way you are less likely to be approached. What I did was make sure I was alone, and walk around the room looking at nothing in particular, with good posture and a small smile. I might make eye contact as I walked around but not lingering. I didn't walk too fast so that no one could approach me of course.

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My question is why would you want to be hit on at a club? If guys hit on you outside of the club, then you're golden. Most clubs are meat markets, unless you're going to more "mature" type bars/clubs.

 

Anyways, to answer your question. I agree with Batya. Just make sure you look approachable. If you find some attractive guy looking at you smile and play with your hair or something haha, maintain eye contact. He should get the hint. I've seen lots of girls at the bar that just look like they're having a terrible time. If I'm feeling particularly cheeky I'll go up and call her out on being a downer or something, but for the most part guys will bypass that grumpy looking girl for a girl that shows interest.

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I can't see what you look like, so I don't know. Men are visual creatures and if it's only the men at the bar scene who are looking at you, and staying quiet, I wonder if it's just a stance you have. Are you nervous? Self-protective? Too assertive? Is someone there sniping about you behind your back? There are just sooooo many reasons why they could be quiet. Post a pic, or send me an email of one. PM me and I can give you my email...

 

Angel

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Yes honey do not underestimate the importance of looks, at least as a first impression type thing. Guys go after the slender and sexy, it's hard to tell how smart she is or what her political views are or if she believes in space aliens from the other side of a crowded bar, that comes later. If you've got extra pounds on then work on it. You'll be healthier, happier, and you'll find that your luck changes drastically for the better!

 

Unfortunately, this is my guess as well. The bar scene is very looks oriented. I've been thinner and thicker (am currently thicker) and I know I had more guys hitting on me in the bar scene when I was thinner. That's just my personal experience. If you have guys interested in you outside of the bar scene, that is great!!

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Well, I guess I could work on making sure I'm smiling more and make eye contact. Usually I'm focusing on the fun I'm having and I'm usually dancing. Batya mentioned being alone and I do stick with my friends...should I not? I have one blonde friend who always gets attention.

 

Also, I am working on losing some weight and I'm pretty active. But I still prefer to be a little thick and really don't want to be skinny...

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I went with friends but if I wanted to meet men I separated from them ASAP - I think it's much harder for a man to approach a group of or even two women together.

 

That's true, if I see a cute girl sitting by herself having a drink (and she doesn't look depressed haha) I'd probably go up and say hi. Split your time between dancing with your girlfriends (which is when groups of guys will approach and try to dance) and just hanging out.

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You could always try your luck at hitting on guys you're interested in.

 

I tell a lot of women it's good not to be one-dimensional, because not every woman will be flirted with or hit on for many different reasons. In that case, you can approach and that way you'll always keep a door open to meeting folks.

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I think Batya's idea of separating herself (and smiling -- very important) is smart, as groups tend to intimidate some guys. But as a general rule, I will usually only approach groups because women seem to not be so guarded when they're around friends. When I see an attractive woman alone, I'll tend to assume she's either waiting on friends or waiting on her S.O. and that she'll have a tough wall if I try to talk to her. Granted, its only an assumption and I'm sure it's not always right.

 

In any case, body language is really important if you want to be approachable. If you're not smiling or looking comfortable with yourself, it gives off a "stay away" vibe. I understand it's tougher to feel comfortable when you're alone, but it is what it is.

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You could always try your luck at hitting on guys you're interested in.

 

I tell a lot of women it's good not to be one-dimensional, because not every woman will be flirted with or hit on for many different reasons. In that case, you can approach and that way you'll always keep a door open to meeting folks.

 

I'm not at all opposed to this...but a little unsure how to go about it I guess. Last night while out with friends, there was a man sitting alone and I thought of going to say hi...A few minutes later there was another woman talking to him.

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I'm not at all opposed to this...but a little unsure how to go about it I guess. Last night while out with friends, there was a man sitting alone and I thought of going to say hi...A few minutes later there was another woman talking to him.

 

For most guys, that's all it takes and they can take the lead from there.

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I'm curious as to what you do at bars.. Do you go by yourself or with someone in groups??? Are you making eye contact and talking with men you are interested in there?

 

Do you sit around with a drink looking down at the table and watching tv and think some man is going to talk to you? Sadly that's not going to work..Especially if you're not engaging and making contact with anyone.

 

I've gone by myself before and at this particular bar I go to, they have a dance area where people dance to music etc etc. Usually when I get on the dance floor, I have more luck with guys approaching me and wanting to dance with me when they see me by myself. One time I ended up dancing with this one guy all night and I hung out with him and his friends afterwards, even though nothing really came from that after that night I still had a good time...

 

Also I hope you're not looking for anything serious at a bar.. Most people are not there to look for relationships half the time anyway. I just go to have some fun and flirt honestly lol

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No, I'm not really looking for anything serious at a bar. Just really for fun.

 

Usually when I go to a bar or club, it's with girlfriends. We rarely sit and are usually dancing. If a guy talks to me I am able to converse (and yes, smile and make eye contact), but this doesn't happen often. I probably need to try to get by myself more often and try to approach guys as well.

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No, I'm not really looking for anything serious at a bar. Just really for fun.

 

Usually when I go to a bar or club, it's with girlfriends. We rarely sit and are usually dancing. If a guy talks to me I am able to converse (and yes, smile and make eye contact), but this doesn't happen often. I probably need to try to get by myself more often and try to approach guys as well.

 

If it's just for fun I think you just tell yourself that you don't need the ego stroking of being hit on and that it's not worth the effort it takes to separate from your friends and be approachable if it's just for fun.

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