LadyCaCa Posted September 25, 2011 Share Posted September 25, 2011 Is it wrong to be in love with someone 20 years younger than me. (reminder 44 (female), he's 23(male). I feel like I'm going insane. Of course people have their opinions and I haven't heard anyone say anything negative, so ..... why am I so paranoid? I seem to be the ONLY one with a problem....so far. Link to comment
offplanet Posted September 25, 2011 Share Posted September 25, 2011 It's not wrong to be in love with him. Whether it's a good idea to be with him or not depends, though. Can you say more about it? Link to comment
LadyCaCa Posted September 25, 2011 Author Share Posted September 25, 2011 See a previous post titled 'I'm 44, he's 23' it's on the first page. In short, it's complicated in other ways, but we're working through those things, but the age gap thing will always be there. I know it's a big gap, but he seems ok with it, but at some point someone is gonna make a comment about me being his mom or something. I think I'm setting myself up for major humiliation. Link to comment
22n32 Posted September 25, 2011 Share Posted September 25, 2011 No its not... But make sure its love not lust.. or infutatioun of being a younger guy.. Link to comment
In the Dark Posted September 25, 2011 Share Posted September 25, 2011 It's probably what you think people will think about you because you are loving someone younger than you and maybe hearing about the statistics of someone much younger than you loving without falling for someone else over time. Link to comment
LadyCaCa Posted September 25, 2011 Author Share Posted September 25, 2011 No its not... But make sure its love not lust.. or infutatioun of being a younger guy.. It's definitely lust. The sex is incredible. But he's an amazing person and we have fun together and we make each other happy....sometimes we are having so much fun that we forget to have sex. Link to comment
22n32 Posted September 25, 2011 Share Posted September 25, 2011 It's definitely lust. The sex is incredible. But he's an amazing person and we have fun together and we make each other happy....sometimes we are having so much fun that we forget to have sex. Sometimes the lust which gives us the amazing sex makes on turn a blind eye and ignore things that in any other circumstance we would question.. is this what I really want or is this person really right for me.. I've been in ur shoes, Link to comment
offplanet Posted September 25, 2011 Share Posted September 25, 2011 I read that thread. I don't see any problem with it, myself. I think in the earlier posts you didn't say you loved him. Things must have changed since then. I say if it makes you both happy, and its not hurting anyone, whats the problem? Link to comment
LadyCaCa Posted September 25, 2011 Author Share Posted September 25, 2011 You know 22n32, I get what you're saying but we haven't had sex in a couple of weeks now and I see him almost everyday but it's not an issue. I'm excited about the person he is and how he makes me feel. When we have sex, it's amazing, but if we didn't I think I'd be ok with that but if I couldn't be with him I'd be lost. I suggested that we have a purely sexual relationship, like a booty call thing, and he said it was out of the question, he couldn't treat me with such disrespect. Link to comment
Princess123 Posted September 25, 2011 Share Posted September 25, 2011 Aww adorable. It sounds like a cute relationship to have fun with for now and then who knows where life will take you two! He is of legal age so nope nothing is wrong with you! Link to comment
22n32 Posted September 25, 2011 Share Posted September 25, 2011 That's good... Be happy, don't question it and worry.. enjoy ur time together. And let faith take its course... Link to comment
MoggieGirl Posted September 25, 2011 Share Posted September 25, 2011 You know 22n32, I get what you're saying but we haven't had sex in a couple of weeks now and I see him almost everyday but it's not an issue. I'm excited about the person he is and how he makes me feel. When we have sex, it's amazing, but if we didn't I think I'd be ok with that but if I couldn't be with him I'd be lost. I suggested that we have a purely sexual relationship, like a booty call thing, and he said it was out of the question, he couldn't treat me with such disrespect. Awwww! First of all, consider yourself pretty foxy that in your 40s you can still attract a much younger man. Second, enjoy the sex. Third, don't treat him like he's just your boy toy. He is obviously mature enough for a relationship based on mutual respect. Link to comment
LadyCaCa Posted September 25, 2011 Author Share Posted September 25, 2011 I read that thread. I don't see any problem with it, myself. I think in the earlier posts you didn't say you loved him. Things must have changed since then. I say if it makes you both happy, and its not hurting anyone, whats the problem? Things did change, I'm in love with him. I was before but not sure about it. The problem is, it's hurting me. I wonder what people say behind our backs. I notice every single line on my face now and I'm terrified that he'll notice too. I worry that he's wasting the best years of his life, that he should meet someone his own age and have a family. I think he's gonna wake up one day and say "what the hell am I doing with this person??' I know he cares about me and he might love me, and it's not for me to worry about what others think or if he's making the right decision, but I just don't see how it can work in the long run. Link to comment
