27-year old virgin - and I'm going insane, how do I keep it together?

[Salucious]

This is kinda long, so kudos to whoever makes it through the whole thing, but I'd appreciate any input/advice

 

So I'm 27 years old and I'm still a virgin, also never dated and never been kissed. I know, it is rare and no one more than I finds it to be very strange, trust me. It's not because of religious reasons like waiting for marriage (Atheist) and I'm not necessarily waiting for the "right one." Not that I'm going for a one night stand, I just want to experience a dating life (meet many types of women). I don't have the best confidence level, and it started from an early age, probably around 10 or so. I've always been pretty short (5'5") and it hurt my confidence for a long time, and it still often does. It's mostly bothered me since most women always want a guy to be significantly taller than them (closer to 6' and taller) because it makes them feel protected and feminine. So you can imagine how discouraging it is to know that most women dont' feel feminine around me.

 

But that's not the biggest issue to my confidence level. I think it is primarily my being socially inept/awkard. Since I was young (around 13/14) I just kinda assumed I wouldn't fit in with social groups so I never really made attempts to be social (going to parties, school dances, etc.). So I kind of missed out on a lot of the social experiences of teenage years (including dating girls). I did have friends, but as we got older and they started dating, having more mature relationships I kind of got left behind. I kept thinking "don't worry about it, you're still young it will happen" So I didn't think going to college a virgin/no experience with girls was a big deal. But college ended up being a similar experience. Now don't get me wrong, I became MUCH more social as a result of going to college but as far as making relationships with girls it just never happened. I graduated college having made no progress with girls.

 

Now as for my interaction with girls it isn't like I'm stone-faced and scared straight or anything like that. In fact, there was a girl that I worked with at a temporary job while in college and I felt very comfortable with her, and I was very interested and attracted to her. I asked her out, but got shot down. I felt like crap and really depressed, but I was at least proud of myself for taking some risk. But as the years have gone by since my teen years it seems like I'm more and more worried how I'll be treated by people (meeting new friends) and especially women when/if they realize I have 0 experience with women. It's like I just lost track of time and now I feel totally embarassed to be a 27-year-old virgin.

 

So I know what I need to do to solve my problem:

1. Stop feeling bad for myself

2. Gain confidence

3. Meet more people (especially girls)

 

Now #1 and #2 are sort of "in my head" things to work out. #3 is what I'm most worried about. Especially meeting women and trying to explain after they ask about my past girlfriends or relationship history, or what to do when I finally start a sexual relationship with a girl.

 

I assume women my age and even younger expect any guy they go out with to have some relationship experience, so how would women feel if they find out about my lack of experience?

 

Should I try to find younger girls (20-25) to date, that maybe are not expecting as much experience as a girl my age?

 

I'm living at home until I find a internship/job in my field, but when I do and move somewhere where I need to make friends, how do I deal with worrying about making friends with guys when I have 0 experience with girls? I'm afraid no one would want to be friends with a guy like me due to my lack of girl experience, and I know getting a large social circle is key to meeting girls...

 

Thanks to anyone with the patience to read this to the end

[Princess123]

I think on-line dating is honestly your best bet. You can look for girls on there and check their height out. Some people lie give or take an inch, lol, but you can try to find ones substantially shorter than you. Maybe 5'1 or just under? That way your still taller than them and you can have some confidence.

 

Also with that you can talk to someone over messages and it may make you feel a bit more comfortable talking about yourself. At least this way you can talk back and forth the pressure is off a little.

 

You should go for females you like. Not put an age range well as long as its legal! I think you need someone near your age so they are on a good mature level. I had a friend who was 30 and a virgin he ended up with a 38 year old female. Older women may work out too because they can teach you things.

[LastDays]

I think on-line dating is honestly your best bet. You can look for girls on there and check their height out. Some people lie give or take an inch, lol, but you can try to find ones substantially shorter than you. Maybe 5'1 or just under? That way your still taller than them and you can have some confidence.

 

Also with that you can talk to someone over messages and it may make you feel a bit more comfortable talking about yourself. At least this way you can talk back and forth the pressure is off a little.

 

I echo this. I was 25 when I first started dating, and online dating was how I broke out of my shell (I'm still on both OKCupid and Plenty Of Fish). And while my height doesn't happen to be one of the (many) things that makes me insecure, I do tend to look at the heights of the girls I'm messaging - I usually won't go for anyone who's over 5'6" (I'm just over 5'9").

[Day_Walker]

I think that you are over thinking the issue, the easiest thing for you to do is to go out and make female friends. As far as you being a virgin, that is just the situation so be proud of it, turn it into a positive. As opposed to online dating I would like to see you meet girls in person, and start to develop your process of meeting and talking to women.

[ApocalypseDreams]

I think that you are over thinking the issue, the easiest thing for you to do is to go out and make female friends. As far as you being a virgin, that is just the situation so be proud of it, turn it into a positive. As opposed to online dating I would like to see you meet girls in person, and start to develop your process of meeting and talking to women.

 

I agree with this.

 

I think you should approach this by building friendships with some females. You will learn alot more this way.

[FathomFear]

Yeah, I genuinely feel bad for short straight guys. I've had a few as roommates and I never really appreciated what kind of outright rejection they can face purely because of their height until I viewed it myself first hand. Speaking as a gay man myself, I can honestly say height has little to no impact on how attracted I am to a guy. Not unless he's extremely short or extremely tall, anyway.

 

One of my previous straight buddies who was in this situation found it helpful to really focus on his health/fitness. Getting in shape and getting toned helped him have the physical confidence he needed, and he found it quite a bit of dividends with women as well. And in general he felt more upbeat, had more energy, etc. That's something you might want to try.

