sister wants to date ex.. i still have feelings for him

[MEE123]

it hurts that my sister would hit on him because she's blood and she's not supposed to betray me, but she did. I've never dated any of her ex's let alone looked at any of her bf's and she doesn't like me being friends with her friends, so I'm not. Whatever though.. I still have feelings for him and I think he might have feelings for me considering we dated for two yrs(which is good because that means he wont go after my sister.. hopefully) even though he's dating this chick who's basically replaced me. At the same time I know I wouldn't want to go back to living that lifestyle and I'm much happier being apart from him. I guess I feel torn, really, even though there's really nothing to feel torn about considering he's not asking me to date him again and he's clearly moved on. I'm also slightly scared that he's going to accept my sister's "offer" and actually consider dating her; she's still hitting on him on FB and it's really ticking me off. Whenever I confront her she lies to my face.

[Furtive]

And here is the birth of "I haven't talked to my sister in 30 years, and I don't plan to start now."

 

I'm sorry your sister is so evil and would do that to you. The lying to your face is just icing on the cake. My father and his brother's relationship went the way of the above circumstance under a similar situation...and to be honest, when I met my Uncle for the first time (father not present) I understood completely and was glad he severed their relationship.

 

Not saying that's what to do, but this kind of evil animosity will lead to that, eventually.

[MEE123]

And here is the birth of "I haven't talked to my sister in 30 years, and I don't plan to start now."

 

I'm sorry your sister is so evil and would do that to you. The lying to your face is just icing on the cake. My father and his brother's relationship went the way of the above circumstance under a similar situation...and to be honest, when I met my Uncle for the first time (father not present) I understood completely and was glad he severed their relationship.

 

Not saying that's what to do, but this kind of evil animosity will lead to that, eventually.

 

Pff, I wish I could sever ties that easily, but I don't know how long it'll take me to move out. At first I was skeptical it was actually happening and kept saying no no, but now it's just so obvious and I'm like seriously? Why? He's younger than you, I had a serious relationship with him, so why? I would say jealousy, but I have no idea what she's jealous of. She's attempted this before and failed because my other ex was a sweetheart and he told me she was talking to him, but he didn't know if he should talk back to her. She also destroyed the eldest's relationship by gettin her bf to do drugs with her. I don't understand what's going through her head? Can't she get her own darn bf?

[Betweenthebars]

She's done this before? Seriously? How old is she? I ask because she's ACTING like a jealous, petty 13 year old. Pretty damn rude and immature. You should tell her straight up you know she tried this before, she's doing it now, and you can see through her lies. You think it's very hurtful, and if she has any respect for you she needs to cease her foolish behavior. Tell her you love her, but that her actions are burning bridges.

[The_Seeker]

Ugh. [shivers] gross. That's just wrong of your sister. She clearly doesn't respect you or herself.

[MEE123]

It's no coincidence that out of 100s of millions of eligible males on the planet your sister is going after the one who recently broke up with you. Here's what you do about it, it's very easy. Nothing. Don't ask her about it, don't acknowledge it, don't show her or anyone else except maybe a close trusted friend that it bothers you. Because that's exactly why she's doing it. For whatever reasons but I'm sure it goes back to when you were kids and you took her favorite toy or something.

Yeah, that is a good plan. I might try, but everyone already knows. My parents, the eldest sister.. she obviously knows. What's worse is that my mom sides with her. I never did anything to her, not even when we were kids. She's the one who stepped all over me and I blindly followed because I thought we were friends. Anyways, I guess none of this is really up to me; it's his choice mostly and she's clearly already made her choice. I guess if she follows through on it and he goes after her.. well Idk what I'll do. I guess at this point I'm not going to let myself be bothered.. after-all he is dating a cute blond 21 yr old, so I don't see why he'd mess up his relationship to date my jealous sister, haha. Unless he was really that interested in hurting me, which hopefully he's not.

[MEE123]

thanks for the responses y'all.. Has this ever happened to anyone else on here?

[MEE123]

Ahah.. OMG I think I get it now! THANKS!!!!!!!! Either way I went up to my sister already and talked to her because I don't want there to be bad blood between us. I guess I'm over it and if she really wants to date him then that's her deal. I'm not getting "all wound up over it" as you put it, but it's not as easy as just saying "Oh, yeah he's my ex I don't care that he's screwing my sister," especially if I still have feelings for him. Telling me to let him go and saying that I am letting him go is a lot easier than just dropping all the feelings I had for him. Most of my attachments to him are over. It's true that I shouldn't be hoping that he doesn't go after my sister just because he's dating that blond chick and no, it's not like I stalk her just because I know they're dating. Even in my "not getting it" I was doing nothing because there is nothing to do. I already said it's not my choice in the least. I guess I was mostly looking for a little comfort, but getting * * * * * ed at by some random chick really eased my anxiety. thx for that

[MEE123]

Your sister is dating your exboyfriend when she could be with any one of dozens if not hundreds of eligible guys in your area. She has chosen to be with HIM. This is the second time she's gone after an ex of yours. The bad blood is already there, she has spilt it, and you are not going to make it go away by talking to her about it. Especially when "talking to her" means trying to "talk her out of doing it" due to age differences and other reasons you come up with.

 

That is true, but in all honesty I'm not angry at her. I just pointed out that she clearly had no respect for me if she decided to go through with it and had a small convo with her. I guess I felt betrayed, but it'd be stupid to hold a grudge against her. They aren't dating, just flirting.

[maynards_razorblade69]

I had this happen to me before. Dated a guy for 2 years, he was very close to my family and my sister. When we broke up, less than a month later she and him were in a relationship. It was extremely painful. Not only because I wasn't remotely over him, but because my sister and I were still living with our parents, so he was round all the time, in the next room with her, and it was quite obvious what was going on. I didn't want to go back out with him, and my mother was so fond of him that she wanted him still in the family, so my parents told me I was being silly getting upset about it. If I didn't want him, then why couldn't my sister have him? It wasn't that simple though. In the end I sat down one night and wrote her a very long letter explaining everything about how I felt. It took me about 8 hours during the night and I slipped it under her door in the morning. She woke me up the next day crying and telling me she was so sorry. The guy was history within an hour. She said to me that, while I interpreted her behaviour as cruel, jealous and trying to hurt me, it wasn't that at all. What she'd witnessed over the last two years was me with a man that made me happy, that got on well with my family, the 'ideal' bloke, who was always there to talk to her if she needed it. She wanted that for herself. She didn't understand that she could find someone else. Just because things didn't work out between him and me, didn't mean they wouldn't for her and him. She had no understanding of the pain it caused me though, because she'd never been in a relationship before (even though she was 17). Anyway, once we'd had a heart to heart, laying everything on the table, big hugs all round, everything was sorted out, and we're great friends. Now we're both in different, satisfying relationships and can laugh about the shared ex.

 

Sometimes things get misinterpreted, and it's always best to talk about them. If you can't face to face, then write it down. Or get a friend to tell them. But communication in these matters is the key! Looking back on the whole situation, bizarrely, she was right. He would have been a much better match for her than for me! They had more in common, they got on very well and always made each other laugh. She was fiery and had a hot temper, he was calm and collected, which worked perfectly between them. I didn't see it at the time because it hurt. But it would maybe have worked for them. I'm glad nonetheless that they didn't continue the relationship, as it would have made the healing process a lot more painful for me and would maybe have ruined my relationship with my sister, which has always been strong.

 

Anyway, good luck to you, and I hope you sort it out in the least painful way for all involved.