What leads a woman to pick one guy over another .... ?

[Ocean of Blue]

Would like some insight.

 

If a girl is dating two guys, non exclusively at the same time, what leads her to pick one man over the other?

 

If any ladies on enotalone could share their experiences that would be of great help !

[laura40]

Around 3 years ago I was dating two guys at the same time. I wasn't "exclusive" with either.

 

I didn't have to choose though, one of the guys was just after some fun, so I didn't bother with him anymore.

[whes]

I think the answer to that is completely unpredictable and wholly dependent upon the girl and the guys she is dating. Simply, she will pick the guy she likes better.

[Real Deal]

I know you asked the ladies but it's simple - she'll pick the one she has more attraction for. This may take her a while in some cases but she will almost always be more attracted to one vice the other, even if the difference is slight. So, the real question is what makes a guy the most attractive to women? Simple, it varies widely but the big ones are being confident, having his sh&t together and non-needy. Of course these factors do not fit in a box as what a 20 yr old may find attractive may repulse a 40 yr old. Long story short, there is no clear cut answer that applies accross the board........

[Tanzi]

Chemistry!

[shuttlefish]

Trying to understand women are you? Good luck on that. Go read Ulysses by James Joyce translated into Ancient Greek, in braille - it will be easier. Women are emotional creatures, the only person who understands them are themselves (and even that is iffy)

[22n32]

chemistry is one... attraction, wants, belifs.. but it is very complex..

 

i believe timing is also big.. were are two people in there journey of life and what do they really want out of it..

[Day_Walker]

Her own experiences and preferences lead her to pick one guy over the other one.

[Batya33]

Would like some insight.

 

If a girl is dating two guys, non exclusively at the same time, what leads her to pick one man over the other?

 

If any ladies on enotalone could share their experiences that would be of great help !

 

I picked my now husband because the other guy was acting in an insecure way after only 3 or 4 dates. I continued to date him and he promised to work on his behavior. It improved for one date or so and then got worse again. Yes, I felt more chemistry with my husband than I did with this guy but the insecurity issues were happening before I reconnected with my husband (we had dated 8 years previously so I already knew him well). If the guy hadn't behaved in that way it's possible that by the time my husband and I decided to get back together, 3 weeks later, I might have actually been more serious with that guy.

[thejigsup]

Trying to understand women are you? Good luck on that. Go read Ulysses by James Joyce translated into Ancient Greek, in braille - it will be easier. Women are emotional creatures, the only person who understands them are themselves (and even that is iffy)

 

I think it must be you. I have dated several men who understood me perfectly and I understood them, also. We are all human and hate pain, love people who treat us nicely, like warmth, hate indefference, etc... Women feel most of the same things men do, it's just that we are taught to go with our emotions and accept them and men are taught the opposite. I have always admired men for their pragmatism and have always admired women for their warmth and caring. There is good in both, but you have to TRY to understand the other sex and sometimes that means moving out of your comfort zone, for BOTH sexes.

[Ocean of Blue]

I picked my now husband because the other guy was acting in an insecure way after only 3 or 4 dates. I continued to date him and he promised to work on his behavior. It improved for one date or so and then got worse again. Yes, I felt more chemistry with my husband than I did with this guy but the insecurity issues were happening before I reconnected with my husband (we had dated 8 years previously so I already knew him well). If the guy hadn't behaved in that way it's possible that by the time my husband and I decided to get back together, 3 weeks later, I might have actually been more serious with that guy.

 

Thats interesting. How was this guy insecure? What did he say or do that made you feel that way?

[shuttlefish]

I think it must be you. I have dated several men who understood me perfectly and I understood them, also. .

 

This is known as anecdotal evidence. History, literature and indeed this forum itself shows ample evidence that men have problems understanding the actions of women. So, no, it's not "just me". But thanks

[Mesemene]

I picked my now husband because the other guy was acting in an insecure way after only 3 or 4 dates. I continued to date him and he promised to work on his behavior. It improved for one date or so and then got worse again. Yes, I felt more chemistry with my husband than I did with this guy but the insecurity issues were happening before I reconnected with my husband (we had dated 8 years previously so I already knew him well). If the guy hadn't behaved in that way it's possible that by the time my husband and I decided to get back together, 3 weeks later, I might have actually been more serious with that guy.

 

I dated three guys briefly, and very similar experience for me.

 

Guy #1 (we'll call him Bob) was a college classmate who hadn't expressed interest before, asked me out, and I was like "sure, why not?" Well, our "date" consisted of him pretty much saying "whatever you want is fine with me!" He wouldn't offer any opinions or real input into anything much, and afterwards he was sending me lavender roses in class, cards, notes, professing his undying affections. Bob dug his own grave.

