always in the back of my head...

[diorme89]

My guy and i have been together for almost a year now. It has been the best year ever , everything has been so magical we have gotten along great, gone on various vacations, met each others families, and finally feel so comfortable with one another. The reason i am trying to set our relationship background up is because , i always wonder in the back of my head if he thinks about his ex. Eventhough he has not given me any reason to believe that he still does. I don't think of my ex's but i just can't stop thinking about my guys ex, i have never met her and only know what he has told me about their past relationship, or what i have found out on my own. I guess i always wonder because they had been together for 7 years and they were also engaged at one point. We have talked about the past relationship and he told me that they tried to turn that stone over so many times to make it work and it didn't and it was over well before it was actually over. I don't know how to stop myself from thinking about his ex so much and just enjoy this wonderful relationship we have. Suggestions?

[TriColors]

What exactly worries you about his EX? Are you afraid that he would get back together with her if the opportunity presented itself? How long after they broke up did you and he get together?

 

It sounds to me like he is over it. You just need to move on and get over the thoughts of her, because he has.

[diorme89]

he says it was a little over a year and then he got with me. I know from someone else that she wants him back, she has tried contacting him on what would have been their anniversary this past august and those little gestures like that i guess bother me. I do trust him and he says that he needed that break in between relationships to figure himself out ( he always says that his brother is the opposite) so whenever he says does things im more reassured that what we have now is what he wants. But still just knowing that she wants to be with him i cant help but be paranoid. IT sickens me that fact that i think about this constantly!!!!!!

[rambohearts]

as i'm the same as you, all i can say is what i try to do, calmly explain to him how you are feeling, remind him that you know its a bit over the top, but its how you feel and you cant help it. as i know exactly what its like, its hard to just "get over it", and if you really feel like its taking over you and ruining things you need to say something to him. all you need is reassurance sometimes, but it depends on how he will react, but if he loves you, he will want to make you feel better and comfort you. thats what you need, just will you get it?

[Ms Darcy]

I don't think it's productive for you to try to explain to him why you are insecure. I think it's more productive for you to write in a journal why you need to stop feeling this way. At the heart is, are you afraid that he might leave. Are you afraid this happiness won't last. Reassurance can't really come from him -- not the kind that will last anyway.

 

Good luck.