Nirvana1986 Posted September 22, 2011 Share Posted September 22, 2011 Greetings, all! I was browsing the ENA forums yesterday and I came accross this thread, Habitual or do we actually love them that much?, in the Healing After Break Up section which kind of helped me see my healing in a different, I guess you could say… perspective, light. A quick summary of my break up - It’s been six months since we broke up, to be honest I am not sure who the dumper was in this situation. All I know is we had an argument and we both called it quits in the heat of the moment. I wanted to give each other space to think before asking for a second chance, and during that space she met her current bf who, well, it’s the total opposite of me from I can see. Anyway, I stopped all contact with her the moment I found out they were official (a little less than a month after our break up), I blocked her on FB, email and my phone and that went on for about 2 months until my cellphone provider took the block off. About 2.5 months she gets back in touch with me, still trying to be friends even after all this time I have been ignoring her. Ever since we have been in very LC. In my usual days when I think of my ex, I think of her as the one who got away, as this perfect girl, my dream girl, but in reality she is far from being perfect to me. She is not bad nor I am bad, we are just polar opposites when it comes to life and love; one good example – She once told me that marriage for her was a process of picking a roommate, you just have to find the best match possible regardless of love or not. And I am more of a person who does believe in getting married for love, and one of my greatest fears is feeling like I am signing a contract to live with someone for the rest of my life. I remember shaking my head then and realizing how different our personalities were. Maybe that was the main reason that attracted me to her, the fact that she was different. I seem to struggle keeping her image intact, her image as how it should be… realistic. I know I am happier now compared to when I was with her. When I was with her I was constantly feeling underappreciated, I was feeling like I was the only one working on the relationship, I was feeling drained. But now, I have been focusing on me, my work, trying to get back to Grad School, learning new things that I always had an interest in such as photography, meeting new interesting people, seeing new places, finally getting out and around the city where I now live something that I was never able to do because I would go out of town to visit my ex every weekend 3 hours away, volunteering for the Red Cross, and I finally (My main source of happiness at the moment) was able to get back to one of my life long passions; Ice Speed Skating with a competitive team. Here is the thing; even though I can honestly say I am happy, I still think of and miss my ex every day….not the real ex, but a fabricated image of my ex. I am currently struggling with this and it’s a back and forth kind of struggle with me; whenever we go long periods of time without talking is when I miss her the most and long for her the most, but then we talk and it reminds me all over again why we are best not together, why we are not a good match. Then I can go on for 2-3 weeks happy and feeling like I have moved on, until my head starts fabricating her flawed image again and I start missing her again. Is this something normal when dealing with a break up? Is this like a phase or something? Can contact actually be a good thing on moving forward since it helps me keep my feet on earth and actually see her for who she is instead of the person my mind fabricates? I feel like this is what keeping me from fully moving on. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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