emotional wreck

[stlewis1218]

So i took my time posting something like this because i thought i was getting better over the last week, and now i here i am ready to break down. Someone already posted to something like the way I'm feeling to a tee. This girl and i have been off again on again for almost the last 9 years. I know I'll get flak for this, i get plenty from my friends. We've both dated between each other and slept with other people. The relationship wasn't healthy, i know. And familiarity made it to easy. we finally tried living together and it didn't work, and tried to see each other more time this summer. It all kept falling part, Insert no duh here. Even though its blatantly obvious this needed to end, she's been my whole life, the length of our relationship spans more time than most marriages now a days, and can't help but remember all the time we spent together. This has me feel cruel and insecure. I no longer have the confidence to talk to women unless approached, and that doesn't happen with me. I'm angry, bitter, paranoid and stressed. The biggest thing plenty of people say is to sleep with someone and it makes it easier. I still feel like I'm doing something wrong by considering it. I have dreampt about this chick almost every night for the past two weeks. I even feel * * * * * y towards my friends, like I'm being let down. Unreturned phone calls, lengths of time where no one calls me i call them. i keep a relatively small circle and trying to build but my paranoia has me in an instant gratification need. I know i'm asking for it when i post this, I try to talk myself through it, and i know the answers but i won't listen to myself. I'm looking for advice or just something. Thanks for your time

[NoDice]

I am sorry to hear of your situation, keep your head high though. Who broke up with who?

I would say don't sleep with anyone else just yet, man I learned the hard way that all it does is make you miss her more and most of the time treat the new girl or bed buddy like a piece of meat.

My mind chews itself up about her daily, I get all messed up when I think I see her or someone like her, I break down and lock myself in for a while.

It is rough, just know that this had to happen, that there is some lesson you are suppose to endure through this, summer would be such a bummer without winter. I say focus on yourself like no other, get fit, read up on some stuff you want do with your life, limit how much you talk about her to your friends because mine ignore me when it is too much, I reply scenario after scenario with them, what if's, and ego boosting "It's her loss, shes nuts, she won't find better" rants.

 

I cry it out every morning, write down what I would say to her, and push on through...it gets better, one day everything will fall into place, it is a rocky road but the journey is worth it.

[stlewis1218]

You don't know how much that means to me. it made me upset, but its nice to hear it from someone else. Ps- the last 9 years have been me and, this summer has been all her. A lot of it has to do with how unfair i was. She was this incredibly nice, intelligent girl, a little needy, a time hog. the usual. But she was sweet. The one things i can;t do is blame her, as much as being negative about it would make it easier, this one's just not in the cards.

[NoDice]

How old are you two? if thats appropriate...

Btw if you have any take on my current situation go for it.

 

Just think that your next love is going to be beyond your wildest dreams, it helps me get through everyday.

[stlewis1218]

shes 26, I'm 25. we talked about commitment for the longest time and i wasn't ready, now that i was ready over this summer, she's not, she doesn't trust me.

 

About the best advice I've gotten that I've taken to heart is " regret is a useless emotion in hindsight of a failed relationship. " its kinda helped me keep a clear head. The last few weeks have felt like an uncomfortable buzz that won't go away. But yeah saying that to myself for some reason sort of helped. I've definitely taken to the what if scenarios, which is really bad. trying to avoid them by keep myself busy, video games, movies, just in general making myself do stuff i don't feel like regardless. The gym especially. I also have tried joining a club at school.

 

whats your situation? I think that's the beauty of this, the anonimity(spelled wrong i know) of internet, i can post this and not feel overly desparate.

Have you had any luck in meeting anyone?

I know its early for me, I'm also trying to keep female company with no pressure of a relationship which helps sometimes. Something i never got to do with her.

[NoDice]

Okay I am 28 and she is 27 my story , I am just wondering to be able to relate..

Keeping busy is hard on me as I recently lost a job, but picked up a part time one. But yeah anything and everything to keep myself occupied, I am still haunted but I know that what is meant to be will be.

As for meeting anyone, its only been 10 days since the most recent BU.. the first time around I was talking to a nice girl just for female company and maybe more later on, then the ex came rearing her head..only for me to get back with her..I informed the new girl of this and since we were just talking as friends she was totally cool and wished me the best, I am in contact with her again but shes super busy in school now. It takes time, I couldn't care less if my ex has moved on, she didn't last time, so why now? she likes alone time.

 

I can only hope for the best for me and you, because it sucks so much, the parts of the day where I am feeling good are erased the next morning it seems crying into my pillow asking why?

