Going crazy

[people500]

Hi everyone, I need some advice. I'm gay and have aspergers. I have a harder time making friends so I decided to join some dating sites. I've made a few friends on there, but I'm still pretty lonely. There's been a couple of guys who I talked to on there and it all seems well and then we meet in person. We seem to have a good time, and then I never hear from them again. That's where I'm having problems. I consider myself a really good and caring person, and people tell I'm cute once in a while. I've been able to handle the rejection, but the more it happens the harder it's getting. I always send them nice messages and then I don't hear back. Well one guy emailed me tonight and told me I'm not his type (we were only friends). I really broke down from that. I have always felt that a lot of people don't care for me, so to keep hearing this is making me feel really bad about myself. No one at work wants to hang out with me either, outside of the job. I kind of feel like I'm from another planet. My parents are moving to India in a few months. All this stuff is really putting me in a lot of stress.

 

One thing I keep doing is messaging these guys and telling them how I feel. I sent one tonight and told them they all have really hurt my feelings. I know I shouldn't be doing this, but I'm having a hard letting go. I just wish they would would want to get to know me. I'm always checking my email and hoping to get a nice message from them. So basically I'm losing my mind from this. I want to stop going on these sites and stop worrying if anyone emailed me. I feel like I'm kind of getting addicted to this online stuff. Can you guys give me some advice on this? Thanks so much!

[offplanet]

While you're in this very vulnerable state, its not such a good idea to keep putting yourself out there on the dating site and facing possibly more rejection, which would be too hard for you to take at the moment. Its a very tough situation for anyone to put themselves into, to put themselves out there to be appraised and judged by strangers. It was a good positive step for you to try it in the first place, but it seems that now it would be good for you to step back from 'the online stuff' before you get any further into it. Its not the place for someone in a very vulnerable state of mind. Its like you're putting (in your own mind) your self worth on the line, and if someone accepts you, you're ok, if someone rejects you, you're (in your own mind) 'worthless". Your self worth does not hinge on the opinions of any of those people. Further, when someone is vulnerable and desperately wanting/ needing love and affection, that tends to turn the average person away. That's why I say, don't go on the net in this state of mind, because, sad to say, it will probably only lead to more rejections and thus more despair. I'm sorry I can't advise you as to a different avenue for meeting prospective friends or lovers, but hopefully someone else can.

[Homiyana]

Have you taken some advice from any doctor... what have they told you to do? Try to follow him.. You will be okay soon.. All the best friend

[people500]

@ offplanet thank you, you made a lot of sense. It's true, I do take that stuff personally. I do let these guys (who are bascially strangers) make me feel awful about myself.

Luckliy I did make a few friends on there who do want to get to know me, so it wasn't a complete waste.

 

@Homiyana No I haven't been to any doctors. I've gone to theaphy in the past. Like you said I'll be ok, I just wish things would work out better for me.

[offplanet]

@ offplanet thank you, you made a lot of sense. It's true, I do take that stuff personally. I do let these guys (who are bascially strangers) make me feel awful about myself.

Luckliy I did make a few friends on there who do want to get to know me, so it wasn't a complete waste.

 

@Homiyana No I haven't been to any doctors. I've gone to theaphy in the past. Like you said I'll be ok, I just wish things would work out better for me.

 

I go to a good NLP therapist who also does guided meditation. It helps me enormously with change of attitude re myself and other people. I don't know if you could afford someone like that or not. That's great you did meet some people who want to get to know you. You sound very nice, so there's no reason you won't succeed in finding those who will like and appreciate you. Try whatever avenues you can find to help you with self growth. It's exciting to grow and change. All the best, Offplanet.