dave cat Posted September 23, 2011 Share Posted September 23, 2011 Hi everyone, I found this forum by chance really, trying to find reason or, if I'm honest, trying to find a way to get my ex back. I've been through alot of threads and it really has been a great deal of help but I'm having trouble finding that last bit of resolve to forget about her and move on. Here is an overview. I met my (now) ex about 4 years ago and we instantly hit it off. She truly is the most beautiful and wonderful girl I've ever met. To cut the story short I sold my house and moved to her town and for a short while things were fantastic. We used to talk for hours and hours, I could just watch and listen to her all night, truly I thought all of my christmases and birthdays had all come together. We travelled, we partied, we talked about the future. Eventually I asked her marry me and she said yes. That was the fairy tale, but here are the details. When we met she was in therapy for a "personality disorder" which I completely glossed over. How this wonderful woman could have a personality disorder was completely beyond me. I put it aside completely and it's something I only recently recalled. Her mother has been on anti-depressants since she was a child, she was raped by a boyfriend at 15 and had an abortion (I suspect late but not confirmed) afterwards. She has never got over this and we've spoken at length about how this has affected her life and how, until now, she hasn't wanted to have a baby. I've been as supportive as I possibly could be, I wanted this woman in my life forever and dreamed of the life we could create together. Around 2 years ago she took time off work (new management role) with stress, and spent the next 9 months in a downward spiral smoking weed all day and drawing. She has a history of anorexia which she spent time as an in-patient recovering over several months and her family are over protective. She had been losing weight and her family (and GP) were bullying her into believing she was having a repeat episode (I don't think this was true since I remember her eating like a horse) This episode ended up with her GP threatening to have her sectioned if she didn't seek treatment voluntarily. She did seek treatment and was discharged (no apology, I was disgusted with her family for treating her like this) There's nothing so ironic as life to throw in a few curve balls at you and it wasn't until very shortly afterwards my mother died (my only remaining parent) and I think it was an alcohol related heart attack. I'm also a divorcee with children of my own, I've had a vasectomy which was, at the time, final but future forward definitely something to reconsider. So, on the day of my mum's funeral we were driving back home and she turned to me and said "I had booked us into relate (relationship councilling) tonight because I didn't think we'd be staying so long" that was the first time she'd let me know that she thought there anything wrong with us. I didn't say anything, I was completely shell shocked and we went to the relate sessions which were not very useful. It's not until now that I really get the irony. So eventually we move house and not 2 days after we've moved in she moved out. She laid out the reasons that she left and I took it to heart and sought help. I saw a therapist who told me, catagorically, that there was nothing wrong with me and that without moving on I couldn't be helped. She kept me dancing around for the next 3 months, coming around and spending time with me but maintaining a boundary until I asked her to come back because I truly love her and would move heaven and earth to make things work. She did come back, I had a reversal operation (are you keeping up) and we were totally resolute on having a family. She came and moved back home (with a huge debt, unknown to me) and told me that she wanted to start an art compnay (from scratch) I poured in the cash and drove her hundreds of miles to enter her work into competitions but it wasn't happening and so the smoking weed habit escalated to the point that I was coming home after a day at work and waking her up. She'd be in a foul mood for the rest of day and (as it turned out later) would blame me for it. My (perceived, disappointment etc etc.) So (and I'm sure she doesn't appreciate the significance of the dates) she left me 2 days before my mum's birthday, 1 month before her death and 1 month before a milestone birthday. I'm absolutely gutted, I want her back so badly but at the same time I know it can't be right. I've supported everything she's ever done but I've never got any credit for it. I was treading on eggshells for months just to tell her that I thought it was important that she pull her weight financially (if she can) which culminated in her leaving for a couple of days. I know none of this describes a healthy relationship but I'm really having trouble letting go, if I'm honest I'd take her back in a heartbeat. Please help me move on. Link to comment
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