 

Guy #2 (let's call him Bill) was a friend of a friend. I didn't know him all that well, but he was nice, intelligent, and seemed to have enough interests in common to chance a date. We were having a great time, went to a local park that was hosting a festival, and it was a gorgeous day. Hey, this had potential! Until we sat down in the grass, I presumed to eat - and he's immediately on top of me shoving his hand up my skirts and not listening to "oh heck NO." Goodbye, Bill.

 

Guy #3 (let's call him Joe) was a pal I'd never even LOOKED at except as a friend - but he had a great sense of humor, and when he asked me out, it made me re-evaluate him. We ended up dating exclusively (with some on and off bumps in the road) for around 5 years. He wasn't afraid to offer suggestions, opinions, or put himself out there - but he wasn't insecure and didn't have any "what a jerk!" alarms - and the spark was definitely there. It was kind of funny and interesting to me, since I was so unaware of him as a "guy" before he made his move.

 

The spark might've been there with Bill, except I'm not fond of being pressured - and Bob, well I can't stand someone who is so insecure they won't speak their own mind - I can talk to a mirror if I want someone to agree with me, and get a puppy if I want to give commands and have them immediately obeyed.

[Jetta]

I picked my ex-husband over my guy friend who made a pass at me, because he had the same name as my brother and in the heat of passion I couldn't imagine saying my brother's name. Also because he was still in college, I had a child and I didn't want to ruin his life. Turned out his ex-wife screwed him over anyway and now our daughters are friends and that ship has sailed, though thinking about him now personality wise he was a better match for me and he was the only one who tried to convince me my now ex husband was not a good match for me. Really wish I would have listened though I love my daughter and wouldn't have had her if I didn't screw up somewhere along the line.

[Batya33]

Thats interesting. How was this guy insecure? What did he say or do that made you feel that way?

 

He called/e-mailed too much, and made comments that showed he was insecure about my being active on a dating site (I made it clear I needed time to decide whether to be exclusive) and he talked about other women who had shown interest in him (sometimes IMing me on the dating site to share that information). He peeked into my purse, saw business cards there and asked why I'd gotten cards from a social event I'd been to (or something like that -he was concerned I guess that I'd met other men at this event - I had and had the cards for business purposes actually). And he acted in a clingy/needy way too much of the time.

[Ocean of Blue]

He called/e-mailed too much, and made comments that showed he was insecure about my being active on a dating site (I made it clear I needed time to decide whether to be exclusive) and he talked about other women who had shown interest in him (sometimes IMing me on the dating site to share that information). He peeked into my purse, saw business cards there and asked why I'd gotten cards from a social event I'd been to (or something like that -he was concerned I guess that I'd met other men at this event - I had and had the cards for business purposes actually). And he acted in a clingy/needy way too much of the time.

 

That's a shame. Yeah, neediness kills attraction. If a man told you that he is getting mixed vibes (ie he isn't sure whether you like him or not, providing he has a good reason ) would you consider that needy or something else?

[Batya33]

That's a shame. Yeah, neediness kills attraction. If a man told you that he is getting mixed vibes (ie he isn't sure whether you like him or not, providing he has a good reason ) would you consider that needy or something else?

No not at all but if a response is given and then it is asked constantly after that can become annoying. In my situation I told him I wanted to date him for closer to 2 months before deciding on getting serious. We were seeing each other about twice a week. This was before I had any idea my husband and I were going to start dating again although we had seen each other (platonically) by that point. I was also going on dates with other men as well.

[Ocean of Blue]

No not at all but if a response is given and then it is asked constantly after that can become annoying. In my situation I told him I wanted to date him for closer to 2 months before deciding on getting serious. We were seeing each other about twice a week. This was before I had any idea my husband and I were going to start dating again although we had seen each other (platonically) by that point. I was also going on dates with other men as well.

 

Thanks for the insight.

[thebluest]

Until this year I've always been a monogamous dater (even when it's casual, I really only date one person at once because I just can't get into the frame of mind of dating multiple people simutaneously).

 

At the moment though, I'm seeing 2 guys and I've been asked out by a third, so apparently I've hit some kind of dating peak and men are just popping out of the woodwork lol.

 

I've only had one date with each of the two guys I'm seeing, and I already feel a strong pull towards one. The other one I'm attracted to, and I can see myself dating him for a while, but his long-term plans feel so unstable to me (he wants to be an actor/entertainer). I don't know if I can look down the track and one day live with this guy or have kids with him when he's not financially stable despite his dreams. The other guy has a stable job, but a love of life that really takes my fancy, I can see myself traveling the world with him, and I felt more of an instinctual connection.

 

For me, at this early stage of dating, I'd still like to see both again and see if my opinion still holds true.