[RoxyGril]

I definitely agree with everyone by getting more involved in meeting people. There isn't anything wrong w/ not losing your virginity yet. I can say for myself being a shy person and a bit more reserved, that I didn't get into my 1st serious relationship until I was 21. I didn't date anyone high school but, went on couple of dates after I graduated. My best friend and her bf introduced me to my bf. I can say I was nervous and thought I was going to be way to shy and quiet for him. Though he saw past all that. There is someone out there that is going to see all the qualities that you have to offer and really find a lot of interest in you. Push yourself to meet people and consider what the others have recommended by trying the online dating sites...

[GarnetRed]

This might be weird, but sometimes I wish I meet a guy like you. Virgins may be inexperienced, but they're disease free, which is a good thing! But confidence is important- a guy who can't come out of his shell is a much bigger turn off than being a virgin (at least to me!)

[motley802]

This might be weird, but sometimes I wish I meet a guy like you. Virgins may be inexperienced, but they're disease free, which is a good thing! But confidence is important- a guy who can't come out of his shell is a much bigger turn off than being a virgin (at least to me!)

 

Interesting. Do other girls feel the same? I heard girls like someone really experienced in the bed. And to be frank, not many "good guys" are that experienced in bed. And lot of guys are virgin till mid twenties too.

 

So how do you react if someone tells you that they are virgin during dating period?

[GarnetRed]

Confidence in bed can make a guy good, not just experience. Sex is not rocket science. I'm personally not interested in guys who have been all around the block and back, but then again, I'm not a typical girl, and that just happens to be my preference.

[Princess123]

Some females wont date a virgin if they are insecure of themselves and you can tell this because they will be worried and usually express their concerns of you wanting to explore. The bad side to it is that once you get into your first relationship even if its great, what if you start having the oh what else is out there? The needing to date around thing.

 

Honestly a short guy who is all buffed out looks a lot less confident then a guy who is in shape but not overly excessively. Hard to explain but seeing a guy who tones himself to a certain point is not confidence in my eyes. It looks like he is trying to compensate for his height.

 

The reason I date taller guys is because I like being picked up in those big arms and big hands (that usually go with height).

[igo]

Hey, I am in the same boat so don't feel bad! 27 Virgin / Never kissed (it's not something I go around talking about in public or anything). I am religious but, that's not a good excuse...haha. So there others like you out there.

 

You know I was just focusing on other things (most of the time). Recently I have been in "date/ get a girlfriend" mode. I feel like my confidence has gone way up.

[Salucious]

Some females wont date a virgin if they are insecure of themselves and you can tell this because they will be worried and usually express their concerns of you wanting to explore. The bad side to it is that once you get into your first relationship even if its great, what if you start having the oh what else is out there? The needing to date around thing.

 

Honestly a short guy who is all buffed out looks a lot less confident then a guy who is in shape but not overly excessively. Hard to explain but seeing a guy who tones himself to a certain point is not confidence in my eyes. It looks like he is trying to compensate for his height.

 

The reason I date taller guys is because I like being picked up in those big arms and big hands (that usually go with height).

 

I get why women like guys to be taller than them, but your statement is somewhat contradictory and typical of what I've heard other women say before. You say you like big arms and hands, yet you also say big arms and hands on a shorter guy makes him look like he's compensating. All guys, tall and short, know women like having a strong guy to pick them up, protect them, and make them feel feminine; so they're going to improve themselves to provide them that. By your logic, shorter guys can't make that effort without looking like they're compensating, while taller guys who do the same thing are just acting normally. Tall and short guys work out and improve their physique for the same reasons, to maintain health and look good (for women). I know it is your preference, but what you're doing is producing unfair double standards.

[GarnetRed]

It is possible for a short guy to look fit without looking like he's overcompensating. The trick is to stop before you start looking like a douche.

[Salucious]

It is possible for a short guy to look fit without looking like he's overcompensating. The trick is to stop before you start looking like a douche.

 

Agreed, although attitude will often reflect douche-baggery more effectively than appearance

[LastDays]

There isn't anything wrong w/ not losing your virginity yet.

 

I disagree; I highly regret not losing mine sooner (it means my years of dating beautiful college girls are limited).

[Generation]

Being short is a minor short coming (pun intended). Trust me, I know. I'm only 5'6" myself.

Don't let your teenage years define you. Put that behind you.

 

#3 - go to a night club, or bar.

Yeah, you're not gonna Ms. Salucious, but you might as well try and gain some experience and it's easily accessible. You probably won't get attached too, and that's good too.

Alternatively, try some online dating. It works! Competition is very high though, but that means you'll have to work on yourself.

[jonny15]

Confidence in bed can make a guy good, not just experience. Sex is not rocket science. I'm personally not interested in guys who have been all around the block and back, but then again, I'm not a typical girl, and that just happens to be my preference.

 

 

To be fair, there is no way a guy is gonna be confident in bed unless he has experience there.

[iwishiknew]

You are not alone and I know the feeling. I'm 33 and I never had a date, or a gf or even kissed a girl. I'm shorter than you, I'm only 5'2 and a lot of girls do not like short guys. Being a short guy is very hard getting a date or a gf because a lot of girls want tall guys who are 5'7 and up, which to me is very low and shallow. Being short really narrows the odds for me getting a date or a gf. I was also born with MHE, being short is bad enough but having MHE makes it worse. No girl has ever given me a chance because of my height and looks. I do have confidence and I can go up to any girl I see and talk to them. They do not want to move forward with me because I'm short and different than other guys.