Read this and maybe be done with posting on E Not Alone - Moving on Facts

[livewithhope]

This is golden. I stole it from Wiki:

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1. First realize that there is absolutely nothing wrong with you. If someone is not interested in you it is in your best interest to find someone who does love and adore you for who you are. Know that you are worth it, and there are plenty of people who will love you. Never settle for someone who is not treating you and respecting you the way you deserve.

 

2. Ask yourself what might be in his head or his heart; it takes two people to be in a relationship and even though you feel the way that you do, maybe it was meant to be this way. Save your love for someone who feels the same way about you!

In my case, I know I deserve better. I tell myself "He isn't worth my love, he's too young to realize what he's doing to me so I guess that's that."

 

3. It's not about getting over a person, it's about feeling good about yourself. It's about knowing that you are the most important and you need to be happy. If this other person doesn't feel the same way, it doesn't really matter.

 

4. This situation is always an unfortunate one. It is ideal for 2 people to love each other the same, and at the same pace, but life is never ideal. To get this kind of relationship to work, you need patience! you have to weigh either waiting for her or moving on as options. If your feelings are real, and you choose to hang in there, you must not scare her away with your feelings! If things are meant to work out, you should be great friends before lovers anyway. While you let both your feelings reach equilibrium, you'll find it becomes easier sometimes just to ignore your strong feelings for her and just kick-back and chill with her. It's not always important to impress her, or do nice things for her in a loving way. It may give you hope to know that she can see you in the same light, just not so quickly.

 

5. Tough circumstance - being in love with someone who does not feel the same way as you do. It's not a problem - you can fix those, this is almost like "it's raining outside" - just have to deal. Objective advice: If someone doesn't feel the same way as you do - walk off. Don't even give them the privilege of friendship because you'll suck yourself back into the delusion. Do things for yourself, keep busy, bury yourself in work and keep searching for what you really want and need. Don't do what I have done.

 

6. Firstly, love is a peculiar thing. There is an almost ludicrous asymmetry between two people. The person at the top of your best friend list may rank you only at the middle of his or her list. However, if you truly, truly loved someone, then you'd be able to realize that it's OK if they don't love you back. True love gives and expects nothing in return; a true unrequited love. So, I've moved on from my perfect potential companion. He gave me the strength to realize that I can move on. He gave me the courage to try something different. He gave me the wisdom and sense for me to also respect myself. So, if you truly loved them, it doesn't matter if they feel the same way, your love conquers all.

 

7. us stop, there's always going to be another opportunity for the bus to stop again -- if we are ready for it at the bus stop. Sometimes we don't ever think we could possibly find someone better than that one we are in love with that doesn't return the love back, but that's not true. We just won't be ready to find it if we are pining for a love that is not healthy or returned. We owe it to ourselves to always know we deserve what's best and healthy. Stop being around that person if at all possible. If you can't, then think in your mind about how wonderful it would be to actually find someone special that returns your love. Tell yourself that you deserve it. We can't control love no matter how hard we try. It's just one of those things, but we can choose to love again. Work out, write your thoughts on papaer and then shred it but sometimes it helps to get your thoughts out of you, in writing. It's like a release or venting. Then rip it into shreds and flush it or shred it so it can't be found to possibly humiliate you later.

 

8. Staying busy can help a lot, but late at night, driving down the road, or at times when we can think are hard so blast some music, turn the tv up, read a book, watch a movie, take a night class, spend more time with friends, join an email group with those who share an interest. .. whatever, do things to force your mind not to be hurting for that other person. Don't ask yourself why you were not good enough, pretty enough, smart enough, sexy enough, etc. Don't beat yourself up over something that didn't work out. If you made mistakes and were responsible for killing it. Painful as it is, learn from those mistakes. Don't make them again. We all have had heartaches that hurt bad and SUCK! A broken heart is never fun. Life goes on. We have to as well. We owe it to ourselves to know we simply go on. We will meet another person but we shouldn't while we are hurting. We'll often end up not being as clear headed. We want someone to love us and to feel wanted, but that's a potential for another mess. Or, you could end up hurting someone they way you were hurt. When your heart is mended, you'll know. Every single day we get just a tiny bit better. Ok, maybe not every day, but if we can just make it from one day to the next and keep doing it, pretty soon we will feel better, if only a little, but that's a start to total healing.

