Afraid to approach women I find to be attractive in public

[fromzerotohero]

Once I am passed the initial approach and actually chatting to them, it's not so bad.

 

I always fear that they won't find me attractive, even if I have a decent personality. Physical attraction is important in places such as parties, bars, pubs and clubs. I try to engage eye contact with potential women that I am interested in, but maybe it's just me, I don't notice any reciprocation, so I view this as being a red light and the cue to move on. I am not ugly, just a bit short (5'6") and probably 'average' looking.

 

My question is - If you're a woman whom has a lot of male attention when you're out, would you give a guy whom you wouldn't usually find to be your 'type' a chance to get to know you/give him your number?

[Baudilaire]

They'd have to grab my attention. If I was physically attracted to them and they seemed really down to earth and cool then I probably would. Previously no because I thought it might look a bit loose but when I think about it, how else do you meet people. There is always going to be a first time. So to sum up I would based on those things. Without instantly hitting it off I wouldn't so make sure you grab her attention

[fromzerotohero]

This game of love seems so hard, especially when you're single and not in university anymore!!

[Mesemene]

My question is - If you're a woman whom has a lot of male attention when you're out, would you give a guy whom you wouldn't usually find to be your 'type' a chance to get to know you/give him your number?

 

I don't know if it helps, but I can say the guys I've ended up dating had zero in common looks-wise. My "type" I suppose is someone I can talk to, who has a strong sense of self and sense of humor, and open to new things. But - being able to talk to someone, for me, is paramount. So someone who came up to talk to me with an opener that's not a tired pick-up line would sure have a shot!

 

Maybe try taking an evening class that's recreational, and strike up conversations there instead of "the bar scene?" If it's something that interests you, at least you'd be starting with something in common!

[CuriousShe]

You'll be surprised to hear this but a beautiful woman doesnt get hit on face to face a lot because fear men have of rejection. If you respectfully address your wishes or comments she will most likely be soo happy you did.

[jaysmaury]

Not as much about looks as most of us guys tend to think. I've seen some really hideous dudes with some smoking-hot girls simply because they have the gift of gab and exude confidence. Confidence is the chick magnet. It's almost a catch-22, though, because most of us do not develop confidence until we achieve something that makes us feel like we're on top of the world. Once we do, we gain confidence which leads to more success in all aspects of our lives and it snowballs to the point where we are confident, ambitious, and completely comfortable with ourselves.

[fromzerotohero]

I guess for me, I'm always looking for that green light validation to approach someone. It seems that I need to 'suck it up' and go in cold turkey with no assumptions or fear or rejection. I guess being a more sensitive person, I don't want to make the situation appear awkward/bad for the other person.

[caveman91]

I guess I don't understand whats so complicated about this.

 

Usually, what I do is make eye contact and smile (every once and a while). If she's making the effort to look back occasionally and smile back, then I approach. If not, I don't.

 

I think if you go in cold with no welcoming signals from her, you'll fail most of the time, then this will just lower your confidence more and more overtime.

[caveman91]

o.k. sorry OP, I just read your last post.

 

I agree with your original instinct. I wouldn't call it a green light validation. Green light would be her waving her finger at you to come over. Her smiling back in a subtle way is a yellow light validation (proceed with caution because she just might be a nice person that smiles at everyone she makes eye contact with). If there is no nothing (no smile no nothing...just a red light), then move on.

 

So green or yellow light, go in. Red light walk away.

 

Think about your other brothers out there. If we all go in and approach in a red light situation, we are only teaching women that they don't have to work for it at all. I'm not saying women need to meet us 1/2 way in the chase, but "come on baby" meet us 1/100 of the way.....1/1000 of the way.....something.

 

And besides, for me personally a woman with an attitude of "I'll let him do all the work".....well let that digest.....would you really want a woman like that anyways?

[abitbroken]

If the woman gets a lot of male attention and you see her smiling a lot and not trying to hide, I think its a good bet to approach her. Not that you will get a date with her, but she is used to talking to people. You could go up and just say "hello" and say "i have a question. i usually get plain coffee...but wanted to try something new. How do you like that iced latte? is it something I should try?" And start a convo. You have to practice just TALKING to women without asking for their number and it will make it easier because you won't be focused on a strike out. If you talk to a woman and see her again, it will make it that much easier next time to talk to her. Only ask a woman out within a few minutes of meeting her if something really in common comes out of the conversation. Or better yet, go back another time if she is someone you run into on a regular basis and ask her then.

 

Ladies are not hunting targets where you aim and miss like a shooting gallery. We are cautious these days. Try to get to know us.

[caveman91]

I just don't get the fear of rejection thing anymore. I know there was a time in my life in my life when I did (well over a decade ago), so I can somewhat relate. And therefore, I'll try to help.

 

Maybe try and start thinking of it like this. These women, are you sharing time with them now? No. So what have you really lost by approaching them. Nothing. Absolutely nothing. You aren't sharing time with them now. And you want to. If you approach them, you share a brief time....even if it is in rejection. Isn't that better than not knowing.

 

Rejection makes you stronger and more importantly more educated (if you analyze and learn from the experience). You should welcome rejection; not fear it.

[Stand Strong]

It's simple. Rejection doesn't exist UNLESS she knows you on a personal level and rejects who you are. So never take a no personally. Judging based on looks in that setting can be shallow[to an extent] Mostly because just because I talk to a girl in public DOESN'T MEAN I'M LOOKING FOR A DATE. Maybe I'm looking to expand my social circle? Maybe I'm new in town trying to meet people be it guys or girls? Anyways, if a women shoots you down, she's basically doing you a favor and giving you away to someone better who will not judge you apart from your looks and her own shallow/socially conditioned assumptions.

[MakeItCount]

cavean and strand strong have it right. The number one reason for guys not approaching girls is, obviously, fear of rejection. Rejection doesn't mean anything. You cannot take it personal. I've talked about this before but I'll repost it. A girl could have 1000 different reasons why she might say no. Boyfriend, bad day, period, lost her job, just got dumped, etc. lots of reasons. As long as you don't approach like a creep you're all good. It really is a numbers game.