saying nasty things to your ex completely ruin your chances?

[dream222]

Are there any success stories where the dumpee got very angry and said mean things to the dumper who responded badly about it /lost all respect for the ex.

 

Has anyone actually gotten back with their ex after something like this happens? Please share your stories.

 

Is it useful in these cases to actually tell them that you are over the angry phase, maybe thank them because they led you to a stronger self and that you wish them well etc?

[lanaa]

well what did you say we all get angry and say things we dont meant in those situations

[solong123]

Being the dumper who had a dumpee do this to me, if he did ever apologize I would realize he was just hurt and angry at the time but I know I would never the same kind of respect for him anymore, and it'd be near impossible to fix that. Most people can find it in their heart to forgive, but people never forget. And do not thank the person, if my ex said that to me I'd be annoyed wondering why it took saying nasty things to me to "find himself".

[redswim30]

It's never too late to apologize. However, in most cases bashing someone who has dumped you will kill your chances of ever being romantically involved again, even WITH a hefty apology.

[lanaa]

in my case HE was the pig,he was the DUMPER

 

i wasnt mean at all,,but at the end i got mad and startet saying bad things too

 

how about that situation?

[ut804]

Yes. I called my ex fat and a loser (yes I know i am 1000% wrong for saying such mean things). we got back together. so he forgave me for saying such horrible things. (i just ended up breaking up with him again though, i know know, i do feel such guilt and shame to this day)

[Betweenthebars]

One ex broke up with me because his friends pressured him to in high school. I called him a... Well the equivalent of a vagina, lol I can't use the word or it will be blocked out. You get the idea. A few weeks after he came crawling back, but I wasn't having it.

[Thorshammer]

I never got back with an ex because i wasnt interested in them when they came back. I called ex's many names, lol. In my anger I even accused them of a lot things. Break-ups arent easy for anyone, there is no script, emotions runs high and we say things we dont mean. But this is a case by case thing, this is like asking, do people who like apples... eat apple-pie?

 

I know one girl did vanish on me, she did try to get back with me once, but when i turned her down she left forever, the only ex that didnt keep trying. I said something horrible to her because she wanted to act like a kid and attack my self-esteem. I made fun of one of her flaws, if you took it that far, then yes.. she might not come back.

[mrwebcam]

My ex has strung me on for months and just about two weeks ago she tripped out saying she will call police if i contact her again when we were getting along. She is with someone new and she is now into drugs as far as she told me. I lost all my emotions and went of on her calling her fat, the c word, saying she deserved everything to her when she was younger and her teeth and more. I felt so bad afterward cause that is not me, i wrote an apology very lengthy one, and she replied i hurt her unbelievably and she said friends don't say that to friends. I dug my own grave and all chances with her and i feel very remorseful for the things i have said to her. I haven't contacted her in a couple weeks as if she ever forgives me she has my number. I deleted my e-mail so i don't have the urge to contact and make things worse. I hurt her very much but my emotions and anger took over. I lost a friend and a very important person in my life and i just hope she is doing ok and not into the drugs anymore

[lanaa]

I made fun of one of her flaws, if you took it that far, then yes.. she might not come back.

 

 

OMG and i thought my ex was mean haha

[nutbrownhare]

I've only finished relationships when I was 100% sure it was over. It hasn't happened very often, but if the person I've just left then turns and is absolutely vile, it just confirms my impression that I was right to finish it. Also ensures that there's no chance of me retaining any kind of friendship or contact with them either.

[bichin]

I certainly hope being mean will kill any chance with an ex, at one point I was counting on it.

[sada88]

Well, I'm the dumpee if this helps at all in any kind. When my ex broke up with me, he accused me of the most unspeakable acts and whatnot to the point where I was crying in public (I rarely show any emotions due to my profession). Anyway, he contacts me to apologize for everything and to tell me a whole load of nonsense most dumpees would love to hear but he is still with the -insert choice of profanity- that pursued him while he was with me. So...I don't know if that helps at all or not =P. And to be honest, I probably will never get back together with him because of how he chose to end it and why.

 

However, when I was the dumper, I was never unkind or say anything mean to the dumpee. Which I guess...made they more willing to take me back if I ever choose to revisit those doors (and I won't but that is a whole different story).