 

9. Time. Letting yourself grieve and actually being ok with that. Not forcing yourself to get over someone. Allow yourself to feel the hurt, cry, write about it, listen to sad songs. Soon you will feel so tired from hurting all of the time. You will be ready to move forward. Doing this without contact of the person you love is best. Anyone that will still see you, sleep with you, and spend time with you, knowing they don't love you, and knowing how you feel, is selfish. Everyone deserves more than that. You can't force love out of your heart so don't try, that just hurts worse and you end up lying to yourself. You are human for loving, but you have to love yourself more. I do agree with comments on staying busy, friends and family also help. Casual dating can backfire however, because if the dates don't go well, it will just make you miss the person you love even more. Pray, and remember the good times but learn from the bad. Don't you want, one day, to be truly happy? Life is to short to give up the chance of true love for yourself. Go out into the world and continue to be the wonderful person that you are. Someone will see this, and love you just as much as you are capable of loving.

 

10. You accept yourself as you are, love yourself for who you are, forgive yourself for decisions and actions that have brought you pain, never settle for anything less then what you desire and deserve. Love is all about timing, make yourself the best person you can be both mentally and physically and do it for yourself no man. Once you do that, you will no longer waste your time on men who do not see you for who you are. You will see yourself as a beautiful women that has so much to offer the right man. But to be able to get over lost love you have to be able to forgive yourself, whether it was your fault or not for the break up. You also must make a conscious effort to get him out of your life. Keeping him as a friend will bring only more pain, this is from experience. Let him go, delete his name off your cell phone off your email, put the pictures away. It is your choice to be miserable about the situation, which for the first few months everyone chooses to be sad. I chose to be sad for 5 months when the man I loved dumped me. But you can also make the choice to be happy, but only you can do that. You have one life why sit there and waste it on a man who can't see all facets of your beauty. You have one life to be happy, love yourself, forgive yourself and you will see that that love will radiate and men will be attracted to that. Good men will be attracted to your positive self worth. And that positive self worth gets rid of all the baggage from past relationships that ruin current ones. But this is a choice, a conscious choice to leave the past and be happy and only you can make it. Know it wont be easy, but in the end you will have the love you have always desired.

 

11. All you can do is take it a day at a time and pray for strength.

You have to decide that there is now another step to climb in your life. There will always be happiness around the corner, everyone finds it. Happiness WILL come and find you. I wish you all the best for the future, keep smiling.

 

12. Time is the key. When you love someone you must know when it is time to let go. As hard as this may sound, strength, courage and knowledge is gathered from a broken heart. No one promised that love would last forever, nor that it wouldn't, it's just a chance. Life is a chance. Love yourself, pray, not only for you, but for that person as well. Never let bad feelings or experience change the person you are. No one wants a wounded bird, so understand that you need time to heal internally. There is no set time on when this will happen, but just let it take it's course. When the time is right, and you feel like you are ready to love again, don't look for it, let it find you. Keep God first, and never question his work. We will never know what the man has in store, and who is to say that you two won't love again, when the time is right, or maybe you both have matured. Life is short, so enjoy and savor your breath. Your battle is not lost, you are just beginning to live. God bless you and keep you strong.

 

13. This is not an easy question, and the answer is complex. I have several substrate beliefs that will take me where I am going to go. First, how you feel or don't feel about another says much about you. How they respond, says something about them. Think about that deeply. You may or may not know all of your reasons for feeling the way you do about that person. I suspect you may not have the whole story about them. Consider yourself for a moment. Is the first person of this personality type you have loved or is this a pattern? If it is a pattern, are you getting yourself involved with unavailable individuals? If so, you may need to look deeply at your motivation in choosing that type of person and why you are attracted to them. Now, lets look a them. Now, if you clearly did some misdeed that caused the breakup, you may have to live with it. That person may not trust you again. If you have not done anything of that sort, and you are blaming your self for something minor like "saying was instead of were." Then, you need to access if that person has some deeper issue that may not have anything to do with you directly. If they have issues, it is best to let them have the space to address them. It may take years. There is a song which has the lyric, "I can't make you love me, if you don't. You can't make your heart feel something it won't." You can give of yourself and offer your love and support. If that person does not, can not, or will not love you back, then there is nothing you can do about it. That is their choice. And you really do not want them unless they truly loved you in return, right? Now, do not think ill of that person. The care that person has for you may be all they have to give and they are just being honest. Now back to you. I am of the belief that "Love Never Fails." I believe that once you love someone it does not die. But I believe that love is about giving and not getting. You must give them their request. That is in many ways a great gift of love, a gift of respect. You will have to go on. Time will heal you wounds. Allow yourself to sorrow and feel the pain now for the time of grief will pass. You will learn to live with the loss. You will always love that person, but that does not mean you will not love again!

