Past boyfriends set standards?

[Gimpyrks]

I was thinking about weather my past boyfriends have set standards for future boyfriends. My last ex told me that from dating you realize what you don't want in a person, which will eventually lead to you finding the person that has the things you are looking form. The ex before him told me that no matter who you are with, there is always someone out there more suited for you. With these two things going through my mind, I can't help if my standards are now too high for any guy?

 

The last guy I dated was near to perfect in my eyes, and there were only a select few (and very very minor) things that I would have changed. Granted, even if I could have changed them I wouldn't have because I don't believe in perfect people.

 

I have been exposed to many many new guys over this past month of me being at college, and I look at them and think "No I wouldn't date this person because..." I am NOT saying I look for guys just to date, it is just something that runs through my head and my friend standards and dating standards do have differences.

 

I just fear that I have had some great boyfriends (even though the relationships didn't work out for XYZ reasons), will it be eventually be impossible to find a guy that will stick out from the past boyfriends? Am I approaching this wrong?

[Smile12]

It'll happen - it just takes time. It'll probably happen when you least expect it, too

[Gimpyrks]

That is a nice thought actually Because I feel bad when I think about dating that way but then I can't help but think, why would I settle for less then what I had before? Again, probably a wrong way of thinking haha.

[ut804]

I think through dating multiple men (or women) we find out what we really want and need in relationships (and what we can't deal with). It's good to have high standards, however, you need to be sure that your standards are also realistic. No one is perfect. I think the "little" imperfections you can let go, but if there is something major (like a drug addiction) you shouldn't be so accepting of that.

 

It's not impossible to find a guy who is better than your ex's. I know everytime I think no one will come along that I'm crazy aout someone does come along.

[In the Dark]

Think of it this way.

Each person you meet will always have different traits.

Some better some worse.

It's about which person you can love rather than ditching the next because he was not better in a certain way than the ex.

Otherwise in the end you may end up with GIGS and the person who was great for you which you broken up with which you now want, has another partner and want nothing to do with you.

[WhenWillILove]

Yes, I think with every new person, there's a different standard set. And sometimes, event though you might think you know what you want in a partner, comes a different person and you like something you thought you wouldn't.

[Celadon]

There's a balance between knowing what you want and being open to who a potential partner IS.

 

To some extent, when you are young, you have a better chance of finding someone available who has many of the qualities that you "want." Obviously, as the pool of single people shrinks, you have to be more open to people who have some of the qualities you consider important but may not have all of them. (I am speaking from experience.)

 

But you can never "mail order" the exact person you want to be with. There's a lot of wisdom in realizing that every person has strengths and weaknesses AND in realizing that a relationship is about caring for the other person in all his (or her) imperfections, just as he loves you for all of who you are.

 

So your last ex is right in that you do learn over time what qualities are important to you. I disagree, a bit, with your other ex on whether there's always someone better suited for you. Theoretically, sure, but that person may be in Wisconsin while you are in Alabama, and your paths will never cross. I also think that, while you may look at your past boyfriends as yardsticks to future bfs, please remember they are EXES for a reason. Whether you broke up with an ex or he with you doesn't matter. That fact that your relationships didn't last, in and of itself, makes those exes NOT good measuring sticks, imho.

 

I encourage you to get to know all kinds of guys without committing to anyone until you feel you've met someone you really want to get to know well -- someone you respect and enjoy and who shares similar values as you.