[stlewis1218]

I ask myself the same question every night. I have a pizza delivery job with school. I've spent many a year being the delivery guy. So everything goes on auto pilot when i drive. That's my break down point. I'm alone when i would usually be talking to her, I'm leaving for work in the less an hour and we close at midnight. So i know the one or two days of the weekend i could spend hanging out with friends most is taken up by a job i resent. You and I are initially in the same boat paddling along, barely, ready to take these people back into our lives at a single syllable. We both need to get over it. Its simple, what will be will be but i think we both delude our ability to move on by wishful thinking. My break up was two weeks yesterday, sad that I'm counting, but you know where i am. I definitely lack the compassion to commit to to anyone know, which is a given, but i wonder if i will ever get it back. I don't even feel that attracted by anyone right now. I had the opportunity to talk to this chick in my bio class, point blank, and bottomed out. barely a word. In regard to my ex, I do wonder what she thinks, we spent the last few years with me calling it off, her taking me back, and now the tables have turned, and it all seems to * * * * ed up to make sense regardless how i piece it. SO its pretty evident they're probably thinking of us regretting something. That doesn't make it ok for us to keep going on it. I'm sure the same goes for you. But remember she's the one that's going back and fourth on you, it was her call and her loss. They always say there's a million fish and the sea, but why here, in these moments does there only seem to be one?

 

good luck- I'll catch you the next time i have the opportunity

[NoDice]

Man stlewis, I don't know how you are doing today but its day 11 and it seems worse than ever. I wish I could just kill the hope, kill the memories, everything, like mental reset. I was going to pm you but it won't let me for some reason.

[NoDice]

Where are all these people who say go have sex with someone because it makes it easier? I'm definitely not one of them.

 

I have no idea, I don't agree with it at all.. I know though dumpers tend to jump into sex to heal more so though.

[pietro5266]

I agree with NoDice -- jumping into sex after a breakup is a bad idea, one that will simply make you feel worse.

 

@stlewis1218, don't kick yourself. Many people, including myself, have gone through this same situation, a sort of limbo where your feelings and her's are never at the same place at the same time, or you reach a certain point with your feelings, but it just doesn't go far enough (the latter is one I've dealt with recently myself). None of this is easy, or straight-forward -- feelings don't work that way. I'm not a big fan of this, but that's just the way it is. You have to simply accept it, and move on if that's what you believe is best, even if it's only your best guess.

 

As far as "paranoia", I think it's a common feeling for many people after a break-up -- you feel incredibly alone, suddenly your mind begins saying "what if all of my friends want to abandon me?", etc. It's like the old Doors song "People Are Strange". If your friends are truly being non-supportive, then you should find new, better friends. All of this can be done -- it's miserable, and, at times, you'll feel like you're going to die. But it will get better, you'll recover, and you'll be much stronger in the future. Good luck.

[stlewis1218]

its been posted by a couple step by step advice columns. been said by friends. I'm on your side. Still can't get her out of my head at night...Trying audio books while at work to fill the talk time i'd usually have with her in the car...It kinda works, not all the time. Once in a while driving i think i might see her car, have once...the blood feels like it just drains right out of my chest. I'm trying to free myself from her thought, but i doubt it'll happen any time soon. I sorry things aren't going easy for you. Wish i was one these people that could just move on like that, but maybe its to our benefit, i believe in my devotion, one day we'll find someone who will appreciate it.

[Flannel PJ]

Hey, give yourself time to heal. Nine years is a long time to have a relationship even if it was on and off. If you weren't feeling upset, there would be something wrong with you. As for sex, yeah it would serve a a release, but think of the other person; would it be really fair? It's when you don't think of her that you are ready to move on. As for now, know that it's okay to go down. Time will heal.

[NoDice]

its been posted by a couple step by step advice columns. been said by friends. I'm on your side. Still can't get her out of my head at night...Trying audio books while at work to fill the talk time i'd usually have with her in the car...It kinda works, not all the time. Once in a while driving i think i might see her car, have once...the blood feels like it just drains right out of my chest. I'm trying to free myself from her thought, but i doubt it'll happen any time soon. I sorry things aren't going easy for you. Wish i was one these people that could just move on like that, but maybe its to our benefit, i believe in my devotion, one day we'll find someone who will appreciate it.