 

14. You have no choice but to get over this person... let them go and move on.

The answer is that there is no remedy or procedure to get over someone completely. It is not as simple as performing a few tasks or reading a certain book. From my experience only time will assist you in getting over a love in your life. Now the trick is this person must me completely out of your life to completely get over him or her. If this person remains in your life then time will never start the healing process. It took me exactly one year to get over someone I loved very much. It can be done, and in life this process can happen more than once, so learn from the mistakes you make in one relationship and apply them to the next.

 

15. Surround yourself in mates, journals journals journals, I play guitar which helps, and something really important; at least for a while, ALLOW yourself to be depressed, its inevitable your going to be! so fighting it just gets you mad and frustrated. Music helps A LOT.

The main advice I can give, which isn't much at this stage, is FOCUS. That's what you need. For days I was sitting around at home crying and getting stressed, I became depressed, couldn't eat and my dreams were haunted by my ex. But I got a job, decided to start work out and begun to get focused on life.

"You never stop loving someone; you just learn to live without them."

 

16. Free your mind from worries. Live simple. Give more. Expect less.

 

17. There is no easy way to get over someone, but you will get over them. The time it takes varies from person to person and depends on how close you were to the person you're trying to get over with. It's hard work to get over someone. The reason is you have to begin weeding them out of your life, and stop contacting them if you are, if they keep contacting you, then take longer and longer to get back to them. Remember to remain detached. Over time you'll go through the different stages of feeling where you get to the point of anger, in that you begin asking yourself, "why am I continuing to beat myself up over someone who clearly isn't interested, if they were, they're not anymore, I've done everything I can to show I'm interested and I keep getting knocked down." You will realize it's not worth it. Life is too short and their are millions of people out there, one who will love you completely, the way you love them. If you made some mistakes in the previous union, you'll know what they are and will do your best to avoid doing them again.

 

18. Forget about him for a while and get a new bf. Just say u have never met the guy u love and say that u love him more. Then kiss him and go up to who ever u like and, "do u wanna go out again or not because I am in love with u so much that i cant stay away from u." Then say (if u want to or not) "Ill do anything for u".

Maybe you should really think, are they the one for me, and do i really love them?

 

19. I know that when you love someone it's always going to be hard getting over them, especially when they loved you too. like for instance i once dated this guy 5 times and we were in love but every time we had a fight we broke up and most of the time the fights were for very stupid things. and i right now have a new boyfriend and he loves me but I'm not sure i love him because i still love my ex but he now loves my best friend and it has been a long time since i last dated him and in that period of time he had 3 girlfriends and i have only had 1 boyfriend and the 3 people he dated were all my best friends and now he is currently single but like a ton of people like him so i would totally recommend to get a new boyfriend and if that doesn't help try talking to him and telling him how you really feel or you could always try to look your very hottest and that may help but its not the best approach also you could try to flirt with him but don't make it too obvious and while your flirting with him make a few jokes and if he laughs you laugh too and see if he can make you feel like your walking on air and if he doesn't get a new boyfriend

Try to forget him/her and distract yourself.

 

20. Spend time with your same-sex friends, watch TV or movies, read books. Under no circumstance have contact with him/her. That means no texts, no face-to-face contact, no email, no social networking, nothing. If you're close friends, just avoid him/her. Next, try to find someone else, not necessarily to replace them, but just so you can have feelings for someone else. Don't have a one-time fling, however.

 

21. The thing you should ask yourself is if it's necessary that the person whom you love should always love you back?

 

22. If you love someone then you should know that you would never force your love to do something... these things are always natural which comes with the glimpse of feelings and you have to give time... everything will be alright.

 

23. You don't, I guess; you just sort of learn to live with it. And if you can't, then just try to suck it up.

 

Yes. You can love this person - not be in love with them. Think of the negatives about that person, think of better people out there, think that this person isn't worth your time. People say it helps to get another partner. Most importantly, pray to get over this person so you can move on.

 

24. Try your best to forget about that person. It may seem hard, but there are ways to forget the person by trying to go out more often with other friends, making a new hobby, or simply just meeting new people. Another good way is to avoid communicating with the person as much as possible - no texting or calling them.

 

25. Time. Everything takes time. Either way, it'll take a lot of time if you really love him. Don't harm yourself either. It's not worth it. Just try to get rid of everything and anything that reminds you of him/her and try to stay away.

 

Personally, I find that you don't. No matter how long you wait, you will always love them just that little bit!

 

Well I have got over my first love by meeting someone new and much better. Now I'm so glad that I am over him and am in love with someone 10 times better!!

 

It is not a problem to allow someone to leave your life... know in your heart YOU are better off! I have learned this and learned self respect as well! I am deeply in love now and I am loved beautifully in return! We each have someone out there! KNOW THAT and LOVE YOURSELF!

