had meaningless sex in the past with a girl my current GF knows

[moram]

Hi

 

10 months before I met my GF I had sex only one night with a girl that my current girlfriend knows. She is not her friend but it could happen that they meet in a party because of mutual friends... as it already happened in the past.

 

My question is. Should I tell her? I think the odds are really low the she would find out but I dont know if it is positive or negative to tell her.

 

The other question is that I am new in this city. I dont have many friends and this girl with whom I had sex with lives here and is really one of the few persons I know. I would like to meet her because of that.

 

Second question. Is it bad if I meet her? If I meet her do I definitely need to tell my GF or not about what happened in the past? This other girl is really nothing more than a person I know. I did not want anything more from her in the past and she does not want anything more from me now because she is happy in a relationship.

 

I was thinking about saying the truth and explain why I would like to meet her, but also say that if she does not feel comfortable I will not do it. Or I dont say anything because it was in the past, it meant nothing then and means nothing now. It is just that she is one of the few persons I know here.

[Princess123]

This happened before you were exclusive with your gf so no need to tell her. I don't think you should try to be friends with her, I think you should look elsewhere for that.

[Mesemene]

Ack - touchy situation.

 

And honestly, it's a situation I wouldn't touch, from either end.

 

IF it comes up by any chance, deal with it then, and just tell her "it was almost a year before we met, she has a BF, I have you, and it wasn't significant, we didn't click in a way that led to anything else, so it didn't seem worth mentioning when bringing it up could've made it seem like more than it was, a one night stand."

 

The other girl is in a relationship as well - odds are she doesn't really want any significance attached to it now either.

 

And I wouldn't go out of your way to renew the acquaintance - if you meet by chance it's one thing, but going out of your way could give that one night stand more weight than it warrants and cause issues for both relationships.

 

Look at it this way - if your GF had had a one night stand a year ago - how would you feel about her going out of her way to meet the guy, even as friends? It just strikes me as a pot that doesn't need to be stirred.

[DylanNotorious]

LoL no and no.

 

It's going to open a whole lot of trouble if you do. Give it time, you will make new friends.

[Sillygoose3116]

I agree with this statement for the most part but in all honesty, I don't see the problem with mentioning it. Yes, I am aware of the fact that it happened before you were with her and everything but I am a firm believer of being completely honest from the start. I can see her reaction if it ever came up. I can see her asking, "If it wasn't important, then why not tell me?"

 

It might seem like you were intentionally withholding information from her and believe me I am sure no one likes that.

[WhenWillILove]

It depends on how secure your girlfriend is with herself. I personally am a curious girl and raided my boyfriend's past but I never really got upset by the things he told me. An ex date even texted him and I found it funny. But if she's not that type of girl, then by all means don't tell her.

[anxeo]

I agree with this statement for the most part but in all honesty, I don't see the problem with mentioning it. Yes, I am aware of the fact that it happened before you were with her and everything but I am a firm believer of being completely honest from the start. I can see her reaction if it ever came up. I can see her asking, "If it wasn't important, then why not tell me?"

 

It might seem like you were intentionally withholding information from her and believe me I am sure no one likes that.

 

i dont know about this. i dont see a point in telling his significant other about a one night stand when he doesn't have too. it's like opening a can of worms. it's kind of a double edged sword, damned if you do and damned if you dont kind of thing. if he tells her from the start this happened, there could be a chance she could get upset, if she finds out later, again, possibility of being upset. you really dont know how a person will react, if you want to take that chance that things will either be fine or go sour for a while, then thats on you. personally i'm not a risk taker and from personally experience i know some things are just better left unsaid. people do not need to know everything if they do not know there is anything to know. in any case, if you tell her or not you better be prepared for the outcomes or consequences of the situation turning out good or bad.

[hers]

I don't think it's her business to know, so I wouldn't just tell her like there's somethiing to worry about. If it comes up that you know the girl too, just say yeah I met her last year way before we started dating. If she asks, be honest (DONT LIE AT ALL) and tell her that you guys had a one-nighter. But let it be. Don't do it with guilt in your voice and just be completely honest, but don't do it unless it comes up. There's no need to tell her something out of the blue.

[Sillygoose3116]

Of course things will go sour but at that point shouldn't you realize that this might not be worth it if this person is going to be that upset over something that happened in the past? Also, what are you supposed to say if these two girls do meet up by chance? It is going to be awkward as hell when the girlfriend finds out what happened.

[anxeo]

Of course things will go sour but at that point shouldn't you realize that this might not be worth it if this person is going to be that upset over something that happened in the past? Also, what are you supposed to say if these two girls do meet up by chance? It is going to be awkward as hell when the girlfriend finds out what happened.

 

when i say sour i mean potentially breaking up. his girl could view this as a deal breaker. do you really think he should take that risk for something ending just for one night that didn't matter? and whose to say his girl would even find out even if they did meet? like other posters have said, the other girl is in a relationship, i doubt the first thing that would come out of her mouth is how she had sex with this guy months before these two were together. unless she's an idiot or a * * * * * , i dont think she would be eager to advertise that. it's not like they were in a relationship "which would change the situation if it was" it was meaningless sex one time.