[dream222]

Ok so my "nasty things" were basically an email telling him he was incapable of acting like a human being after we ended it. I sent this email at 2 am when I went home after having run into him at a party where he acted like he and I were barely acquaintances. Mind you I spent over a year with this guy. I told him I would have hoped that a year with someone would have left a tiny mark in their memory but apparently it wasn't true.

 

He always told me I am insecure, in this email I said he is the real insecure one, that he's a scared little guy who thinks everyone is going to hurt him and never lets himself get close to anyone or trust anyone. That he has been masking his humanly fears and emotions to create this tough-guy image towards everyone and is incapable of caring about anyone other than himself.

 

He dumped me about a month ago saying I am boring and not fun to be around so in the email I told him he has the judgement of a teenager because at almost 30 years old all he wants in a relationship is "fun". This is after I spent the last 4 months in the relationship trying to be by his side to support him and show him I would not leave him even though he was constantly moody and was distancing himself from me more and more, while I was going through some stressful times myself. He has been suffering from depression for a while now but has chosen not to get help. When I did mention that he should seek professional help (when we were still together) he distanced himself from me even more.

 

I feel really bad about sending that email even though what I said is actually mostly true, that he really has trust issues but continues to mask them and that he needs to be real to himself above all. It was only slightly exaggerated by my anger that night. He replied saying once again how I was a boring little girl and made a sarcastic comment about how I should be so happy that I am not with someone as terrible as I had accused him of being. Then closed the email saying I'm going to ignore the rest of your rant.

 

After that email I went NC, even though I have to work closely with him once a week for a few hours. Everytime I have seen him after that first night I have always been upbeat and happy and confident in myself, not faking it but actually feeling it. At one point last week he was joking around with another coworker and he said something about how girls end up hating him, while he was looking at me. Thing is I really don't hate him, and I was thinking maybe I can send him another email saying I do not hate you, I was angry when I sent the first email but I have a better understand now, and that I learned a lot about myself from him and possible say thank you because you led me to the right road to make myself stronger and more confident. I don't want the last communication with him to be an angry one and I certainly don't want him to think of me as a crazy evil person because deep down I do love him and want to re-conciliate.

[LN1987]

I think everyone says things when they are in such an emotional state. My ex ex was so angry at me said a few nasty things, and after 2 years, we are great friends again! Of course I wouldn't hold it against him for saying some mean things, as having recently been dumped, I completely understand where he was coming from. It would be absurd to hold on to a few words that were said, especially seeing as I loved that person, why would I be so petty. But that's just me. I think my recent ex, who dumped me, will hold onto my words and actions for as long as he needs to, so as to justify his decision. It doesn't really bother me now though, as I think it is silly to hold onto words which were obviously said out of such raw emotion and hurt.

[Oneironaut]

Yep. After 5 months of trying to be friends, I wrote a very nasty message to my then-ex on AIM. He didn't read it for almost 6 weeks, during which time we were NC. When he did finally read it, he actually gained a great deal of respect for me for finally speaking my mind instead of being nice all the time...he asked me if I'd be interested in trying again three days later, and now we've been back together for 7 months. We've had a few bumps, but we've gotten through them with open communication and a desire to make it work this time.

[sada88]

I think you should apologize for your words and actions just so his last memories of you are not words spoken in anger. Do you want him back or do you want to be right? There are stories in which the dumpee keys someone's car and they still got back together. There are also stories in which the dumpee hurled abuse + insults and the dumper still got back but at least apologize or do it at the beginning when everything is chaotic. But I do suggest that you leave a slightly bit better impression than words spoken in anger. Even if the words spoken in anger are true or false, they still hurt. And if their ego is already fragile, not what you call the best scenario to get back together.

[somethngwrng]

An ex of mine from a long time back dumped me. I didn't say anything especially mean to her, but one of my IM accounts was left logged in on her PC. When she opened it up one day, she found I'd renamed her to "[another word for prostitute]". I got a message from her saying "I don't care if you think I'm a [another word for prostitute], I still love you" (complete bs message). We tried to reconcile but it didn't take.