 

26. If this person that you are referring to is not reciprocating the love you have to offer, it would be best to do everything you can to forget this person instead. This way you are doing yourself a big favor and saving yourself from heartache. You can start by making yourself busy with other productive things, like work or engage yourself in a new business venture you know you can handle. Time will pass and you will see that you have completely gotten yourself over this person.

 

 

I think you should take it a day at a time, see if they still want to be your friend. If you can't be with them the next best thing is to be friends.

 

You need to start going out with your friends have a good time and hopefully you will forget all about him

[Bunney]

I read this, (well maybe 75%), I still want to post on eNA though

[jjcool00]

More than half of it doesn't even make sense lol...

[thelastsong]

I know all of these things, but it really doesn't take the pain away. I know in my mind that he's gone, I should move on, I deserve better, etc., but the heart is an entirely different matter which does not respond to logic. Trust me, if I could reason away the pain, I would.

 

ENA is a tremendous help because my friends and family are very tired of me still mourning the relationship. They don't want to hear me talk about it anymore. It's kind of nice to see that even though I'm hurting, there are people on ENA who understand and are feeling the same things as me.

 

It really is about getting over the other person. I don't have low self-esteem. I'm a smart, witty, attractive young woman, and I know I could easily replace my ex. But my ex was also my closest friend, and I just miss hanging out with him, watching movies, going out with our friends, even sitting at home and debating grammar rules. It's not that easy to just "logic" yourself out of it.

[okiedokiestomp]

Is it me or by point 18 did this person regress in age? the first half had some good points, although I've read similar thoughts throughout eNA on various posts all over this board.

 

seriously point 18 "Forget about him for a while and get a new bf. Just say u have never met the guy u love and say that u love him more. Then kiss him and go up to who ever u like and, "do u wanna go out again or not because I am in love with u so much that i cant stay away from u." Then say (if u want to or not) "Ill do anything for u".

 

[shuttlefish]

Article desperately in search of an editor. 26 points? What is this, instructions on constructing a nuclear power plant? This could be summed up in 7 to 12 points.

 

It has value but people get overwhelmed with this much text. Break it up with some charts and graphs, open with a joke and never more than 12 points (at the very most, ideally should be 7)

[Baudilaire]

Hahaha at the above. Very good point shuttlefish and okiedokiestomp

[Mellie]

Because, of course, wikipedia is the font of all knowledge. Oh no wait, anyone can write on there, I remember now.

 

It's kinda rude to post on a forum telling people not to visit that forum (speaking as someone who runs a forum). Inevitably people drop out of here as they heal and move on. It's not something that should be forced or rushed though. And a lot of folks stick around long after and talk others off their virtual cliffs. Kudos to them for that.

 

My two penneth: this forum provides a lot of sound advice (to those prepared to listen) and at the very least, serves as an outlet to vent your frustration and get things off of your chest without channelling that in a potentially damaging direction. And best of all, unlike those crappy ebooks and standard advice, it does all of this for free with the advice/soundboard being hosted by those who are experiencing/have experienced similar heartbreak. There ain't no ebook/wikipedia entry in the world that can provide that.

[NoDice]

This is good for a bit but, it seems like a caution sign, don't post here I have the answers type deal... I don't want a road map, I don't want a sign, I just want peoples opinions, are you a mod? Seriously don't play god when wolves are in the throne room.

[Sim54]

'There is nothing wrong with you.'

 

Hmm, sorry, but I've met a LOT of people, me included, who have something wrong with them. It's easy to blame other people for why our relationships fail, but it's OUR responsibility that our relationships fail, no-one else's. They're too busy wrecking there own to bother with ours.

 

[Sanity]

Not to pour cold water but wiki doesn't always mean facts. I don't think anything can be facts in relation to moving on. We're all different.

[dave cat]

Another how-to (but not all good) but isn't it the same as any other good advice.

Time WILL heal and you need to fill your time in a positive way as much as you possibly can.

To get over someone (or even get back with them) you have to essentially abandon all hope, which is so anti-intuitive and completely against human nature.

Time will get you through and you will survive.. You're meant to be great and you will be.

[endy]

Some of that post was garbage. It actually advised to get into a rebound and then I stopped reading it. Best thing to do is love yourself, people get there all sorts of ways. Put yourself on a pedestal and stay there. It takes time, and you shouldn't ever keep your feelings in either. Let them out and think about them.

 

It actually also advised to distract yourself by constantly keeping yourself busy with tv and other garbage. That leads to repression of thoughts which can lead to depression. Although I think you should be active, you still need to take time for yourself and to deal with your emotions and feelings.