[anxeo]

Of course things will go sour but at that point shouldn't you realize that this might not be worth it if this person is going to be that upset over something that happened in the past? .

 

also thats impossible to determine since we do not know how the person will react since we do not know how his current gf is. if a relationship is worth it or not depends on the two who are in it. some people are very insecure and can't forget about the past, hence why i said it might be a deal breaker while others handle things better. no way to know. thats why i said it's better to just not even mention it unprovoked if you dont have to since there is a chance she could never find out.

[Sillygoose3116]

when i say sour i mean potentially breaking up. his girl could view this as a deal breaker. do you really think he should take that risk for something ending just for one night that didn't matter? and whose to say his girl would even find out even if they did meet? like other posters have said, the other girl is in a relationship, i doubt the first thing that would come out of her mouth is how she had sex with this guy months before these two were together. unless she's an idiot or a * * * * * , i dont think she would be eager to advertise that. it's not like they were in a relationship "which would change the situation if it was" it was meaningless sex one time.

 

No of course not I would not want them to break up. All I am saying is since he will be essentially holding back information then if it happens to come up in the future he might be dealing with a worse situation. For all you know she will be appreciative of the fact that he mentioned it on his own. In any case, I stated my opinion and I am sure I am in the minority here but that's ok. I just wanted to offer my viewpoint. As long as moram can deal with any potential future problems/events related to this then that's fine.

[anxeo]

No of course not I would not want them to break up. All I am saying is since he will be essentially holding back information then if it happens to come up in the future he might be dealing with a worse situation. For all you know she will be appreciative of the fact that he mentioned it on his own. In any case, I stated my opinion and I am sure I am in the minority here but that's ok. I just wanted to offer my viewpoint. As long as moram can deal with any potential future problems/events related to this then that's fine.

 

yea i know that could be possible outcome to that his gf would appreciate the honesty. thats why i said it's all a big risk since he doesn't know how she will react, he's damned if he does, and damned if he doesn't. so thats why i said he should consider the possible consequences to what ever he chooses to do. just in my experience i've found people dont need to know everything is all. either you know it or not every one has secrets, either big or small for w/e reason.

[Sillygoose3116]

yea i know that could be possible outcome to that his gf would appreciate the honesty. thats why i said it's all a big risk since he doesn't know how she will react, he's damned if he does, and damned if he doesn't. so thats why i said he should consider the possible consequences to what ever he chooses to do. just in my experience i've found people dont need to know everything is all. either you know it or not every one has secrets, either big or small for w/e reason.

 

Right, but I just think ind't it better to know sooner rather than later what kind of girl he is dating? I mean imagine he does say something and he over reacts over something that happened in the past? Is that person truly worth your time and efforts? Is is worth it to be with someone who probably doesn't trust you?

[anxeo]

Right, but I just think ind't it better to know sooner rather than later what kind of girl he is dating? I mean imagine he does say something and he over reacts over something that happened in the past? Is that person truly worth your time and efforts? Is is worth it to be with someone who probably doesn't trust you?

 

thats for this dude to decide. in the event she did get upset it would be understandable i guess for her to be upset for a bit and have feelings of mistrust or resentment. but thats expected given this reaction. for some people it's totally worth the pain and frustration, for others its not. pretty much the only different with him telling her sooner rather then later is that she would be less upset sooner rather then later if she did find out and if she did get upset. thats why i say might as well not even bother and avoid all that if you dont have to lol. i feel not saying anything is less stressful then wondering about all these different outcomes if he were to tell her.

[Sillygoose3116]

thats for this dude to decide. in the event she did get upset it would be understandable i guess for her to be upset for a bit and have feelings of mistrust or resentment. but thats expected given this reaction. for some people it's totally worth the pain and frustration, for others its not. pretty much the only different with him telling her sooner rather then later is that she would be less upset sooner rather then later if she did find out and if she did get upset. thats why i say might as well not even bother and avoid all that if you dont have to lol. i feel not saying anything is less stressful then wondering about all these different outcomes if he were to tell her.

 

You're right it is for him to decide, in any case I hope it plays out with for the poster.

[annie24]

The other question is that I am new in this city. I dont have many friends and this girl with whom I had sex with lives here and is really one of the few persons I know. I would like to meet her because of that.

 

I would not stay friends with this woman - it would be shady and i think inappropriate given that you have a gf. ok, i'm going to put myself in your girlfriend's shoes. let's say you cut contact with the one night stand girl, and then i later found out somehow that you had a ONS with her. and i ask you and you say, 'yes, it was once, but a long time ago, before i even met you.' i'd say 'fine.' but if you had insisted on all us being friends, continued hanging out with her AND THEN i find out you had slept with her....?? i would be angry and upset, because i would wonder if there was still something else going on, if it was more than what you claimed, etc....

 

I think it's best to meet new friends apart from this woman you had sex with once. i don't think you need to tell your gf about her either. we don't have to reveal everything about our partners, no?