MoggieGirl Posted September 25, 2011 Share Posted September 25, 2011 Things did change, I'm in love with him. I was before but not sure about it. The problem is, it's hurting me. I wonder what people say behind our backs. I notice every single line on my face now and I'm terrified that he'll notice too. I worry that he's wasting the best years of his life, that he should meet someone his own age and have a family. I think he's gonna wake up one day and say "what the hell am I doing with this person??' I know he cares about me and he might love me, and it's not for me to worry about what others think or if he's making the right decision, but I just don't see how it can work in the long run. Don't worry about it. He is a man and he can make his own decisions. Link to comment
22n32 Posted September 25, 2011 Share Posted September 25, 2011 Things did change, I'm in love with him. I was before but not sure about it. The problem is, it's hurting me. I wonder what people say behind our backs. I notice every single line on my face now and I'm terrified that he'll notice too. I worry that he's wasting the best years of his life, that he should meet someone his own age and have a family. I think he's gonna wake up one day and say "what the hell am I doing with this person??' I know he cares about me and he might love me, and it's not for me to worry about what others think or if he's making the right decision, but I just don't see how it can work in the long run. I think u really understand the sitution.. because one point or another all those issue will come up.. But who's to say u can't live and enjoy ur time now.. Nothing in life is guarentned.. u know that.. Link to comment
LadyCaCa Posted September 25, 2011 Author Share Posted September 25, 2011 I think u really understand the sitution.. because one point or another all those issue will come up.. But who's to say u can't live and enjoy ur time now.. Nothing in life is guarentned.. u know that.. I've been in relationships that I thought would last forever and they didn't it's insane to be in one that you KNOW has a very limited shelf life. Just waiting for the axe to fall is a killer. I'm trying to live in the moment but I want there to be lots more moments with him. Link to comment
22n32 Posted September 25, 2011 Share Posted September 25, 2011 I've been in relationships that I thought would last forever and they didn't it's insane to be in one that you KNOW has a very limited shelf life. Just waiting for the axe to fall is a killer. I'm trying to live in the moment but I want there to be lots more moments with him. I agree, that's when I guess u have to make a decesion is this worth the risk for me.. Everything has a risk/reward to it.. But u can't dweel on it, because that will ruin it too.. just live In the moment and see what happens.. But if ur fear outweighs that.. sometimes it better to cut ur losses early.. I'm just keeping it real.. Link to comment
PaintWithLight Posted September 25, 2011 Share Posted September 25, 2011 I've been in relationships that I thought would last forever and they didn't it's insane to be in one that you KNOW has a very limited shelf life. Just waiting for the axe to fall is a killer. I'm trying to live in the moment but I want there to be lots more moments with him. You have hit the nail on the head. Just try to stay in the moment. Enjoy what seems to be working for you right now. All of your worries will surface in due time and you will have to deal with them then. Why ruin the good time you are having now with future worries??? Those have not happened yet, it is a waster of energy. If you are going to have an age gap relationship, you have to find a way to ignore those future fears and develop a thick skin. It is a big feature of the relationship but do not let it define the relationship. Either you can do this or you can't. Stop worrying about the thoughts of others behind your back. Be here now. Link to comment
LadyCaCa Posted September 25, 2011 Author Share Posted September 25, 2011 I thought about that, but I don't think I could do it. I tried to break it off more than once and he convinced me to stick with it. I don't know how far he wants to take this, and realistically, how far can it go??! He's already told his mother (she didn't comment much, probably in shock ... she's 3 years older than me.) Maybe I'll give it a year, if it's still going strong I'll relax and if not, I'll end it. Link to comment
ambigram Posted September 25, 2011 Share Posted September 25, 2011 Something wrong with you? No.Most men and fewer women have a hankering for youngsters.. When I was 16-20 I was diddling a woman in her 30's that had three children.... Enjoy the young stuff while you can and then take a step back and look at yourself...There's got to be a reason why you're attracted to someone that could be your child..... Link to comment