 

I feel you, Nights and Mornings are the hardest for me, work doesn't keep me busy enough and when I am out and about I think I see her. And most likely the same hot poker to the chest feeling. It is funny because I was doing this nearly two months ago right before she came back, now everything seems final, but damn if there isn't something in me that says "she will come around, she will realize, she isn't that confused".. audio books are good, as horrible as it sounds when my mind is like "Oh she is so happy now without me, she doesn't hurt, she doesn't miss me, no regrets" I know someone said we can't know for sure and it most likely isn't that cut and dry, if I villanize her in my mind, getting gangbanged by a bunch of random dudes, * * * * ting it out, telling her friends lies about me to justify the second break up..It hurts but I want nothing to do with that so it makes it easier..is that insane? She f'ed me up real good this time around..serious "I want to work on this, I will work on this, I promise" 24 hours later "I am not willing to even try, sorry".

[stlewis1218]

Same general thoughts. (Is shes really over it) (does she wonder if it could be better this time if she actually gave a a chance and time?) We need to stop conceiving these thoughts, its slowing us down. If anything it makes me blind. I just got thoroughly angry. I realized i had it really good just 5 months ago, then i moved out on her, she didn't want to try and make it work again, but we tried again. then i switched out of a really easy going, good money job. that put a stress on things, I'm on my 3rd job since the summer started, and my boss is a * * * * . I've been trying to adjust but he's just an ass giving me hard time about small * * * * while these other assholes stand around with there thumb up there buts while bust my ass. Now i'm pretty sure they won't see me the next day i'm scheduled. All i want to do is catch a break, yes i know, I'm starting to sound whiney, but christ I just want to finish my last two semesters and leave this god forsaken area, stop seeing her face around. Everythings was good, but i wasnt content, i ahjd to * * * * it up.

 

ps-just realized how much was censored- its been a bad day.

[Di84]

Hey -

I know how you're feeling, I felt that way exactly when my 4 year relationship ended. I look back at my posts in the beginning of our breakup last year and cannot believe the progress i've made in my healing, however the pain was real and i will never forget what it felt like. I'm gonna be honest with you now... there is absolutely nothing right now and for a while (for me a year) that will make you feel better. Sex with a new person won't change anything either. Your best friend right now is time. You need to ride the waves of emotional turbulance and be strong. Breakdown as much as you need to but when you find yourself obsessing about it tell yourself to stop and try to distract yourself. I know right now you don't see the light at the end of the tunnel...but when you do get through this after time has passed, you will be a better person. You will have learned so many new things about yourself. Believe and know that you will be ok. It's just a matter of time and unfortunately sometimes the the pain feels never ending but one day you will wake up and the pain won't be there anymore. I promise.

[stlewis1218]

The last few days i feel like I'm coming out of detox, Not great but clean. I still miss her and probably won't stop. Not feeling as paranoid, but still a little bored. I need a job with more interaction then I'm getting so I am again looking for a new job. Everyday i still think it might be nice to get a call or casual text, i think about how it was our routine and now i think that's what i miss most, almost acknowledgment. I am getting better and i thank the people on here who so are supportive. Its helped immensely and will most likely suggest this to anyone i come accross who has the same problems. The advice is pretty much what everyone already says, but the continued encouragements and thoughtful words give a nice push in the right direction. NoDice, hope things are going well I also tried PM'ing you but wasn't sure how. Hang in there man!

[NoDice]

Man, I feel like I am in detox as well, the most beautiful/charming/made for me girl is gone..its like rough seas with the anchor buried. I remind myself of certain things these days, drinking helps for a quick minute but the mornings make me long for her touch, her voice, whispering in my ear that I am amazing, the greatest love shes ever had. I did my best man, thats all I can do, and that is all I will leave it with. Man seriously I made a list of our good times and bad, and the good times out weighed the bad 3 to 1.. I guess we must just take it for what it is, what is meant to be will be, just keep positive thoughts and feelings flowing, life sucks sometimes but we are human and we are here for some reason not to suffer so there is light at the end. Also man if it makes you feel better watch the youtube(Dry your eyes-The streets).. She was my ideal and that is hard to let go of but she walked away, in your situation you were calibrating, don't contact, don't do anything, if they want anything to do with us they will let us know at that point if ever, until then I write down what I want in my "perfect" match, that girl if she is my ex, or is a new gal, will shine like a million burning suns when she is ready and if it isn't our ex then our exes will be burned alive with that and we will finally be free and realize. I don't hat her I just wish she would take breaths when loe was in the air. We deserve the best, seriously we do. Much love.

[stlewis1218]

Not crying anymore but man...last night. I dreamed of her all night, what the hell. We argued, and in dream two, i found out she left me for someone. I tend to have instincts of true things that I have no evidence of, at least with her i do. Sounds out there i know, but i love how your dreams can try and drag you back to the start line.