Violent brother with drug addiction.

[findingmeandyou]

Does anyone have experience with restraining orders they can share, because I need to get one against my brother.

 

To briefly describe my brother, he's 26 with no job, barely passed high school, no college education, and has been doing and selling drugs for the last 10 years. He's also extremely abusive in every way - verbally, emotionally, and physically. He lives at home with my parents obviously, and they for some reason, haven't been able to stop enabling his behavior for the last 10 years. They have outright bought him a few nice cars, pay for his insurance, gas, money for cigarettes and to take out his girlfriend - god knows why she's still with him. Quite simply, they sometimes become tired of it, and when he doesn't get what he wants, he takes it. The last time, he stole my dad's car and a brand new flat screen TV, and sold it to buy drugs. He was soon after caught with heroin, and he has a court date in a few weeks. No one can say anything to him, because when you do, he flies off the handle, breaking things in my parents house, threatening to hurt people, etc. Last night, I experienced this again.

 

Long story short, he was verbally abusing my mother because she didn't buy some facial wash he wanted from the store. After I heard a dish slam in the sink, I couldn't stand it anymore, so I went in the kitchen, and told him if he wanted the face wash to go buy it himself. He immediately escalated, yelling at the top of his lungs that he was going to kill me, kill me in my sleep, punch me in the face where I recently had surgery so he could "break every bone". He picked up a drying rack full of dishes and glasses, smashed it on the floor, and continued to yell like that, calling my girlfriend ugly and many other words that will not get through the filters on this site. I called the police, and when they showed up, my parents refused to let them in the house, saying nothing was wrong, defended him, as usual. I heard the TV turn on in the living room....my brother had no contact with the police.

 

My parents actually asked ME to leave. I was staying there, because I had wedding planning events this weekend. One of the officers pulled me as ide and told me he know my brother's "rap sheet", been to the house before, and know my parents continuously refuse to do anything to stop this, and they can't do anything about it, because it is their house. Meanwhile, they constantly live in fear of him and are controlled by his outbursts.

 

I told my parents yesterday he's banned from my wedding, which is just a month away. My brother even threatened to show up at the wedding, ge drunk, and do something to me while he was ranting like an idiot. Not to my surprise, my parents disagree with my decision to disallow him from attending the wedding, and one of them even said they might not come!

 

Does anyone know much about getting a restraining order on someone? Yesterday, the police said I couldn't press any charges, because he never actually hit me. My dad jumped in the middle of us, and I also think he's in a way "smart" because he knows if anything happened, I could press charges and put him in jail for a few nights at least.

 

I want the restraining orders, because I don't want him anywhere near any of the wedding venues.

[Mesemene]

You'll have to look up the particulars for your area, but some of the court sites have forms you can print out to take to the courthouse to request a TRO - temporary restraining order.

 

A deputy or other court official will have to serve it to him. With his track record, be prepared for him to react badly.

 

Make sure you're always near a phone, and have 911 or your local police number on speed dial, because to enforce it if he ignores it, they have to catch him violating it - coming within the distance the TRO gives, and you don't want to give him time to prance off laughing and your family to swear he was home the whole time.

 

I'm really sorry to hear you have to deal with this without any family support. Stay strong and determined - I wouldn't want him at my wedding either, relative or no!!!!

[avman]

You need to look up the requirements for your location. Every state/province is different. Here where I'm at you would need to show either a single instance of an actual assault, or repeated instances of harassing actions, threats, etc. If that's what it states for your area you need more then this last incident in order to qualify. If he has a long rap sheet of documented incidents against you then it sounds like you'd have enough to convince a judge.

 

Keep in mind though that a restraining order is just a piece of paper. It's not a shield. Your brother doesn't sound like he'd have much of an issue with just violating it anyway - but at least you could have him arrested for it if they catch him doing it. You should still take precautions to protect yourself. Under no circumstances would I allow him at the wedding. If that means your parents don't come well fine, that's their decision. But you need to keep yourself safe no matter what your parents decide. You don't actually need a restraining order to keep him from the wedding venue. Simply inform him he's trespassing and to leave if he shows up. And call the police and have him removed if he won't leave.

[Ariel85]

You're better off having your guy friends monitor the doors and look out for your brother. An RO isn't going to stop someone like him, particularly if he's already got a lengthy record.

 

Horrible your parents are such enablers. Your best bet is to march on in life, and leave them to their fates.