LadyCaCa Posted September 25, 2011 Author Share Posted September 25, 2011 Enjoy the young stuff while you can and then take a step back and look at yourself...There's got to be a reason why you're attracted to someone that could be your child..... It is strange that I'm attracted to him. I've never even considered dating someone that young. It's all down to who he is and the chemistry between us. He could be my child, and we joke about what I was doing when he was born, but he's NOT. He's an adult, a man that I met and fell in love with. Link to comment
wiseoldwoman Posted October 6, 2011 Share Posted October 6, 2011 Don't know whether you'll ever read this, but I say go for it! I'm 55 and have been married to a guy who's 17 years younger than me for 10 years and we dated for 5 before that. So he was 23 when we met. It's been fabulous. I've always taken the attitude that no relationship is guaranteed to last forever, and there's a possibility our age difference will someday matter, but so far, nope. There might be different issues because of the age thing, but every relationship has issues of one kind or another. If the two of you enjoy each other, don't worry about the rest. (But do be prepared for the fact that people WILL be saying things about it behind your back even if they don't to your face. I just chalk that up to jealousy, though!) Link to comment
LadyCaCa Posted October 27, 2011 Author Share Posted October 27, 2011 Don't know whether you'll ever read this, but I say go for it! I'm 55 and have been married to a guy who's 17 years younger than me for 10 years and we dated for 5 before that. So he was 23 when we met. It's been fabulous. I've always taken the attitude that no relationship is guaranteed to last forever, and there's a possibility our age difference will someday matter, but so far, nope. There might be different issues because of the age thing, but every relationship has issues of one kind or another. If the two of you enjoy each other, don't worry about the rest. (But do be prepared for the fact that people WILL be saying things about it behind your back even if they don't to your face. I just chalk that up to jealousy, though!) Thank You. I was hoping someone in a similar situation would respond. My problem is that I know that, at 23, NO ONE knows what they really want and this thing might be a novelty, I might be a 'feather in his cap', and I thought I was prepared for all that, but he's so amazing in every way that I can't help hoping that it will last. I can't get too emotionally involved because I know the chance of it working out are slim. I can't resent him if it doesn't because he's always been caring and generous and a good friend. He's young, and he's been in a relationship for the past 4 years, so I think he needs to get out and be single for a while. He should also have kids because he'd be an awesome dad (I can't have kids and don't want to). All I want is to be with him and all the odds are stacked against it....and it really sucks. Link to comment
mhowe Posted October 27, 2011 Share Posted October 27, 2011 If you need a roll model, look at Bo Derrek and Corbin whats-his-name. Have fun. Link to comment
YesIAmConfused Posted October 27, 2011 Share Posted October 27, 2011 look, I'm a 53 year old woman and I have been in a relationship with a 20yr old for a year and 4 months, have known each other for over two years. We do have issues as you can see if you read my post for help, but it honestly is not age related. At first I did question my sanity, and as soon as I felt love for him I admit it, I ran away and hid But he pursued me and did not give up until I finally agreed to give it a try almost a year after we first met. Incidentally, I apparently look like a 30 yr old, although I still can't see why he would be interested in me. His friends have seen pics of me, and they have all seem able to see why he's with me, but still as I said, we have issues. although I'm kinda thinking these issues are normal 20 yr old guy thoughts which he just happens to keep telling me every time he has them, which is causing problems. Apart from this though, he is adamant that he loves me and wants only me, and wants to spend his life with me. But the only issue related to age which does come up is that I will not ever be able to give him children. We have discussed this thoroughly however, and my thinking is that if we did stay together I would probably be gone while he is still young enough to meet someone else and have kids then. But you know what? That makes me feel selfish Apart from that though, we have so much in common. Most of our tastes in music and movies are the same, and yes sex is awesome I also can't visualise the long term picture, particularly with the problems we've been having relating to his random thoughts, but if that wasn't an issue then I would definitely stay with him as he is probably the sweetest person I have ever met and yes, we have so much fun Good luck in your relationship, he sounds like a very sweet guy Link to comment
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